The Now—the Pause between Breaths

I have long refused to read the famous best seller “the Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle until March this year. The main reason was from my aversion toward any “hoo-hoo-ha-ha” of public hype as I am naturally cautious for anything if they are too noisy. He was featured big few times by Oprah Winfrey. She is a big fan of his and the once-anonymous-man owes huge debt to her for his now-world-famous celebrity status. Thus, I have been flipping his books in the bookstores every now and then, but, was never really inclined to read through it. Then, Bhante Kovida is one of his avid fans and strongly recommended me to read it. Okay…

It didn’t take me long to finish reading once I sat with it. Yes, very far out book, definitely…but I am not yet so convinced by it. Not because I couldn’t grasp or understand what he is talking about, but because of the levels of abstraction in his language for the description of the “Now.” Because, the Now is so easy to grasp it as soon as you can turn back to your breathing—breathing in, breathing, and pause. The Now is simply in the pause. The more spacious and steady the pauses become, the Now is just right there for you to start living it. It’s extremely sweet, loving and full, just like Indian mangos. If you tasted local mangos only, and think you know the taste of good Indian mangos, then, you are very wrong. So is the taste of the true Now, that lies in between our breaths. Breath by breath, they are so honest and direct path to our freedom and well-being in all levels of our being, the body, mind and spirit.

But, he and his questioners go round and round, as though chasing after its own tails, to understand the “Now.” Very much like the J. Krishnamurti. The legendary theosophy philosopher spent his entire life to explain about meditative states instead of teaching meditation until he died of 90 plus years of age. He talked forever about how beautiful is the silence of mind in reflecting nature and life, but he could never convey his exalted experiences to his world-wide followers. Because people were asking the same type of questions again and again decades after decades instead of they themselves meditate to grasp those experiences. I was told that he died as a very disappointed man… It seems to me that Mr. Tolle is also taking Mr. Krishnamurti’s footsteps…

It is just amazing to realize how much people love to talk about love rather than being lovers. Same goes with mindfulness, goodness and wisdom. Rather than living mindful, good and wise, they analyze about mindfulness, goodness and wisdom. Embracing the Power of Now? Rather than living Now, they talk about how to live Now while constantly moving back and forward to the past and future. It is truly absurd and frustrating to repeat the same talk about certain issues again and again, while it all falls onto deaf ears because not many are truly listening. As much as we are paranoid about talking than listening that can only happen in Now, we are forever going to miss the trains to our destinations.

Truth, happiness, peace and harmony…they elude us like mirage. Our inborn nature, the longing for highest truth in us, always look up for something loftier than mundane. That is why there are so many quacks that use the name of religion and spirituality to cheat and abuse people. The naives are those ignorants who believe others’ talks in the face value. We just have to know how to distinguish the truths for our own good if we were not to get dragged around by the nose in the market place of spirituality.

Whatever I have seen some-twenty years ago in my US days, now, coming to the shore of Malaysia… Lately a lot of spiritual products in the New Age era are rushing over here. Outdated over there, arriving here now, each claiming to offer salvation, love, bliss and spiritual freedom to our famished material souls. I am not saying they are wrong. It is just that I am reminding you to take all of that with a pinch of salts. Too sweet consumption, you might get diabetes. It is all matter of balancing the trinity in us—body, mind and spirit. Don’t swing to one side only. Come back to the other side as well as the pause in between. Don’t get into too much mood making. Don’t do too much thinking and talking and planning for the future. Learn to rest in Now.

The Now is the Pause in between, in our breaths. When you can live more of your breathing awareness, then, you can also understand what Mr. Tolle is talking about, what Mr. Krishnamurti is talking about. Mindfulness meditation, Loving-Kindness meditation…they all have roots in the Breaths. You can truly experience and actually live all those wonderful things they talk about when you can discover the pause in between the breaths. Until then, what sounds sweet to ears will remain just one step out of your reach. They can’t be yours.

Your life is depended on your breaths. So is the Now, so is your health, happiness, love and material/spiritual emancipations. The Now is in the Pause in between our breaths, so easy to forget, but so easy to get in touch, as soon as you can remember.

