By Edwin Lee (14 years old)
Being courteous makes one a better person, that is definitely true. As the saying goes, “courtesy is a way of life,” one should be courteous to all that surrounds you, as with each good deed one does, he/she will find that he/she can enjoy a better life.
Being a courteous person does not mean one has to constantly do good merits in order to be courteous. Being courteous is when you can spare a bit of your time to someone, and help them; for example, if you are rich, you can help the poor, if you are poor, you can help those in need, if you are neither rich or poor, you can give support to those who need it. No matter what sort of limitation one has, he/she can always be courteous. Donating to charity does not automatically mean one is courteous, as it is the thoughts of that person that decides whether he is courteous or not. If he is donating merely to earn praises from the public, in the end, this counts simply as self-contentment. However, if he harbors the thoughts of wanting to help others, he/she can, or will be considered a courteous person.
There are many things one can do to be courteous, such as helping an old lady crossing the street, or helping someone with their grocery shopping. Being courteous can often have unexpected results on a person. An example of the event is the following story:
“There was once a selfish man that lived on the outskirts of a village. He rarely went into the village. On rare cases that he did, he only went to the market, bought what he needed, and stomped off. During one of his trips to the market, a beggar approached him and begged for some money. This selfish man, being the selfish person that he was, gave a hard kick to the beggar, and walked off. Little did he realized that this selfish act had been witnessed by the local paper boy, and upon seeing this, ran off to tell everyone in the village. The next day, the selfish man went to the market as he had not finished his shopping the day before. Upon his arrival, every single house shut their doors and windows, and every street vendor chased him away, refusing to sell him anything. This went on for quite some time. One evening, while rocking his rocking chair, he realized that, perhaps, it was his selfish attitude that caused the recent discrimination. So he set a goal for himself that, for an entire day, he would try to be kind. He went to the market the next day and got the usual treatment from the villagers. He saw the beggar whom he kicked the other day, and without a word, gave him RM 5. The beggar’s expression changed from shock to joy in an instant. The selfish man suddenly experienced an unusual but comforting feeling deep in his heart. He liked this feeling, and throughout the whole day, did every single courteous act there was to be. The unusual feeling the selfish man experienced grew into a feel that he cherished like never before. And day by day, the selfish man’s personality changed completely. He no longer was the selfish man everyone knew. He became a courteous man and everyone liked him.”
As one can easily see from the story, a simple act of courtesy changed this man’s attitude completely. So courtesy is really a way of life and in the end, through some unorthodox acts, one’s life can change for the better.
P.S: The above essay won the third place in his school’s essay competition that was held on the spot without prior announcement. I thought I would like to share it with my readers, as it amazed me how young children are often our real life teachers to us adults with their innocent heart and the right understanding about the way life is.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Are you happy? What will make your life happier?”
Have you ever asked such questions, “Are you happy? What will make your life happier?” Strangely not many seemed to have, because when I do that, many get taken aback as though they never had thought about it seriously before. Many do not have a clue about whether they are happy or not, not to mention in knowing what will make them happier. Isn’t that absurd because everybody wants to be happy while avoiding pains and suffering at all cost? And yet, they do not know how to achieve that. They will mumble something of better family life, rich, health…but I can tell they are just scratching the surface only. No one really ever thought about it until they are asked.
Here is another one: what is happiness or suffering to you? Do you believe life is suffering or bliss? For me, they are not different. It is just how you look at it, either be happiness or suffering.
We are familiar with the saying “life is suffering” that which is from Buddhism. On the other hand, Indian yogis or mystics say “life is ecstasy” or “life is bliss”. Which one is true? Suffering or bliss? In fact, it is neither. Life itself is neutral but it’s our experiences of it that are differing. In Buddhism, whatever inside of us is called ‘variable’ whereas ‘constant’ that whichever is outside of us. What that means is that the fact, like a half cup of water, is constant but how we perceive it, whether as only half or still half, is variable that depends on how we feel or react to the given fact. Only half is reflecting lack or poverty whereas still half is reflecting spaciousness or abundance in our awareness.
What control we have of is ‘variable’ not ‘constant.’ Thus the key to lasting happiness and well-being lies within us, in ‘variable’, because we can choose how to feel in respect to certain circumstances, the ‘constant’, that which we can’t change. However people often misunderstand to be the other way around. They think if circumstances change, then they will be happy. They constantly chase after greener pasture over the rainbow. No wonder lasting happiness seems so illusionary. Searching for lasting happiness from outside instead of inside is like looking for an oasis in desert or utopia in the world we are living.
We need to turn around within, to our heart, if we were to live perpetual happiness that is unconditioned and ever present. Happiness that we experience by the material world is illusion because it is dependent upon the conditions that are outside of us. Changes are inevitable processes in life but whenever the condition changes, many perceive or react it as loss or pain, thereby, experiencing suffering. But if we know how to contain our heart to be at ease and content within, we would react it differently and can accept is as positive or growing process toward any changing circumstances. Then we have mastered the secrets of life on how to be happy forever. They lived happily ever after…after all, isn’t that the ultimate goal of human life?
Happiness is like tossing a coin; it is up to us how we flip. Tail or head, either way it is the same coin that which is our heart.
