Mother crab saw her children walking always sideways. She didn’t like it. So she decided to teach them how to walk straight by showing it off her graceful walk, the same sidewalk…
As any parent would agree in unison, the love for own offspring knows no limit, has no boundary; it is automatic, spontaneous and unconditional. As great as our love for them is, so is our expectation towards them. We often consciously or unconsciously project our unfulfilled dream, a different life than ours, to them in a hope that they will live it out for us inspired by our devotion, unconditional love, but of course with the tag “it’s for you, not for me.”
Very often than not, too high parental expectations and controls tend to make things exactly opposite than what we intended for. Too many parents and children suffer from their strained relationships. What was started as pure joy and selfless love, often turn into disappointment or hatred, thereby ending up to be bitter enemies with each other. Why is that? Because, in our hindsight, we often do not realize the obvious truth that our children copy what they see, not what we say, just like the mother crab.
I did one counseling today. It a nice lady in her early forty, whose younger sister I know very well. I will call her Yen. She doesn’t speak English, so I had to use an interpretator. Yen has been suffering from her unhappy marriage for long. The husband is a gambler and drinker. At least, he doesn’t abuse her but has never contributed a single cent to the household. They have one daughter who is 12 years old this year. She has been the sole breadwinner all along in the house where in-laws are staying together. She has given up hope for the husband long ago but her love for the daughter is like her lifeline. Just mentioning her daughter, she will become teary. With the husband, they have been living in different rooms for long but he wouldn’t agree to divorce, neither does she really care for it by now. As long as it is good for her daughter, it is better than nothing.
Now she was trying to move out from the house because the in-laws are constantly bad-mouthing about Yen to the girl. The daughter, Han, doesn’t talk or show her emotion much, but is close with the grandmother and aunty. So is with Yen. But since Yen was working all the while, it was the in-laws looked after Han most of time. Han used to be very loving and attached to the mother. But Yen herself was too unhappy with her own life that she was drowning every night with one bottle of wine to sleep. Thereby there has been growing distance between mother and daughter, especially since Han had entered puberty. She became quiet, aloof, indifferent toward anyone in the house, whereas she is much vibrant and active in the school according to her teachers. Apparently Han is doing double characters inside and outside of houses. She also loves readings especially Chinese inspirational stories.
Yen came to me today because she wants to know what her changing astrological time in one year will bring it to her. I did her birth charts reading 7-8 years back when she was in the middle of greatest agonizing time period. There was no way she could escape from the sufferings she was going through at the time, except bearing it, like living out the given sentences. To give her hope, however, I told her of better time awaiting and turning fortune if she can persists. Though uneducated, she is kind, sincere and tough with strong will. She listened to the advice and bore the difficult situation well. She also has put on a lot of weights due to drinking. Meanwhile her life did improve financially because of the sibling company she is working for was progressing steadily, thus paying her better salary. She saved enough money to be able to afford a house of her own but she is concerned that her daughter wouldn’t want to follow her out or Han might be lonely if both of them move out. With the eyes and face red with tears, she asked me what she should do.
Handing her over tissues to wipe, I asked her back, “Why do want to move out from house? You think it will make you or Han happier?” She is not sure. “Then, do you know what will make you happy?” She can’t answer either. “Is there anything you want for yourself when astrological time changes for the better?” She doesn’t know what she wants to make her life better.
Then, why do you want to move out when you are not sure of anything? “Because the in-laws are bad-mouthing about me which is no good for Han’s education.” If your mother-in-law says good things about you, will it make you happy? “No, she will never do that.” But it’s you, not her own son, who have been supporting her living all along, why will she treat you badly or bad mouth about you, instead being grateful to you? “Because she has been unhappy and suffering with her own mother-in-law, that is why she does that to me.” Oh, I see, now you know what your mother-in-law is saying is really nothing to do with you, but it’s from her own stresses. And you are trying to move out from the house just because of that. What if you sabotage your financial support to her, then, will she change her attitude towards you?
“No, I don’t want to do that. She is so old already and I don’t want to be so calculative and mean to the poor old lady.” Okay, you know she will not change and you know why she does that to you. You also have no intention to withdraw your support from her. Then will moving out from the house solve anything, especially when she loves her granddaughter and Han is close with her? Do you think Han will be happier by living with you only even if she follows you out from the house?