Breathe in, breathe out, and pause; breathe in, breathe out, and pause…there lies the eternal humdrum of our godly nature. One step forward, breathe in, one step forward breathe out, one step forward, pause your breath…we walk side by side with our Holy Spirit or Buddha nature. How can you be not mindful, loving, kind or blissful when you become just That. Don’t waste time and energy talking about, thinking about, discussing over it. Don’t fret over it for ages trying. Just do. Just breathe in, out and pause but, you have to put your whole awareness to it instead of running on auto-pilot mode. It is much easier than you think. Even your toddlers can do. Why not you? Now, let's do breathing together. Breathing in, breathing out and pause…search for where the breathing is happening? Tummy, chest? It doesn’t really matter as long as you continue be mindful of your breaths; your body will know what to do, your mind will calm down in no time, and your spirit will shine forward brightly… Trust me.

Do You See Rabbits in the Moon?

It is Autumn Full Moon Day today. In my back home, the day is celebrated with much grandeur; two days are official national holidays but most private sectors are off almost for a week. It is the second biggest national celebration next to Chinese New Year. Living away from my own culture while immersed in different one for many years, I don’t have much a sense of belonging in either. Thus I have lost in touch with any celebrative mood makeup regarding various seasonal markings in the calendar. However, I generally have a special fondness towards Moon that, Autumn Full Moon Day is one of those days I make sure to pause and look up the night sky.

No, I am not looking for Rabbits in the Moon but, somehow, the Moon almost always brings up certain kinds of sentimentality in my heart since small.

Astrologically, Moon is related with feelings, emotions, intuitions, perceptions, etc. Depending on the size of Moon in person’s birth charts and the conditions of waxing or waning among others, the strengths and stability of his/her EQ (emotional quotient) can easily be accessed. Thus in India, the land of soothsayers, well-conditioned moon is a must for a girl and top consideration in match making. I was told by my teacher that, the birth charts of Kamala Nehru who is the wife of Jawalal Nehru, the first Prime Minister of Independent India, and the mother of all mighty Indira Gandhi, was secretly consulted by Nehru’s father to astrologers prior their arranged marriage. Her moon promised a good progeny. That was how, the uneducated girl from a poor family was chosen to be the wife of a British educated powerful lawyer and distinguished disciple of Mahatma Gandhi. Kamala herself suffered ill health and died early, but, it seems the prediction holds it to be true after all. Three Prime Ministers are down the lineage. Her grand-daughter-in-law Sonia Gandhi is currently the most powerful political leader in India with her son Raul Gandhi is in the making of a future Prime Minister.

No, I am not interested in politics at all. It is just a story I heard from my teacher that shows the significance of the moon in life. That is why I am recalling the story to you as well. Not only in choosing our life partner, but also in accessing the people whom we associate with, it helps tremendously if you understand the conditions of their moon beside your own. Understanding the moon in more objective lights, can bring up much love, compassion and genuine humanity as well, thus much legal fees can also be saved in divorce courts.

I used to be rather a difficult person to interact because of the peculiar coldness I emit. That is because, I have a very hyper sensitive moon in my birth chart. I easily get affected by unwholesome outside influences even now. So with some coldness and distance, I was protecting myself from getting hurt. On the other hand, the difficult moon gives me the ability to slip into others’ shoes easily, to understand their certain emotional reactions from their point of views like their own. Thus, I used to suffer this pain in my emotional heart frequently because I hastily take up others’ pain into mine.

Doing more of Hatha Yoga was the saving grace. When the body was weak and not taken care of properly, the emotion also ran havoc easily. It was very difficult to live with its constant insanity. When the body became stronger and more balanced, the mind and emotion also could maintain its composure with more ease. Inborn hyper sensitivity could transmute into high perception to intuitively know right and wrong, proper and improper, too much and too little; thus rendering the ability of natural balance to pause in between. So I continue do Yoga everyday and the Sun and Moon Salutation yoga exercise series continue to be one of my favorite routines. Join me if you are not sure what to do, how to feel, can’t decide…etc. Your head and heart will become much clearer after sweating and limber body.

Happy Full Moon Day to you all! In our folks tale, the secret wishes made in the day, comes true. So don’t forget to look up to the sky and make your wishes!