Happiness is dependent upon not where we are from outside but from inside our heart. Even if living in million-dollar mansions with finest furnishing and prize spouse, flying all over the exotic places around the world enjoying fame and status, was Pavarotti, one of the greatest Italian opera tenor, happy at the end of his day? No. He died regretting over many things especially over his young second wife who got greedy over his money while he was fighting for his life with cancer. He was deeply saddened not by his cancer but by what went around him regarding the distribution of his wealth after his death. He was known for his fiery temper and disregard for others with his arrogance. Despite his success, it seems he was not a happy person until the moment he died. I am sure he regretted also for leaving the faithful old wife for his-twenty-something assistant at that time.
We don’t have to go until Pavarotti, Tiger Woods, or Jack Nieo kinds of famous personalities to site the examples of lacking in contentment, happiness in the heart. Many ordinary people like us are also easy to complain over what we don’t have or cant’ have rather than appreciating what we have. Whenever we don’t like something or someone, we are quick to change or jump to another person. It is so easy to get overshadowed by feelings or sidetracked by desires for more that we overlook what actually create obstacles and cause miseries in our life. And yet we complain of ‘suffering’ ‘misery’ ‘unhappiness’ etc, when the cause is in our heart toward which we seldom turn. Same situation, same people, same space; it can turn to heaven or hell depending on how we decide or define it.
As the famous saying goes, whatever happens in life happens for a reason. We do not make mistakes but learn different ways each time we fall, to enrich life experiences, to be better person, to live better life. Why not reclaim our own the heart; be free from suffering, be free from fear and blame; then, you realize the life you have here and now is just perfect as it is. Living happily ever after is not only possible in a fairy tale but is our birth right. You just have to know how to turn to your heart whenever troubled or overly excited. Put your hands on your chest, close your eyes and breathe deeply into and out of it. Smell the breeze gently stroking your body, feel the vast spaciousness around you; open your ears to listen birds chirping and the sound of silence…see your thoughts, feelings fleeting by in front of you but you don’t have to go out each time it comes; just notice and let it go by gently coming back to your heart, to your breathing…then right there, bountiful happiness and bliss just for you to bathe in it. Life is beautiful when you know how to stop and to enjoy the moments like this…is there any better way to everlasting happiness?
Here is another one: what is happiness or suffering to you? Do you believe life is suffering or bliss? For me, they are not different. It is just how you look at it, either be happiness or suffering.
We are familiar with the saying “life is suffering” that which is from Buddhism. On the other hand, Indian yogis or mystics say “life is ecstasy” or “life is bliss”. Which one is true? Suffering or bliss? In fact, it is neither. Life itself is neutral but it’s our experiences of it that are differing. In Buddhism, whatever inside of us is called ‘variable’ whereas ‘constant’ that whichever is outside of us. What that means is that the fact, like a half cup of water, is constant but how we perceive it, whether as only half or still half, is variable that depends on how we feel or react to the given fact. Only half is reflecting lack or poverty whereas still half is reflecting spaciousness or abundance in our awareness.
What control we have of is ‘variable’ not ‘constant.’ Thus the key to lasting happiness and well-being lies within us, in ‘variable’, because we can choose how to feel in respect to certain circumstances, the ‘constant’, that which we can’t change. However people often misunderstand to be the other way around. They think if circumstances change, then they will be happy. They constantly chase after greener pasture over the rainbow. No wonder lasting happiness seems so illusionary. Searching for lasting happiness from outside instead of inside is like looking for an oasis in desert or utopia in the world we are living.
We need to turn around within, to our heart, if we were to live perpetual happiness that is unconditioned and ever present. Happiness that we experience by the material world is illusion because it is dependent upon the conditions that are outside of us. Changes are inevitable processes in life but whenever the condition changes, many perceive or react it as loss or pain, thereby, experiencing suffering. But if we know how to contain our heart to be at ease and content within, we would react it differently and can accept is as positive or growing process toward any changing circumstances. Then we have mastered the secrets of life on how to be happy forever. They lived happily ever after…after all, isn’t that the ultimate goal of human life?
Happiness is like tossing a coin; it is up to us how we flip. Tail or head, either way it is the same coin that which is our heart.
Happiness is dependent upon not where we are from outside but from inside our heart. Even if living in million-dollar mansions with finest furnishing and prize spouse, flying all over the exotic places around the world enjoying fame and status, was Pavarotti, one of the greatest Italian opera tenor, happy at the end of his day? No. He died regretting over many things especially over his young second wife who got greedy over his money while he was fighting for his life with cancer. He was deeply saddened not by his cancer but by what went around him regarding the distribution of his wealth after his death. He was known for his fiery temper and disregard for others with his arrogance. Despite his success, it seems he was not a happy person until the moment he died. I am sure he regretted also for leaving the faithful old wife for his-twenty-something assistant at that time.
We don’t have to go until Pavarotti, Tiger Woods, or Jack Nieo kinds of famous personalities to site the examples of lacking in contentment, happiness in the heart. Many ordinary people like us are also easy to complain over what we don’t have or cant’ have rather than appreciating what we have. Whenever we don’t like something or someone, we are quick to change or jump to another person. It is so easy to get overshadowed by feelings or sidetracked by desires for more that we overlook what actually create obstacles and cause miseries in our life. And yet we complain of ‘suffering’ ‘misery’ ‘unhappiness’ etc, when the cause is in our heart toward which we seldom turn. Same situation, same people, same space; it can turn to heaven or hell depending on how we decide or define it.
