Tunnel vision

I used to have an ‘acerbic’ penning habit.  Since young, I had the eyes of seeing it through both sides of a coin in anyone, in any situation, coupled with inability to hold my tongue.  I would often lose my sleep over it if I didn’t get to express what I saw.  But then, my mother wouldn’t allow her children using any foul or quarrelsome language.  So whenever I felt disagreement with friends or others, I would write them letters, to get my points across, that which pierced their hearts like sharp spears at times, like the Simon Cowell.  My too direct honesty sometimes brought me closer with others but many times bitter enmity to break apart close relationships with friends. 

It will be a really long story if I were to narrate them all.  In retrospect, my sense of self-righteousness, in the price of hurting others, though I might have been right at times, was not something encouraging attitude for my own good.  It was like I had a tunnel vision, so narrow in my point of view that many times I failed to see others’ points of view.  What I didn’t know was, then, not many were comfortable in knowing the full picture or sometimes a little ignorance is better for the person concerned than hurting them in the name of objectivity.  It took me many more years of mistakes and few broken friendships to realize that.  One particular incident was regarding a dear school friend whom I lost in touch now.

During my school days, I didn’t have wider circle of friends except few close ones because of my not-so-well-rounded character.  But then, with close friends, I was rather initiative, enthusiastic and outspoken to always assume some kind of a leader role.  I had a group of seven friends from the same high school with whom I formed small alumni together.  Among them, I was particularly close with one friend Mee-Jung. 

She was different than us, a tall and big size girl with not so good looking and bossy temper, whereas the rest of us were more or less similar small frames and mild temperaments.  In school, not many liked her because she behaved like a bully.  But I knew she was a tender hearted-girl inside.  Her nasty behavior was to hide her inferior complex.  I felt sympathy to take her in our group of friends after getting everybody’s consent on her behalf.  Initially it took us some efforts to get used to her but we got along fine with time as she was a hard working and caring person.  She and I were particularly close.  And the towering framed friend next to me (I was the smallest sized in the entire school!)…people teased us as “oak tree and cicada.”

Ironically she was the first one to get married among us.  We were only 21 years old then, just fresh out of high school, some were still studying and some already started working.  Her parents, concerned with her slim chance of finding a suitor arranged marriage to a 10 year older skinny man who liked her extra large size after they’ve met through a matchmaker.  Within a month, we were attending their wedding and it was a sight to behold; she was like an oak tree, he like a willow!

Well, then, he was an architect with a small nice apartment besides the famous beach town, Hae-Un-Dae, in Pusan.  After the hurried wedding, though, they had to go through some initial rumbling-tumbling because of my friend’s hot temper.  But their matrimonial union soon got settle into a loving relationship with their small apartment becoming our favorite place to hang out.  We could see the sun rise and sunset over the horizon from her balcony.  It was so beautiful beyond words and I can still smell the sea even now.  We thought how lucky she was.  Many people in Korea struggled through their entire life to own a house even now.  What’s more a beach apartment? 

She seemed happy and easy at first.   But soon I started to notice her turning into a miserly housewife who weighed and calculated every little, little things including the expenses occurred through our regular visits.  We became uneasy especially for me because, she started to create a crack in our mutually generous friendships.  Other friends hushed behind her back and chose to stay away.  But I didn’t.  I couldn’t swallow her pettiness that was sometimes too much.  So I wrote her a letter.  I pointed out her pettiness that was becoming as small as her apartment, and suggested to open her eyes to behold the vast oceanic vision that was right in front of her windows.  It was a metaphor for me to use the apartment and the ocean in comparison.  But for her, I mocked at her ‘small apartment.’  She became furious to serve all her ties with me immediately.  I also became angry at her ingratitude to forget my help of having any friends at all in the first place. 

So like that, we didn’t see or talk to each other for many years.  Until one day I heard she moved into a rented room with the husband.  Apparently the apartment was given by the hubby’s elder brother but he took it back after he failed in his business.  She also couldn’t conceive naturally.  So in and out of hospital, they were going through rough times.  That was why she was becoming hysterical and counting every cent….  I apologized to her for my wrong doing.  She apologized to me for her rashness.  We became better terms again but once broken, it was broken forever.  We couldn’t really patch things up and gradually we grew further apart never to hear again after I left my country for good. 