“…No, she wouldn’t…” Then, do you think you moving out from the house is the answer to your happiness? “….”
You see, you can move the house as many times as you want, but if the owner doesn’t change her mindset, then no matter where she goes, the same old suffering will also follow her. Changing astrological time is also the same. Changing Time reflects shift in our energy and view points, not necessarily means that, your external life presenting you a total make-over in one night. You don’t know what you want from your own life, how then, the planets, even God can give you anything at all to make you happier? Astrology is not about fate but is about destiny. Those who believe in fate, expect everything to drop from the heaven while themselves do nothing. Then, at most they can receive what fate has been allocated to. They are bounded to the changing conditions of internal and external influences, thereby endless sufferings, caused by our insatiable desires for more and better. Destiny is that, you find your own happiness, not by resisting or forcing to change the given conditions, but by attuning yourself to the changing course of nature and time like how all the rain, stream, river water flow down toward the ocean, toward the greater happiness.
You want to be happy when the Time changes. Can you write down 5 things that will make you happy? What are the five things that you want when you astrological time changes for better?
Initially she hesitated but soon she came out with 5 wishes; 1) To earn more money 2) To travel overseas 3) Han getting married to a good man 4) Han becoming a successful career woman 5) Wanting to take care of grandchildren.
Okay, then, how does she expect to earn more money? Is she unhappy working for her sibling’s company? No, she is happy and content. Then, how to earn more money than now if she has no intention to work for another job? If the brothers’ company does better, then, they can pay her more salary…
Oh, I see, out of 5 wishes, 4 wishes are all dependent on others except one. That means, her happiness is dependent upon others. Travelling overseas, she could do it anytime even now because she has enough savings. Yes, she already booked for Taiwan trip with Han.
The other three wishes are all for your daughter. Do you think you have control of whom she will marry and how she will turn out to be in the future? No… If her life doesn’t turn out to be as you wished, then, again, you will be unhappy. Yes… Do you think Han will do better with her study by following you out of the house? No… You think Han will know how to find happiness when you only showed her how unhappy and bitter with your life like right now? No…
You don’t have to wait until the stars to change its course because you can be happy right here and now if you just turn around to see things differently. You love your daughter so much and you will do anything for her. Then, why not you start over by working on yourself to become better looking, healthier like last time I saw. Your daughter will be happier by seeing you looking after yourself, rather than following you out from the house. You pity your poor mother-in-law despite her faults but you know she will not change her attitude towards you. That is very compassionate of you. Then, can you just ignore whatever she says because you know it’s nothing to do with you? That she could do. If you don’t move out now, then, you already have more money to spend with your daughter. You could travel overseas more often and buy her things to make Han happier. No, she doesn’t want to spoil the girl with over indulgence. Okay, then, you can buy her more books she likes to read and keep it also for her college education so that she can have good career. Yes, that will do.
I explained her more of the difference between “fate and destiny.” Fate is something we don’t have control of. Destiny is something we have control of. Outer circumstances, like the looks, family and culture we are born into, are fated. That belongs to the past. But from the moment, you come to contact with astrology, then, it becomes destiny because you have control of your feelings at the present moments, and to chose next action course that which will determine your better or worse future. To know your future, you just need to look around your present. If you showed your daughter mother’s miseries and drunken nights, then, is there any wonder why she is shutting herself off and becoming depressed and overweight these days? Are you not repeating your mother-in-law’s mistake of passing up her frustration to your daughter?
Fate is that, out of our hindsight, people keep repeating the same old patterns of suffering again and again. Destiny is that, out of reflection, you start to choose deliberate action course that will make you grow toward happiness and fulfillment. No one can bring us happiness except ourselves. The same circumstances, the same house and people, you just turn around to see it different only. Then, happiness right there for you to pick up. You certainly need your in-laws’ help so that you can have your working life and independence from your irresponsible husband. Your in-laws also need you as the breadwinner while your daughter is well taken care of by them. You just need to find something else that will make you happier like picking up some hobbies rather than drinking. She is good at hand craft. Okay, then, take some courses to learn cooking, tailoring, or knitting, etc. Spend some money and time together with Han rather than keep it all for saving for a house that can’t really guarantee better happiness.