As the famous saying goes, whatever happens in life happens for a reason. We do not make mistakes but learn different ways each time we fall, to enrich life experiences, to be better person, to live better life. Why not reclaim our own the heart; be free from suffering, be free from fear and blame; then, you realize the life you have here and now is just perfect as it is. Living happily ever after is not only possible in a fairy tale but is our birth right. You just have to know how to turn to your heart whenever troubled or overly excited. Put your hands on your chest, close your eyes and breathe deeply into and out of it. Smell the breeze gently stroking your body, feel the vast spaciousness around you; open your ears to listen birds chirping and the sound of silence…see your thoughts, feelings fleeting by in front of you but you don’t have to go out each time it comes; just notice and let it go by gently coming back to your heart, to your breathing…then right there, bountiful happiness and bliss just for you to bathe in it. Life is beautiful when you know how to stop and to enjoy the moments like this…is there any better way to everlasting happiness?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus
The once a-celibate-monk-turned-to-a-love-guru John Grey shot to his fame when his book “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” became the best seller of all time in the late ‘80s. First of its kind, it highlighted the fundamental differences between men and women in their genetic make-ups, especially in sexual orientation. Mars is a very hot planet, with lots of fire, energy, aggression, dynamism, and control issues. Venus is a sweet and loving planet that nourishes, nurtures, with affections and tenderness. When two very different people, originated from two different planets, decide to live together under the same roof, there bound to be lots of conflicts and frictions, for better or worse. By showing how to understand or reconcile the differences rather than try to confront or change each other, John saved many estranged relationships and marital breakups which were on steep rise since the Gloria Steinem’s feminism.
The book was also the very first book my husband gave me as a present when we first started dating years back. Unlike the new breed of young Koreans you see it today, cool and fantastic with their jaw dropping hip-hop skills, I belong to the previous uptight generation who doesn’t know how to relax or laugh easily with somewhat serious cultural pretention in our shoulders. My hubby on the other hand, who is fully western educated with his extra psychology diploma besides his major, initially had trouble communicating with me whenever we had “issues” to deal with. I usually shut up and opted to process within me whenever there was problem. He preferred to talk about “it” rather than “zip the mouth and bottle it up” like how I used to be. He didn’t know how to handle my silence. So he bought me the book which was an eye-opener to me. It never dawned on me how men and women think differently, perceive and act in almost opposite way from each other. I thought he should naturally know what I want before I say it. But he didn’t have a clue about what I want because I didn’t say it!
So it was very smart of him to buy me the book because I started to develop more understanding and patience about his different ways of functioning despite my own expectations that were otherwise. We seldom hit the walls up ever since because we both are aware of our generically different modes and do our best not to impose one’s way to another. That keeps our peace in the household most of time except occasional minor bickering every now and then.
Later when I learned of the language of stars, astrology, I realized that the positions of the Mars and Venus in our birth charts have great deals on our likes and dislikes, not only in love relationship but also in our overall inclination, aspiration, tendency, etc. Besides the XX and XY things, we have these energy attunements of fire, earth, air and water depending on how and where his or her Mars or Venus is located out of the twelve zodiac signs. For example, not all women like roses or remember anniversaries and not all men like sports or crazy about cars. Not all women are whimsical while not all men are control freaks. Among men and women, there are also individual differences. Thereby, if you are a man trying to ask out a woman of your interest, you can’t just rely on the general information. You have to know what she likes specifically be it rose or book. If you are a girl and waiting for a prince charming to discover you as the ragged Cinderella in distress, you might just have to wait till your hair turns grey. Because they say all good men are married. (The truth is all not-so-good men become all good after they married.) Thereby you have to know how to see your man pass the veils of fancy into the long future that are lying ahead with realistic modes. Then how to do?
One of the best way as I found out is by looking at the blueprints for the locations of the Mars and Venus of respective partner’s and yours’. They have to match and compatible if you want to make your relationships one of those made in heaven. There is no good god fairy mother in this modern world. Each man and woman has to go all the way out to find their matches according to their own standards and do their best to live through the fundamental differences even after married. Who said they lived happily ever after? Only in fairy tale! Either be it courting or managing marriage, men and women relationships are never easy or have straight forward answers. You just have to find out what works for your own mate and the blueprints just might hold the keys if you are interested in opening it.
People are very different inside and you can’t expect the same reactions from person to person. For example, after reading this story, if you buy your partner John Grey’s book, it might not work as well as it has been in my case. My Venus is in Aquarius; I am inclined towards ideas and concepts. I like learning over jewelry or fancy dining. That’s why, my hubby’s strategy to buy me books works for me especially when he needs to convince me something of his agenda. I am easy to get inspired by noble ideas in the books and he just needs to find a well-written book on that particular topic! Likewise, to know what you like, what your partner likes, you take a look at his/her Mars and Venus then it becomes easy. If your woman has her Venus in Taurus; then you better be prepared with house, cars and jewelry before you propose to her. If you are a girl and you like a man who has Venus in Taurus, make sure you know how to cook gourmet dishes. If her Venus is Gemini, then, you better polish your ears so that you can be a good listener when she is talking like a machine gun, etc. It is quite intriguing to discover the correlation between the stars and our characteristics or inclinations.