A dog story

The other night coming back home from an outing, we saw our front neighbor elderly couple taking a walk with their dog and cat. Obviously the dog was happy sniffing around in a leash held by the lady master. But the cat wasn’t. He was tied in a long chain leash held by the master and sat at the grass refusing to move. “Ayoh…!!! Dog goes for a walk with masters but cat does their own…!” Edwin, the animal lover, exclaimed from the rear seat. Of course, they couldn’t hear it. The poor cat, looking gauntly, gave an indifferent look towards us as our car passed by them. It seems they didn’t want to lose their recently picked-up stray cat. So they keep him tied down at the corner of their gate. He doesn’t look pleased, though, to get tied, especially when he sees our dog Jang-Gun, the Doberman, left freely roaming inside our compound directly opposite to their house.

“Mommy, do you know what Winston Churchill said about the difference between cats and dog?" "No, I don't know." He said, “Dogs look Up on you, cats look Down, and…pigs look Equal with you!!”

I laughed. I thought that was brilliant. I am not so much an animal person, but, he is. One time, when he was about two to three years old, he got fascinated with hamsters after seeing it a neighbor girl playing with it. He immediately fell in love with the little creatures, begging me to buy him one. Of course, cannot…!!! I dare not to touch anything crawly, geli, or creepy. All my body hair would stand up and also I can’t stand the smell. On the other hand, he somehow just loves anything that are living things, large and small, except cockroaches. The little Edwin begged me to keep hamster, and later, rabbit, and then, later dog… I would say no, each time, with the excuses that we are not supposed to keep any animal in the house, because we were living in apartments then. But I promised him to keep a guarding dog when we move into a landed house later, with the condition that he would know how to take care and clean after the dog. I kept my promise and he kept his. That is how we have our dog, Jang-Gun. So far, Edwin is doing a good job taking care of him, feeding, washing and playing.

Surprisingly though, I also started to like him and other dogs. Unlike his fierce look, Jang-Gun is a very loving and sweet. He knows whom to bark or not to. He will bark fiercely to sampah men, mailmen, or any suspicious men coming near his house, but never to our guests or friends, even if he sees them for the first time. How he knows? I have no idea. He also knows which plants to disturb and which plants absolutely shouldn’t. My hubby keeps hundreds of orchid in the front and back compounds. Jang-Gun will never, never touch them or go near them. But he will nibble those weeds growing at the different corner of the house. Oh…one more thing, he will also not make any noise if I am in the living hall doing my things or resting, because, he knows I don’t like noisy. He just knows how to behave himself differently to all of us. He is ever hyperactive and playful with Edwin; playful with or afraid of my hubby depending on hubby’s mood; and ever cautious but gently loving with me. See, how can I not like him when I see him having a so clear intelligence and discretion, even if, he is just an animal?

One thing, he doesn’t like water or getting wet. Whenever it rains, he will find the last dry corner to stand, just to avoid getting wet. He lies his body flat on his back whenever Edwin trying to bathe him. Edwin has to struggle hard to drag him to water tap. He is getting bigger, so it is getting more difficult to make him bathe. Every now and then, I watch their battles in amusement.

One day, it was raining outside and I was reading in the table. Then, I saw Jang-Gun seating outside of the porch, wet and shivering. I was wondering what this dog was up to. I went out to call him back.

“What are you doing, Jang-Gun? Why are you sitting there wet? What’s wrong?”

But he just sat there shivering and looking at me afraid. The eyes were of when he did something wrong. So I looked around to see what mischief he did. One orchid pot was fallen on the floor. Judging from the scene, I figured he was walking past the pot when it fell by the strong wind. He took it as his fault. He got scare of his master’s fury when he finds out. So he was punishing himself in the rain wet and shivering, and refused to come in when I call him. I called Edwin who was in the upstairs. As I was telling Edwin the story, Jang-Gun was even more shivering. Edwin’s heart broke to see his dire distressed look. He refused to come in under the porch, so Edwin has to drag him again and tie him in his leash to stop him from keep running out again in the rain. In a while, my hubby came back home. We related the incident to him while Jang-Gun again in his almost panic state with his ears and tail tucked in. It was only when, my hubby tapped his back and said, it’s okay, that Jang-Gun relieved his guilty punishment to himself wagging his tail happily to the master.