That is destiny. We have the choice to make our destiny based on our decision today. If we chose the action course that will make us feel better and proud of ourselves, today, then, our tomorrow sure will be brighter. But if we choose to drift away with whatever comes along mindlessly, irresponsibly, then, we bound to repeat the same mistake, to the same fate, again and again while wondering why life is still so full of suffering despite your hard work. They often blame fate, parents, spouse, children, education, culture, society, etc, for their misery while real problem lies in our ignorance to look around ourselves.
When we awaken to life, you suddenly realize that, you have all the things, people, jobs, etc, the right and perfect conditions for your best evolution and happiness. You can see with your own eyes that how you have been the very cause of your own misery and unhappiness. The past is past that which brought you here to the present moment. Whatever seems imperfect at the moment, you don’t repeat or feel remorseful but adjust the course so that it can bring you different destination. Why are we keep repeating yesterday’s thoughts and behaviors again and again today, while wondering better future never seem to be in the horizon? No one asked us to walk on the same foot- steps with our troubled past but we constantly duplicate what we have been exposed to, especially from the parents’ and cultural conditionings. It takes mindfulness and repentance to bypass our humpy bumpy road blocks that are marked with many wrong sign posts. That is true humanity, accepting our shortcomings at the same time resolving to improve.
Though uneducated, Yen is wise and humble. She has the disciplined mindset as well. She understood very well of my points. Initially came in with nervousness, she left with brighter face, more clear and confident with what she should do. Thankfully, daughter’s changing astrological time also shows their better happiness in the horizon. I hope for the best and fine future for Yen and the daughter. If you are a parent, and you don’t want your children to be like you, what will be the solution? Yes, you are right, you have to know how to do straight walk, not sidewalk…they always copy what they see, not what you say…
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Water Color Paintings in My Heart
When I was small, one of the things I liked to do was drawing. But then, my mother didn’t approve of my endless scribbling as she thought I was wasting precious papers. So instead I started to draw imaginary water color paintings in my heart with the clouds in the sky. I loved to dream and describe my feelings in writing in the secret diaries only to tear away soon after I’ve outgrown the intensity of each emotion. And yet, I still managed to keep some of my buried artistic abilities because I often hear that I am a good story writer. Am I?? Maybe yes, maybe not. What I think I am really good at it is drawing water color like paintings with our common human emotion in the heart so that we can see the beauties from our seemingly insignificant or ordinary every day ins and outs. Life seems so colorless and flat without adding some flavors with our imaginative creativity.
I just came back from the 3-days of meditation retreat lead by Bhante Kovida, the monk whom I’ve met years ago. He is a Canadian-Jamaican monk in Theravada tradition who loves to travel around the world especially the South East regions of tropical countries. I met him when I was going through one of the most difficult time period. Inspired by the meeting with him that happened in a totally unexpected way, I learned much and came to term with many issues in life that were uncertain and unresolved previously. When I got to know of him back and were to lead the retreat, I immediately signed up for it and off I went.
Was it he or me? I am not sure. But certainly we both have changed much since. He had become like a laughing Buddha constantly laughing and giggling energetically while leading the retreat. I have become much more receptive and empty-minded that I could flow together with focused relaxation, quiet eagerness and great enjoyment during the entire retreat. I could experience timelessness, spaciousness and complete present awareness. More than anything, I could see my thoughts and able to step aside from it, thereby experiencing blissful ‘sati’ ‘awareness of present moment’ and how to attain or live the freedom that I sought for so long. Then it dawned on me that the Yoga meditation teacher training course I took almost 20 years ago was just like this.
At that time, I was young, ignorant and going through much pains in life; thereby I wasn’t able to enjoy as much, though I did become better by the end of the course. This time, I was much different and I gained a lot more in just 3 days than last one that lasted for 6 months. But the patterns and conditions were so similar. Another striking realization was, in both cases, astrologically, it’s the Jupiter’s time I was going through, the planet responsible for my aptitude with teaching and learning spiritual lessons. How interesting, I thought.