I should have remembered the lesson I’ve learned but it took me few more broken friendships and hurtful relationships for years until I finally got the picture that, I was the problem, not the other way around.  I thought I was right.  I was correct and far-sighted one whereas others’ are so narrow and poor.  Eventually I realized that this kind of self-righteous attitude hurt myself more than others.  So gradually I became much softer and kinder in my words, and more careful in my hearts as well as in my conducts; to seek for harmony rather than being right, to sing out loud alone rather than write an acerbic letter, to breathe in and out five times, ten times or many more till my frustration settles…

It turned out good practice….because I am no longer caught in my tunnel vision, instead, I can see the world in twinkling smile, lights and perfection even if people including myself are so imperfect and full of dusts busying to bury under the blankets…

Yoga Story 12. She is Madam. Chuah

Yes, she is Madam. Chuah who is in her mid-fifty.  She started yoga less than a year ago.  But it took her more than two years to finally come to yoga class, after she gave me an inquiry call.  Her daughter who is studying journalism in US was my former yoga student.  Her name is Jolyn.  Jolyn recommended her mother to go for yoga classes before she leaves.  As Madam. Chuah became an empty-nest mother after her two children gone for oversea studies, the good daughter Jolie concerned for her mother that she might strain herself with boredom.  But it seems, Madam. Chuah who appears rather shy and reserved and nice lady, apparently not so confident of her own body’s flexibility to bend.  She hesitated for two years before she made up her mind.

When she came to the first class…I became concerned…not because she can’t even sit with simple crossed leg positions from steep ankles, but because, her seemingly reserved and self—conscious outlook… Usually, with such expressions wearing in the face…do not last long in the yoga class.  They soon give up after one or two classes.   Though I was very much attentive in her every move, I hid showing my too-much concern and instead, I just let her be, asking her not to push herself and do what you can, then, it will improve in time…

Boy…how wrong I was… She neither gave up nor missed the classes.  She was a quietly disciplined and inwardly strong lady, and beautiful not only in her appearance but in her heart too… She was the type who ever so respectful to others while hard working to improve herself.

She was improving by the classes, getting younger looking and energy levels also increased.  Her face became more and more glowing with confidence and the body became much more flexible too.  She can do the Boat pose (Navasana) no problem.  It is tremendous improvement compare few months before when she couldn’t even grasp her ankles lifted in the air.  She can do the Forwarded bending (Uttanasana) as in the photo, in almost 180 degree!!!  Her triangle pose is one of the best looking among others.  Every time when I see her quietly working on herself steadily, mindfully, she is reminding me of the typical ‘relentless spirit’ of yogis. 

In the society we are living, everything moves and changes too fast.  Thus, the yogis’ lifestyle in where it is required to work on oneself one step at a time, like how water drops on the stone to finally penetrate into making holes…do not appeal that much to people, especially to youngsters.  Liposuctions and diet pills are preferred over healthy diet, yoga and other exercise regime.  Expensive cosmetic surgeries are preferred over pranayama and meditation practice that brings out not only inner beauty, but also spiritual blossoming.  Everybody is looking for a quick-fix push button, while Madam. Chuah is relentlessly working on herself one day, one class at a time, without realizing how much she is getting younger and more shining by day.  

Whenever I praise her, she gives me this shy smile… I just love to peep at her every now and then during yoga classes and feel proud of her.   So I snapped the pictures to share with you all…!!!

Can you see the matching planets from these guys?

It seems these days youngsters are getting more and more creative and fun loving in whatever they do.  They are brilliant and amazingly technically savvy.  They also do things very differently than older generations. Particularly revamping with customary functions are their expertise that calls for constant innovations and refreshing outlook.    

Last Sunday morning, I and my two men (hubby and Edwin) attended a wedding tea ceremony held in the groom’s house.  After looking around the couple’s sweetly decorated house and ear-busting fire-crackers went afire welcoming the newlyweds, I went out to the corner compound in where buffet brunch (breakfast cum lunch) was served for the guests.  With my plate filled with a bit of food and fruits, I took my seat in an empty table waiting for my two guys to join me.

Then, it seemed they were the groom’s friends standing behind me in the buffet line, and they started to seat around the table in where I was sitting alone.  They didn’t ask my permission whether they can join me. They also didn’t notice my hubby and son still in the buffet line queuing up.  They just smiled at me and helped themselves one by one soon filling all the seats of the round table.  I must have looked like a nice aunty who is a single (?). 

My hubby got slightly off balance to see me surrounded by these groups of youngsters but soon found himself a seat in another table with the grooms’ family.  Edwin seemed disoriented to see his mother sitting with other men (?) for the first time in his life, and constantly looked towards my table.  The groom’s sister also was a bit concerned least I might feel uneasy.  In fact, I felt amused by their sudden company that I kept my smile to make them feel easier. They didn’t know who I was and whom I came with, and surprised to know I didn’t speak any Chinese except English.  They attempted few pleasantries to me but soon went onto their chit-chats. 