It was truly amazing to see how even a dog knows how to repent himself when we human are often not. There are so many people around us who refused to see or admit their own faults, even if it is so obvious. They are quick to arouse their temper in denial or self-defend, ever blaming others for anything wrong but never to themselves. It is always others that are at faults but not them. They are also quick to show their hostility or jealousy to other’s achievements or success. It is they who deserve all the best, the most comforts and success at no cost, while often ignoring or overlooking others’ sweat and toils behind what others might have spent for days and nights. They are so selfish when it comes to guarding their own interests but, seldom considerate or merciful when it is about others’.

I often wondered why, whenever I come across with such injustice or unfairness in anyone or situations. I used to chew or fret over it until I disturb my peace and sleep for days. But, now, as I am older and wiser, that I no longer wonder but understand why. They are lacking in self-love and sense of security. That is why they are behaving selfishly as the way they do. They might have grown up in the environment ever challenged with scarcity, competition for love or lack of affections. They might have grown up in over-pampered environments that, everything was revolving around themselves, never knowing how to share or be kind with others. They might have grown up in very threatening situations that, everybody else was out to get theirs or hurt them, but might never have received warm hugging and hot soup to relieve their cold stomach…

Whatever the reasons might be…this much is sure. Those who can’t love, share or repent over their own faults, they are the most unfortunate people in the world no matter how much they are rich or successful. After all, life is surprisingly simple to live and be happy when you have a roof over your head, clothes to wear, and enough food to eat. It is only when the heart is not content or in the right conditions, ah…that’s when the life starts to get complicated, with much wants or don’t-wants, hatreds or blames, regrets and worries…I suppose that is why, these days, many people are having dogs and call them they are the man’s best friends. Because their love, loyalty and dedications are totally unconditional…

We are running on auto-pilot machines

Couple of the months ago, I installed Korean-font in my computer. I haven’t written anything in Korean for many, many years. The last time, when I used Korean-key board, was with a type writer not a computer. That tells you, how long I have been off from it. Nevertheless, nervous in the beginning…but surprisingly, after few days, I could type them quite well and smoothly without much hesitation. I felt proud. My brain became fast slacked when I stopped using it, but apparently, my fingers were not. There were irreversible memories buried in my finger tips. I could recall them so easily, so fast, that now my fingers are almost flying on the keyboard.

The same goes with cycling. I learned how to cycle when I was about ten years old. We didn’t have a bicycle at home at the time. One day in school compound, our neighbors’ kids were riding bicycles. I fancied myself riding it. Kindly, they let me do and also helped me to learn how to cycle as well. I tumbled few times because my short legs and small feet were struggling hard to reach the pedals of the adults’ size bicycle. However I preserved…and then, by the late afternoon, I could cycle around the compound with no problem. On and off, I cycled with borrowed bicycles after that, but not very often, till twenty years later during my university days in the US. The campus was big and I needed a transport to move around. So I bought one, a bicycle. Though initially I wasn’t sure whether I could still remember it or not, but as soon as I pedaled on it, no problem. I could not only cycle around the campus but also ride out in the busy town for errands. Hah…my body and legs kept the memories for all those years while the brain forgets everything so easily whatever is not in sights.

Our body is like auto-pilot machines. Once you fine tune them for any given tasks, after a while, it runs automatically like an auto-pilot machine. Then, our ever busy-mind runs off miles away from whatever we are doing. We so often become mindless, joyless, and lifeless in what we are doing in the present moment; instead runs ever busy in between the past and future; busy to regret over the past and busy to plan the future; for all the while the body performs its given tasks on faithful auto-piloted program. We eat the same kinds of food all day long; we wear the same color and types of clothes day after day; we drive the same routes to work month after month; we repeat the same works year after year— all the while, the mind profoundly churning the same thoughts again and again. According to research, 95 % of our thoughts, emotions are repeat of yesterdays’. Is there any wonder, why we become so reluctant to any kinds of changes, challenges internally as well as externally, as the years goes by?