So like anything else, there is no straight forward answer in life’s different situation and dilemma, especially in men and women’s relationship. However if we have foreknowledge of our own and his/her astrological make ups, it helps greatly in saving our troubles of heartaches, toiling night sleeps, or yelling, screaming and banging the doors. It can save much money also from compulsive shopping sprees or night club routines in your vain efforts to please him or her. Unlike common misunderstanding of people and malpractices of many astrologers, astrology is not about fortune telling but is a guiding post to shed lights into every step of our lives, so that we don’t have to struggle in darkness to find the way. You just find a light switch then it gets immediately brighter. Astrology is about finding the light switch to illuminate our life.
Whenever I see nice singles, be men or women, I can’t help but to think of how to match-make them. As I understand, it is not easy trying to find own dates or mates these days, especially for busy city folks and professionals who virtually spend whole days and nights in the cars or offices. And worse still, finding the mate is one thing but maintaining the relationship is another matter entirely. All kinds of mishaps and common heartbreaks are what I can only glimpse from TV, internet or the weekend columns like Dear Thelma in the newspaper Star. That is why, more and more people are opting for singlehood, I guess. Given the choice, however, I would like everybody to find their soul mates and live happily ever after. Life is certainly better in pairs than in singles. My teacher once said that marriage is like a union of two enemies—either you make it a heaven by learning how to reconcile with enemies or suffer a living hell by constantly quarreling over differences. The Mars and Venus, go by the pairs. They need to learn how to embrace and reconcile rather than bickering at each other continuously if we were to make a heaven out of it.
I feel people take the relationships too lightly these days. The divorce rate is hitting almost over 50 percent in the western continents while our Asian countries or Malaysia picking up the global trend rapidly. We need more holistic approach in cultivating healthy relationships. Before Mars and Venus, we are the same human beings who just want love and acceptance of our own uniqueness. Men usually like to draw complete and definite picture. Details and objectivity are important. We women prefer abstract picture with tinge of emotion and imagination with some space to alter it later in case we change our mind! Besides that, some men are soft while some women are tough depending on their elements that are mapped on the blueprints. I recently happened to consult few of my yoga students on their love life that I thought of giving you some insights about the Mars and Venus. Although I have no intention to become a love guru like John Grey or Mike Myers but I don’t mind bringing astrological illumination in case you need to find a beacon of love life or domestic peace. You know where to find me. Cheers!
The book was also the very first book my husband gave me as a present when we first started dating years back. Unlike the new breed of young Koreans you see it today, cool and fantastic with their jaw dropping hip-hop skills, I belong to the previous uptight generation who doesn’t know how to relax or laugh easily with somewhat serious cultural pretention in our shoulders. My hubby on the other hand, who is fully western educated with his extra psychology diploma besides his major, initially had trouble communicating with me whenever we had “issues” to deal with. I usually shut up and opted to process within me whenever there was problem. He preferred to talk about “it” rather than “zip the mouth and bottle it up” like how I used to be. He didn’t know how to handle my silence. So he bought me the book which was an eye-opener to me. It never dawned on me how men and women think differently, perceive and act in almost opposite way from each other. I thought he should naturally know what I want before I say it. But he didn’t have a clue about what I want because I didn’t say it!
So it was very smart of him to buy me the book because I started to develop more understanding and patience about his different ways of functioning despite my own expectations that were otherwise. We seldom hit the walls up ever since because we both are aware of our generically different modes and do our best not to impose one’s way to another. That keeps our peace in the household most of time except occasional minor bickering every now and then.
Later when I learned of the language of stars, astrology, I realized that the positions of the Mars and Venus in our birth charts have great deals on our likes and dislikes, not only in love relationship but also in our overall inclination, aspiration, tendency, etc. Besides the XX and XY things, we have these energy attunements of fire, earth, air and water depending on how and where his or her Mars or Venus is located out of the twelve zodiac signs. For example, not all women like roses or remember anniversaries and not all men like sports or crazy about cars. Not all women are whimsical while not all men are control freaks. Among men and women, there are also individual differences. Thereby, if you are a man trying to ask out a woman of your interest, you can’t just rely on the general information. You have to know what she likes specifically be it rose or book. If you are a girl and waiting for a prince charming to discover you as the ragged Cinderella in distress, you might just have to wait till your hair turns grey. Because they say all good men are married. (The truth is all not-so-good men become all good after they married.) Thereby you have to know how to see your man pass the veils of fancy into the long future that are lying ahead with realistic modes. Then how to do?
One of the best way as I found out is by looking at the blueprints for the locations of the Mars and Venus of respective partner’s and yours’. They have to match and compatible if you want to make your relationships one of those made in heaven. There is no good god fairy mother in this modern world. Each man and woman has to go all the way out to find their matches according to their own standards and do their best to live through the fundamental differences even after married. Who said they lived happily ever after? Only in fairy tale! Either be it courting or managing marriage, men and women relationships are never easy or have straight forward answers. You just have to find out what works for your own mate and the blueprints just might hold the keys if you are interested in opening it.
People are very different inside and you can’t expect the same reactions from person to person. For example, after reading this story, if you buy your partner John Grey’s book, it might not work as well as it has been in my case. My Venus is in Aquarius; I am inclined towards ideas and concepts. I like learning over jewelry or fancy dining. That’s why, my hubby’s strategy to buy me books works for me especially when he needs to convince me something of his agenda. I am easy to get inspired by noble ideas in the books and he just needs to find a well-written book on that particular topic! Likewise, to know what you like, what your partner likes, you take a look at his/her Mars and Venus then it becomes easy. If your woman has her Venus in Taurus; then you better be prepared with house, cars and jewelry before you propose to her. If you are a girl and you like a man who has Venus in Taurus, make sure you know how to cook gourmet dishes. If her Venus is Gemini, then, you better polish your ears so that you can be a good listener when she is talking like a machine gun, etc. It is quite intriguing to discover the correlation between the stars and our characteristics or inclinations.