While eating quietly and listening to their chats, I noticed on their T-shirts are written each Weekday-theme; Sunday in red color, Tuesday in pink, Thursday in peach, Friday in light blue, Saturday in purple.  So I asked them, where is Wednesday?  They were happy that I noticed their dressing codes.  Wednesday was in another table.  He stood up and waved his hands excitedly.  All of them didn’t speak English well except the guy in Tuesday-pink next to me.  He was the friendliest and most sociable one, too.  

Quietly enjoying their company, I felt even more amused to notice that, unconsciously they were all wearing according to their matching planetary energy.  Except the Tuesday and Friday one.  I could see the Tuesday guy likes pink-color that is why he wore it.  But he was not matching to Mars character.  Instead more of Venus character of fun—loving and party goer.  And the Friday guy was more of Mars character, sturdy and solid and looked strong, too.  So I casually mentioned that they should have changed the T-shirts.  They asked why?  I smiled and didn’t elaborate further.  They will be even more shocked if they knew I could read planets from people. 

You see, I am an astrologer.  I can’t help but to observe the energies of the surroundings and people wherever I am and whomever I am with.  

Sunday is the Sun’s day; the Sun is bright and shining with confidence, boldness, and strength.  You see the guy?  Can’t you see him a bit of show-off?

Monday is the Moon's day;  gentle, soft, cooling and calming.  See the guy with the Monday-T, how soft and sweet smile he has on his face?

Tuesday is Mars’ day; the commander-in-chief, fighter, muscular and serious.  The guy in Friday-shirt is more suitable.

Wednesday is Mercury’s day; happy-jolly innocence of child, lean, light.  The guy’s smirk in Wednesday-shirt shows the typical mercurial naivety.

Thursday is Jupiter’s day; weighty, round, pleasing and easy like a chubby priest.

Friday is Venus’ day; happy, party, fun, sociable, showy and sweet.

Saturday is Saturn’s day; ever solemn and serious, preserving and hardworking like a farmer. 

Look at the picture!  Don’t they all chose the best fit for each, though unconsciously?

We all are like them.  Without knowing, we naturally align ourselves to the planets we feel most affinity with.   As for me, I like pink, Venus.  I am a sweet middle aged woman. My hubby likes red, the Sun.  His stature is a bit intimidating for an Asian.  Edwin likes blue and black, Saturn.  He is a bit too mature for his age.  How about you?  What planet do you feel most close to you?

Yoga story 11. Lotus Pose (Padmasana) and Seated Mountain Pose (Parvatasana)

One of the most difficult yoga poses for many yoginis is probably the Lotus Pose (Padmasana), in where you seat with both legs crossed by placing one foot and another over the opposite side of thighs.  For beginners or non-beginners alike, if your lifestyles haven’t been much closer to the floors while growing up, then, doing the Lotus Pose for the first time during the Yoga classes can be quite a body-shock.  Excruciating pains from the steep ankles in efforts to put it over to the other side…many would scream and I have no heart to bear seeing such pains from their faces.  So I rarely ask them to perform in the classes. 

But if you can, there is no other yoga poses that make you feel so good, comfortable and graceful like the lotus poses.  The back is naturally straight and gorgeous looking; the lower back feels so free from any tensions and aches; the ankles and legs get to receive good blood circulations to relieve all the sluggishness from long hours of seating and standing.  It can hold the ever-wondering mind into a lotus flower like beautiful tranquillity. 

The next, with fingers interlaced, you stretch your arms over the head while pressing the chin slightly toward the collarbone…then it becomes the Seated Mountain Pose (Parvatasana).  While remaining in Parvatasana, you invite few deep and conscious breaths in and out throughout the chest and abdomen…you become as solid as mountain; as fierce as the Lord Shiva deep in the Himalayas Mountain atop who is ever absorbed in the blissful Samadhi…I don’t know about others, but, as for me, naturally calm and sanctimonious feeling arise from within whenever seat in this way.  It creates certain distance to feel safe and stay centred from daily turbulent minds and vulnerable emotions.  It’s my favourite yoga pose.

Since small, even before I began Yogic Path, somehow I used to love to seat in Lotus Pose.   I had unusual habits of seating with legs crossed under the study tables or dining tables whenever I have chance.  I used to like doing sit-ups and headstands too.  Maybe I was a yogi in my past life if you believe in reincarnation like me.  

But the real reason that I was doing louts pose so religiously was, to be honest…it was to make my legs slim… Yes, that’s right.  To lose weight.  I had the phobia of becoming fat while growing up even though I was never overweight.  In fact, I used to harbour around in underweight zone all the time. 