Well, I have been on this journey of body and mind for many years. I thought I have been on the right track. Mostly but not quite perfectly…I found that out last month when I came down with the stones in my gallbladder. As you might know me, I exercise a lot and meditate without fail, eat moderately and lead relatively balanced lifestyle. I also have my healer husband. And yet, I got sick with a liver problem, that which indicates the stress levels in my system have been on the rise. Lately, I’ve been not feeling well, almost depressed, except when I teach Yoga. I came to alive during Yoga classes only, but, other than that, I’ve been hiding in my cave of home to hibernate for the rest of day. I realized why… I forgot to take care of myself, taking for granted of my husband as it was his job when it comes to taking care of my health, while I just followed my mind’s tendency to busy itself with many projects wanting to accomplish fast and quick! (My Pitta dosha tendency…)

Nature always has its own way of teaching lessons when we behave stubborn. My hubby used to say I am a difficult patient to treat. I didn’t believe it. Well, I guess I was. So, as soon as I saw that and how I have been running on auto-pilot even with Yoga, it was like I got a wake-up call. I open my ears to him. More than anything, I listened to my body. I was being a bit too harsh last one year, waking up well before 5 am and often slept past midnight, occupied with my busy mind and lots of to-do lists. As Richard Carlson said, our in-box would never be empty until the moment we die. So, I decided just to hang out, take it easy, with extra sleep and rest, which I rarely do. Then, I could regain my love and passion for the present moment, not running too much for past or future. In turn, it slowly restored my health back too. Inspirations for daily life came back as well...

It was a good lesson I learned last two months. Now I can catch myself when it is about to go on auto-machine, the aches from the liver! Then, I would immediately slow down and watch how my mind slipped out again in its haywire habits. Thus, I have been more at peace these days, and more gratitude and love I feel too... The full moon in the sky last night was so beautiful… I guess we all need to get sick once in a while to appreciate the value of good health…Dear friends, you too, don't forget to take care!

Love is blind but the heart has many layers

My sister-in-law is going through a very ugly divorce that has been dragging on for more than 5 years. The man, once so madly in love with her for almost two decades, is now burning his heart with intense, fiery hatred and refusing any endorsement even for their two children. She and her two daughters are in deep agony. He used to park himself day and night at the outside of door for her and children. Now he became stone deaf for any logic and reason, hiding deep inside the skirt of his equally insane mistress. It took few years just to meet him once in the family court. She wonders how in the world she met such a man to marry and could have lived as a family for so many years. I am an outsider. Thus I have no way of knowing who is right or wrong. Each in its own, we all have layers, layers of inside stories that others can’t fathom. So I choose to remain as neutral as I can while being sympathetic and supportive at the same time. But still, the elbow bends inside; I can’t help to side them than the man…

The other day, I came across a picture in their courting days, so loving and sweet with each other. I felt profound sadness in my heart to ponder over what made them change so much that, now they are worse enemies than total strangers. They say love is blind but when the same heart turns its face, it also becomes blind with hatred, capable of even killing someone without weapons. I worry whether the father has not killed any sound image of man whatsoever in their young girls’ hearts for their future. Hope, they grow up to know that there are many, many layers in the heart, not just one, so that they could chose wisely when it’s time to make their own.

According to a well-known contemporary Zen master, we have two hearts; one is the physical heart curved towards the left and the other is the spiritual heart curved towards the right side of body. The physical heart is in charge of all the biological functions that are necessarily for maintaining life. The spiritual heart is in charge of all the rest energy circuits that are necessary for living life and there are four layers of it.

The first one is the senses and their pleasures, the grossest circuit that runs around in the bodily layer. The second one is that of the mind circuit that has its own pleasures which are a little finer. They are a little deeper, a little close r to the innermost being. Ideas, concepts, logic, science, philosophy…they belong here. The third one is still finer, deeper: it’s the layer of the heart—love, music, poetry, dance. The enjoyment and appreciation of harmony, color, poetry, and celebration of life…belong to here. The fourth is, the world of our being, the inner most core, which can enter through heightened awareness only. It is very deep, very subtle, the most mystic layers of our being that goes beyond the senses, the mind and the heart: it the world of the SPIRIT. It exists in the world of utter silence, of absolute emptiness, in the Tao. God resides in here, our spiritual home.