So like anything else, there is no straight forward answer in life’s different situation and dilemma, especially in men and women’s relationship. However if we have foreknowledge of our own and his/her astrological make ups, it helps greatly in saving our troubles of heartaches, toiling night sleeps, or yelling, screaming and banging the doors. It can save much money also from compulsive shopping sprees or night club routines in your vain efforts to please him or her. Unlike common misunderstanding of people and malpractices of many astrologers, astrology is not about fortune telling but is a guiding post to shed lights into every step of our lives, so that we don’t have to struggle in darkness to find the way. You just find a light switch then it gets immediately brighter. Astrology is about finding the light switch to illuminate our life.
Whenever I see nice singles, be men or women, I can’t help but to think of how to match-make them. As I understand, it is not easy trying to find own dates or mates these days, especially for busy city folks and professionals who virtually spend whole days and nights in the cars or offices. And worse still, finding the mate is one thing but maintaining the relationship is another matter entirely. All kinds of mishaps and common heartbreaks are what I can only glimpse from TV, internet or the weekend columns like Dear Thelma in the newspaper Star. That is why, more and more people are opting for singlehood, I guess. Given the choice, however, I would like everybody to find their soul mates and live happily ever after. Life is certainly better in pairs than in singles. My teacher once said that marriage is like a union of two enemies—either you make it a heaven by learning how to reconcile with enemies or suffer a living hell by constantly quarreling over differences. The Mars and Venus, go by the pairs. They need to learn how to embrace and reconcile rather than bickering at each other continuously if we were to make a heaven out of it.
I feel people take the relationships too lightly these days. The divorce rate is hitting almost over 50 percent in the western continents while our Asian countries or Malaysia picking up the global trend rapidly. We need more holistic approach in cultivating healthy relationships. Before Mars and Venus, we are the same human beings who just want love and acceptance of our own uniqueness. Men usually like to draw complete and definite picture. Details and objectivity are important. We women prefer abstract picture with tinge of emotion and imagination with some space to alter it later in case we change our mind! Besides that, some men are soft while some women are tough depending on their elements that are mapped on the blueprints. I recently happened to consult few of my yoga students on their love life that I thought of giving you some insights about the Mars and Venus. Although I have no intention to become a love guru like John Grey or Mike Myers but I don’t mind bringing astrological illumination in case you need to find a beacon of love life or domestic peace. You know where to find me. Cheers!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
What do you wan to be when you grow up?
Just the other day, one of my former yoga students who has an active toddler boy, called me for Chinese New Year greeting. We exchanged few pleasantries catching up our missing times since her pregnancy a couple years back. While we were talking, she jokingly mentioned that her previous ambition to have five children still remained, but since she is not so young now (36 years old, a Tiger), she will just have to surrender to God for whatever He can give. Meanwhile they are aiming for a Tiger baby born of a Tiger mother this year. We laughed and hung up the phone after wishing her good luck.
Maybe it’s not only her but all girls’ dream is to have many children in their life if conditions and circumstances allowed. I too used to joke of having five children to make each one a lawyer, a doctor, a politician, a businessman and an artist—thus covering all my unfulfilled dreams of what I wanted to become when I grew up. As fate would have it, I married late and got busy with life and ended up with only one kid, instead of five. But I still love children and admire those who have many because they are such a bundle of joy at the same time, real life teachers to us.
As any parents would agree, it is never easy to raise kids since they demand of us endless sacrifices and patience. It’s also true that despite such enormous challenges, we will do anything for them, with whatever it takes, to make them happy and well. The sweats and toils of parenthood are nothing compare to what they bring to us --- unconditional love, pure happiness and sheer joy. They make any parent very proud and mellow, to look forward to their fine future with love and hope.
Unfortunately, as great as our love for them is, so are our expectations of them. In our overzealousness to give them the best, we sometimes forget how much is too much or how little is too little. Over pampered kids screaming and running around in a department store is one common sight these days. Hyperactive kids who constantly harass parents, teachers and friends, increasing number of kids with ADD and autism are common behavioral disorders in children. Even among the normal children, many silently suffer from high stress and anxiety attacks due to heavy school works, various tuitions and various talents classes.
Given the chance to grow in their own time and space, I believe that all children will eventually know exactly what they want and what’s best for them, because all children are whole and magical when they’ve decided to come to inhabit the earth. It is us adult that don’t see the wholeness and magic because we’ve imposed our perception of what’s best on them. Children are naturally genius (ie genii, magical), creative and wise. It has been consistently proven that a child learns best while playing and having fun, by mimicking the world around them with natural movements and creative imaginations. Their untainted minds are like a plain clear canvas, and only they can draw and paint anything they like. Parents only need to create the space and time for this to happen.
Increasingly we see many of our children grow up in a cloistered and hurried environment -- in the securely guarded house, in the car, in the school, tuition centers etc. Unfortunately these children quickly lose their ability to dream and eventually become small adults. However, we all love to see children with their uninhibited carefree spirit, silvery laughter and natural joy. I wonder why so many parents have forgotten this simple truth.