I had one elder sister who didn't quite watch her mouth with what to say or what not to say.  While growing up, my sister used to tease my short stature and legs.  Of course, she herself had the nicest figure among us, the three daughters.  I was shortest and smallest.  We used to go to the same junior high school.  One day while walking to school together, we saw a dwarfish woman with round body like a drum.  Then my sister spat out this fatal blow on my young mind, “you will become stocky like her!”

Since then, every time when I looked at the mirror…I saw myself short and stocky…Every time when I see a pass-by who is short and stocky…I saw myself in her… Oh, how much I hated and how much I was scared of getting fat…thus I started to develop disinterest in food.  Skipping ropes vigorously after eating and sitting in the lotus pose whenever I can.  I don’t know when I could finally overcome her curse (?).   I did manage to come out all right after all.  Yes, short but not stocky, and in fact quite good looking for my age, to often receive disbelief if I reveal my actual age. 

I contribute to my sister’s curse (?) for my yogic habits of sitting that started even before I learned of Yoga.  I can’t seat that long in the chair if I don’t fold my legs.  I get aches in the back and legs.  So I will have to cross my legs even when I am sitting in restaurant chairs.  At first, my hubby didn't quite like my ways of sitting.  He said I look like “ahpeck (not sure of the spelling…but it means an old uncle in the coffee shop).  So I try to hide my legs under the table clothes.  Otherwise, I do my best to sit with legs down.  But I can’t last too long in that sitting pose…imagine if I were to work in an office with tight shoes and suits…

I think being a yoga teacher is the blessing for my legs and it’s all started from my elder sister’s causal remarks.  I guess she was the dharmic pointer…

The old-stork woman is on vacation

Lately, infertilities among married couples are on steep rise.  Every now and then, I come across with couples that have been trying for years to conceive by various means, but many to no avail.  It is quite heart-breaking to see them keep getting disappointed month after month, year after year…  It seems as though the Samsin-halmoni (the old Stork-woman in Korean folklore) has gone onto long-holidays…

While there are still many couples who are easy to get pregnant, or scare of getting pregnant, but for increasing number of couples, conception without paying some dues first, either financially or mentally or physically, becoming difficult and rather common scenes nowadays.  Some are due to their infertilities while many are told by doctors that they are perfectly normal.  Thus the- so-called-no-problem couples keep trying…So many fertility treatment clinics are flourishing business these days.  Eventually many give up…but not without big holes in the hearts and finance.   Which is really sad.

As much as each childless couple’s story differs from one another, so are the ways they handle and make efforts to overcome the heart-breaking agonies in their desire to be parents.  Some poor people, on the hand, barely able to feed the multiples mouths they already have, and yet, new ones are keep popping up to add further strains on the parents’ hunched backs. 

Who is luckier?  Which one would you rather be?  Financially secure and well off but no child; many children but struggling day to day just to feed and clothe the breeds? 

Each will say the other is better.  Or, many will insist to simply add, to what they have plus the one lacking.  Many people like to do simple equation with what they think of a perfect life.  They don't want to accept the obvious fact that we can't have it all.  Yes… there are MANY who seemed to have it all when judging from outside.  But, are they really…?  Is there such a thing in life, like a perfect life, having it all we want???  I don’t think so. 

For some reasons, we human beings are unable to switch their own perception for another, to comprehend the omniscient factors that, we just can’t have it all in life.   Children or no children…our life meant to bear each allocated shares of agonies and tears and triumphs.   In life, no matter what, we will always have something missing.   There is no such thing as everlasting happiness after the Mr. Perfect met the Miss Perfect.  In fact, that where the untold portions of fairy tale starts to unfold. 

In astrology, to have children you need the combinations of 5^th Space (good past karma, rewards from God) plus 6^th Space (debts from past life, hard works in this life).  That is why raising children is not only expensive but also hard works.  They demand endlessly and mercilessly, stretching us beyond what we ever imagined possible before we had them.  And yet, they are gifts from God who teach us the most important life lessons of selfless giving.  

We tend to think life is about satisfying our needs to find happiness.  Actually it’s not. Happiness is never like straightforward equitation between profit/loss accounts.  Even if we know we are in losing end, having children brings in us the best parts of human nature; angelic god-nature of wanting to give.  We all want to give.  Happiness multiplies when we can give and children are the best outlet to give.  That is why many people desire to be parents, though having children is life-time commitment with no guaranteed return. 

It was Deepavali today and with it another season of year-end approaching…So to call back the old-stork woman who seems to have gone onto long holiday, why don’t we first practice of giving without expectation of any return?  New Year resolutions…maybe we could include the plans on how to do more GIVING…