The closer we circuit around the center, the more rarified and dignified the qualities of our life will be, because that is where we can meet with the essences of our souls to bring lights into all the relationships around us. When the two souls meet and commune closer from the center, then, only then, the relationship can be one of those made in heaven. Otherwise blindness plus blindness, conflicts and miseries are what to follow.

The grosser we skip around from the surface, the more miserable, ugly and chaotic the life is. The man who lives in sensuality, lust, obsessed with food and body…is more like an animal. He is born as a human but utterly blind to the potential, unconscious of the whole range of his being. Not much different than animal kinds of life, unworthy of the precious spirit inside him. It is in this first layer where most of the miserable human dramas are concentrated and repeated.

The next, the layer of the mind, obsessed with collecting knowledge and data, is yet another kind of gross life; those who live mostly in this level, their head is full of information, discrimination and opinions. They suffer from inferior or superior complex, arrogant, prejudiced and judgmental. Their life can’t grow beyond the narrow, neurotic and psychotic mind. They don’t have a room to hold another person in their intellect. Relationship with another person is impossible as they worship the intellect more than anything else. You can’t argue with them because they are always right! In the end, many become insane, the candidates either mental asylum, fanatic religious or cults followers. If you love someone living in this plane, then, you better prepare yourself for it, too.

The third one, the layer of the heart, is the world of sensitivity, intuition, creativity and sympathetic joy. Those who can love without borders and conditions, and experience love that are boundless and spontaneous all around: they are the true lovers, poets, artists, musicians, dancers of life. Life blossoms in abundance and sheer joy with those we circuit around this plane. Love becomes nectar to enrich life and each soul can unfold its greatness and expand it beyond measurement. Relationship becomes the sources of true inspiration to give and share what is overflowing from their hearts. Every honeymoon couple rejoices in this plane, but, too often, it becomes shortlived…

The forth one, the layer of the spirit exists in the core center of our being. It is the source of our life: the beginning and the end. It is where we came from and where we will return. It is never born and never dies: eternal and infinite. When one is aware of its soul being part of the God nature, then, one can be alone and yet, together. The life becomes extra ordinary adventure filled with lights, love, dance and laughter. And it is in this plane that, true relationship can take place because one can relate to another in soul level. Wouldn’t you want to stay connected in this level?

Life is a process, where a soul takes a body and its circumstances to learn and experience the potentials, the whole layers of body, mind and spirit through a timely journey. Ultimately, we are alone. In the journey of life, we all have to walk alone. No one else can do it for us, even God. In essence, we are never separated from God. We only have to discover the God nature within. Awareness of the spirit, What is, What has never left from us, can come only through meditation. Alone, not by others, because it is deeply hidden inside our heart, at the center of our being. When two souls are in love, enters into relationships, it is best to meet and nurture in this level. Because then, they don’t need each other for anything other than love; they only reflect each other’s love like mirror, the God nature of each person. Their relationship is not of dependence, but of interdependence, to dance alone and together in the rhythm of eternally overflowing love, joy and happiness that comes from the center of being.

Do you have right love in your life? Have you found enough love to give and receive, unconditionally, without reservations? If yes, I salute to the extraordinary journey you must have taken to your heart, that which is never easy. If no, maybe, before blame others, you just turn around to look into your heart. Yes, love is blind, definitely, but the heart has many layers. Love not others but our own soul foremost, blindly and unconditionally. Only then, you can shine forward the infinite love from within and share with others without. The spirit stands alone, and thus, there will be no expectation, no disappointments, no manipulations but only truth, sincerity and acceptance to give another. That is our original nature. We’ve just forgotten by and by, by circuiting around too much from the gross levels. It is time to learn how to dive in, time to take plunge to your soul. When you come out, then, you can see the God’s face smiling from your partner. Wouldn’t that be wonderful to live with God every day? But you have to become That first, then, the other also will become That. Close your eyes more often, regularly; put your hands on the chest and, breathing in, breathing out…then, by and by, you will be able to remember your own God nature more often. Then, all the divorce lawyers, family courts, will have to switch their job for, maybe, matchmaking…