Recently, it has been found that yoga can be of great help for children in their early formative years. It increases their self-awareness, builds their self-esteem, and strengthens their bodies. Creative, fun and playful Yoga exercises increase energy as they release tension. It helps children by improving their flexibility, motor-skills, body image, memory and self-confidence. Yoga also enhances children’s concentration and improves patience. Yoga is a time-tested science of movement. Many of the postures are names inspired from nature. Some are named after animals, such as the cobra, cats and dogs. Some postures are called mountain, tree and lotus. Through various yoga playful exercises, these postures regulate the child’s brain and nervous system, making the child naturally vibrant and happy, and helping them to grow up as a healthy and whole person. As parents, we want to create the space and time for natural unfolding of genius, just as the cocoon cannot be forced, but to be allowed, to become a butterfly.
If you are and interested in KidsYoga, don’t miss out on the March intake as the seats are limited to ensure quality attention to each child.
Announcement:
1. KidsYoga for Fun and Play (new intake from 6th march 9.30am)
2. Free Yoga Walk for Better Health and Posture.
Every Sunday 6.30—8am, the north Badminton court in Section 7
3. Monthly Wellness Program (based on Chinese Medicine and Yoga therapy)
Maybe it’s not only her but all girls’ dream is to have many children in their life if conditions and circumstances allowed. I too used to joke of having five children to make each one a lawyer, a doctor, a politician, a businessman and an artist—thus covering all my unfulfilled dreams of what I wanted to become when I grew up. As fate would have it, I married late and got busy with life and ended up with only one kid, instead of five. But I still love children and admire those who have many because they are such a bundle of joy at the same time, real life teachers to us.
As any parents would agree, it is never easy to raise kids since they demand of us endless sacrifices and patience. It’s also true that despite such enormous challenges, we will do anything for them, with whatever it takes, to make them happy and well. The sweats and toils of parenthood are nothing compare to what they bring to us --- unconditional love, pure happiness and sheer joy. They make any parent very proud and mellow, to look forward to their fine future with love and hope.
Unfortunately, as great as our love for them is, so are our expectations of them. In our overzealousness to give them the best, we sometimes forget how much is too much or how little is too little. Over pampered kids screaming and running around in a department store is one common sight these days. Hyperactive kids who constantly harass parents, teachers and friends, increasing number of kids with ADD and autism are common behavioral disorders in children. Even among the normal children, many silently suffer from high stress and anxiety attacks due to heavy school works, various tuitions and various talents classes.
Given the chance to grow in their own time and space, I believe that all children will eventually know exactly what they want and what’s best for them, because all children are whole and magical when they’ve decided to come to inhabit the earth. It is us adult that don’t see the wholeness and magic because we’ve imposed our perception of what’s best on them. Children are naturally genius (ie genii, magical), creative and wise. It has been consistently proven that a child learns best while playing and having fun, by mimicking the world around them with natural movements and creative imaginations. Their untainted minds are like a plain clear canvas, and only they can draw and paint anything they like. Parents only need to create the space and time for this to happen.
Increasingly we see many of our children grow up in a cloistered and hurried environment -- in the securely guarded house, in the car, in the school, tuition centers etc. Unfortunately these children quickly lose their ability to dream and eventually become small adults. However, we all love to see children with their uninhibited carefree spirit, silvery laughter and natural joy. I wonder why so many parents have forgotten this simple truth.
Recently, it has been found that yoga can be of great help for children in their early formative years. It increases their self-awareness, builds their self-esteem, and strengthens their bodies. Creative, fun and playful Yoga exercises increase energy as they release tension. It helps children by improving their flexibility, motor-skills, body image, memory and self-confidence. Yoga also enhances children’s concentration and improves patience. Yoga is a time-tested science of movement. Many of the postures are names inspired from nature. Some are named after animals, such as the cobra, cats and dogs. Some postures are called mountain, tree and lotus. Through various yoga playful exercises, these postures regulate the child’s brain and nervous system, making the child naturally vibrant and happy, and helping them to grow up as a healthy and whole person. As parents, we want to create the space and time for natural unfolding of genius, just as the cocoon cannot be forced, but to be allowed, to become a butterfly.
If you are and interested in KidsYoga, don’t miss out on the March intake as the seats are limited to ensure quality attention to each child.
Announcement:
1. KidsYoga for Fun and Play (new intake from 6th march 9.30am)
2. Free Yoga Walk for Better Health and Posture.
Every Sunday 6.30—8am, the north Badminton court in Section 7
3. Monthly Wellness Program (based on Chinese Medicine and Yoga therapy)
Monday, February 22, 2010
What's in the name?
My father belongs to the old Korean generation who believed daughters are liability in the household. Thereby having three daughters in a row after losing his first eldest son to a mysterious fever, was not exactly happy thing for him, especially in securing the ancestry line as the eldest son himself. According to our folklore superstition, giving humble names to the proceeding girls will ensure the birth of a boy later. So he just did that. He named his first daughter with the commonest suffix of “Ja” and the second daughter, which is me, with the second commonest one “Sook.” “Bong”, which means “phoenix” in Chinese character, is the shared middle name, thus Bong-Ja and Bong-Sook is our name that sounded pretty outdated even in my generation.
Much to his disappointment, though, the next one also was a girl. My good natured father, by then, didn’t have the heart to simply name her with yet another common one. So he gave her a very pretty and different name than us, Soo-Kyung, even skipping the “Bong” as the middle character. Yes, after that, he finally got a son, our younger brother. Of course, he was an exception. He got his name from an astrologer, instead of our father, after having done professional consultation. In fact he has two names, one for the formal and another for the nickname.
But strangely our not-so-affectionate father somehow dotted the third daughter, not the son. While we were growing up, father’s favorite was my younger sister. He will remember only her birthday, not even mother’s, and sneak presents or stipends to her occasionally. He was rather indifferent to the rest of us but nevertheless he was a quietly loving father that we didn’t really make a fuss out of his slightly extra affection toward her, except with the names, for me.
I was not proud of my name neither my elder sister’s because they sounded so country girls and old fashioned. I often accused him of naming us so insincerely. I forgot what his reaction was but surely he didn’t feel guilty at all nor my elder sister ever complained about it. It was only me, the second daughter, who was grumpy and unhappy with it all along. But one day years later, it changed for better after I discovered what was in the name. I came to read about a legendry bird called “Bong”; the same character of my name, from the Chinese classic “Zhuang-zi.”
In the tale that was told,
“There is a fish called Kun in the Northern Ocean, which measures several thousand li (1 li is about 1 kilometer) in length. One day, it suddenly changed itself into a bird called Bong whose back measures several thousand li in breadth. The Bong took wind and flew up to 90,000 li in the sky. From high up in the air, the Bong looked down and everything appeared indistinct. The hills, rivers and cities were no longer visible. The Bong gazed upwards and saw endless expanses. It became one with heaven and earth. The expansive mind must be limitless like Bong so that it is not rooted in the mundane. Only when one views things from the standpoint of time and space, then there will be oneness with all things.”
You see, it suddenly made sense to me why I had this unworldly and wondering nature. As far as I can remember I was always looking for something beyond from where I was. There seemed to me somewhere else place I needed to go. Either lying down in the field with my dreamy eyes following the floating clouds in the sky or standing at the corner of a wall watching people passing by… in retrospect, I think I was like a bird in the cage wanting to fly, to find freedom, to find my own place where I could feel belong…
Unlike my younger sister or friends, I seldom played any dolls or those children’s games. Neither my elder sister did. My elder sister was a more sadistic one than me. I don’t remember her ever playing or laughing. She was serious, studious and exposed herself early on different religious teachings, especially on Buddhism. I was not. I was a dreamer and an adventurer. I often checked out myself into some unknown place in the sky as though looking for the many gods described in the Greek mythologies. The Apollo in the chariot led by many horses passing by the glaring midday Sun, the long black haired Hades quietly sneaking around in the darkness of nights, and the almighty Zeus with the terrible thunderbolts in stormy summer, following behind the Narcissi who was in love with himself…
Could it be the name thing? Or are our fates related with our names? Eventually my elder sister settled in far away land Russia with her priest husband. I settled in where I am and with what I am doing right now. My younger sister never went out of the country but lives close with father after marrying into a large family. When I met my then future hubby who is a serious Taoist scholar, he interpreted my name as “a phoenix living by the spring water in a forest.” Then, it sounded even better. Added together with my Pisces sun sign and natural temperament to reflect in solitude, I realized that it was a perfect name for me all along. “Beth” is the nickname my hubby gave me to strengthen some of the weakness that he found from my birth data according to his Taoist Almanac calculation.
I doubt my father might have picked the name after reading the Zhuang-zi but it didn’t matter anymore. The story of the mysterious legendry bird Bong appealed to me now. Like him, maybe my elder sister and I also were eying on the expansive universe that exists beyond this ordinary world we are in. I likened myself to the fish waiting to get transformed to a great big bird, so that I could one day fly high up and become one with the great universe. Imagining myself a phoenix in the making, helps me greatly in setting my life direction thus far, especially when challenges of life are overwhelming at times. I would remember the magnificent bird who needs to bear considerable amount of time to transform itself from a fish, and exert great strength to fly high so that it can spread its huge wings in the vastness of the sky… then, I can easily find my composure and serenity.
Yes, in this fast moving modern era, cultivating infinite patience to keep one’s dream high and alive is much challenging task because everybody else seems so busy to achieve, accumulate and consume… Zhuang-zi advised us to be like a floating tweak in water, going around the rocks and trees in the streams and rivers, eventually to flow into the ocean. I find it is not easy matter, however. Learning how to flow with the currents of water without resisting, keeping my lucid idealism up without getting caught up in the crazy market places of insane materialism and corrupt spiritualism… But then, what I can’t give up is the dream I held for so long, the longing in my heart for some place ethereal and out worldly. I do not believe our life meant to be just this ordinary, wasting in never ending pursuits of sensual gratifications only while forgetting to live our hopes, dreams and visions with focus and efforts.
Maybe I am still a hopeless dreamer to insist my own place, my own styles, and doing my own things in my own phase. I try to teach people to slow down, to take time nurturing one’s strength and polishing one’s dream before rush out with desires and impulses. I hate to see people bringing their own downfall sooner or later. By doing so, I am living my own name and at the same time helping others to live their own name because it is often the case that one’s name reveals the true nature and purpose of their life. Do you know what is in your name? Maybe you want to look into it if you haven’t? You might be surprised to find out how much it holds the key in achieving your lifelong dream of happiness and purposeful living…
Much to his disappointment, though, the next one also was a girl. My good natured father, by then, didn’t have the heart to simply name her with yet another common one. So he gave her a very pretty and different name than us, Soo-Kyung, even skipping the “Bong” as the middle character. Yes, after that, he finally got a son, our younger brother. Of course, he was an exception. He got his name from an astrologer, instead of our father, after having done professional consultation. In fact he has two names, one for the formal and another for the nickname.
But strangely our not-so-affectionate father somehow dotted the third daughter, not the son. While we were growing up, father’s favorite was my younger sister. He will remember only her birthday, not even mother’s, and sneak presents or stipends to her occasionally. He was rather indifferent to the rest of us but nevertheless he was a quietly loving father that we didn’t really make a fuss out of his slightly extra affection toward her, except with the names, for me.
I was not proud of my name neither my elder sister’s because they sounded so country girls and old fashioned. I often accused him of naming us so insincerely. I forgot what his reaction was but surely he didn’t feel guilty at all nor my elder sister ever complained about it. It was only me, the second daughter, who was grumpy and unhappy with it all along. But one day years later, it changed for better after I discovered what was in the name. I came to read about a legendry bird called “Bong”; the same character of my name, from the Chinese classic “Zhuang-zi.”
In the tale that was told,
“There is a fish called Kun in the Northern Ocean, which measures several thousand li (1 li is about 1 kilometer) in length. One day, it suddenly changed itself into a bird called Bong whose back measures several thousand li in breadth. The Bong took wind and flew up to 90,000 li in the sky. From high up in the air, the Bong looked down and everything appeared indistinct. The hills, rivers and cities were no longer visible. The Bong gazed upwards and saw endless expanses. It became one with heaven and earth. The expansive mind must be limitless like Bong so that it is not rooted in the mundane. Only when one views things from the standpoint of time and space, then there will be oneness with all things.”
You see, it suddenly made sense to me why I had this unworldly and wondering nature. As far as I can remember I was always looking for something beyond from where I was. There seemed to me somewhere else place I needed to go. Either lying down in the field with my dreamy eyes following the floating clouds in the sky or standing at the corner of a wall watching people passing by… in retrospect, I think I was like a bird in the cage wanting to fly, to find freedom, to find my own place where I could feel belong…
Unlike my younger sister or friends, I seldom played any dolls or those children’s games. Neither my elder sister did. My elder sister was a more sadistic one than me. I don’t remember her ever playing or laughing. She was serious, studious and exposed herself early on different religious teachings, especially on Buddhism. I was not. I was a dreamer and an adventurer. I often checked out myself into some unknown place in the sky as though looking for the many gods described in the Greek mythologies. The Apollo in the chariot led by many horses passing by the glaring midday Sun, the long black haired Hades quietly sneaking around in the darkness of nights, and the almighty Zeus with the terrible thunderbolts in stormy summer, following behind the Narcissi who was in love with himself…
Could it be the name thing? Or are our fates related with our names? Eventually my elder sister settled in far away land Russia with her priest husband. I settled in where I am and with what I am doing right now. My younger sister never went out of the country but lives close with father after marrying into a large family. When I met my then future hubby who is a serious Taoist scholar, he interpreted my name as “a phoenix living by the spring water in a forest.” Then, it sounded even better. Added together with my Pisces sun sign and natural temperament to reflect in solitude, I realized that it was a perfect name for me all along. “Beth” is the nickname my hubby gave me to strengthen some of the weakness that he found from my birth data according to his Taoist Almanac calculation.
I doubt my father might have picked the name after reading the Zhuang-zi but it didn’t matter anymore. The story of the mysterious legendry bird Bong appealed to me now. Like him, maybe my elder sister and I also were eying on the expansive universe that exists beyond this ordinary world we are in. I likened myself to the fish waiting to get transformed to a great big bird, so that I could one day fly high up and become one with the great universe. Imagining myself a phoenix in the making, helps me greatly in setting my life direction thus far, especially when challenges of life are overwhelming at times. I would remember the magnificent bird who needs to bear considerable amount of time to transform itself from a fish, and exert great strength to fly high so that it can spread its huge wings in the vastness of the sky… then, I can easily find my composure and serenity.
Yes, in this fast moving modern era, cultivating infinite patience to keep one’s dream high and alive is much challenging task because everybody else seems so busy to achieve, accumulate and consume… Zhuang-zi advised us to be like a floating tweak in water, going around the rocks and trees in the streams and rivers, eventually to flow into the ocean. I find it is not easy matter, however. Learning how to flow with the currents of water without resisting, keeping my lucid idealism up without getting caught up in the crazy market places of insane materialism and corrupt spiritualism… But then, what I can’t give up is the dream I held for so long, the longing in my heart for some place ethereal and out worldly. I do not believe our life meant to be just this ordinary, wasting in never ending pursuits of sensual gratifications only while forgetting to live our hopes, dreams and visions with focus and efforts.
Maybe I am still a hopeless dreamer to insist my own place, my own styles, and doing my own things in my own phase. I try to teach people to slow down, to take time nurturing one’s strength and polishing one’s dream before rush out with desires and impulses. I hate to see people bringing their own downfall sooner or later. By doing so, I am living my own name and at the same time helping others to live their own name because it is often the case that one’s name reveals the true nature and purpose of their life. Do you know what is in your name? Maybe you want to look into it if you haven’t? You might be surprised to find out how much it holds the key in achieving your lifelong dream of happiness and purposeful living…
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