He was often using stories to illustrate his points during the talks. One of the stories was about a tailor who kept dream of finding a bag of gold buried under a water fountain in a far away land from his home.
“After dreaming the same dream for many nights, he thought it must be true. So he set upon his travel miles away from where he was staying. After arriving in the town, he waited until everyone fall asleep in a full moon day just like the dream and started digging the largest water fountain with a shovel. After much digging, there was no gold to be found. So he dug some more fountains that were nearby, one by one. But there were no gold even after digging all the fountains in the beautiful garden of the town. After digging for whole night but still no signs of any gold, he was exhausted at the same time angry to himself to have come all the way just because of the stupid dream. Regretting and startled to realize what he has done to the beautiful gardens, he started run away before anyone wakes up to learn of his vandalism. Upon his way, he came across a mosque of which door was open as though welcoming him in. He let himself in and fell fast asleep in the prayer hall as he was so tired from the all night’s labor. While he was sleeping, a thief happened to come in and soon got chased by people and police. The tailor heard the all the noises and commotion but he couldn’t make himself get up as he was too exhausted. Not before long, the chief police officer seeing the sleeping tailor covered with dust and rag, thought he was also with the thief and about to arrest him together with the thief. In his shock after realizing what’s about to happen to himself, he still managed to beg for his innocence while relating his unbelievable stupid dream story to the chief officer. Seeing his dirty and sorry state, the chief felt a streak of compassion in his heart. So he told the tailor to go back and concentrate on his tailoring instead of committing such stupidity again to believe a mere dream, just like how he does. The chief told him that he also dreamt of a tailor who found gold in his own backyard but never believed such silly dream. Just be thankful of his safety and own life, the tailor rushed back to his hometown. In and out resuming his regular business again, he completely forgot about the chief officer’s dream for many days until one night he saw the full moon in the sky. Suddenly remembering the chief officer’s dream, he started to dig his own backyard surely to find a bag of gold buried under!!”
So the moral of story is you don’t have to travel far to find gold because it’s in our backyard, the monk and other retreat participants who enjoyed listening the story concluded.
I added to him, “but he still had to travel to find that out! He still had to go through the process!” “Yes, you are right, he had to travel!!”
That was the point. We still have to travel. We still have to go through the process even if we know the truth. After living this long, searching for Truth to understand life better, now I realize that we all already knew the truth deep in our heart; how to live the most out of our given life for maximum happiness and fulfillment. But we all have to go through the process, travel the journey so that we can appreciate what we already have in our home. People often strive far and wide in the pursuit of grander purpose and meanings of life. However we always have to come back right where we have started. The universal truth, whatever born will surely die one day, we come with empty hand and leave with empty hand…yes, they are all very true. But what is living? Not to become this and that, or, not to have this and that, but just to experience fullness and contentment in every step of our lives. So that we don’t leave with any regrets of not having started the journey out of fear or laziness or ignorance.
What are you looking for in life? What do you want from your life and how far are you willing to travel for that? Or you think you already have it or are already it? Fear of unknown, uncertainty and change…they always occupy the top list of our shortcomings in walking the journey of life. If I have known that it will take this long to realize the same truth I’ve learned twenty years ago, would I have started the journey in the first place? Yes I would. Again and again I would. Because in the process I have learned much and have become much more than before I started the journey. Most of all, I wouldn’t be here and now, sharing my passions and stories of life with you. And yet, nothing in me externally or internally has changed much. I am still the very same person who used to dream a lot and draw water color paintings in the heart out of my imaginations or stories I’ve heard. But then, one thing for sure, I have become much more patient, loving and compassionate than before. Of course, wiser as well. There is much more space and timelessness in me to hold more love, humanity, patience and wisdom. I also like myself much better than before because, now, there is a smile at the corner of my mouth of which I used to not have. I feel ever grateful with the life journey I am walking on because it presents me with endless lessons to enrich my life, your life and our lives. What else in life is there? Is there?
I just came back from the 3-days of meditation retreat lead by Bhante Kovida, the monk whom I’ve met years ago. He is a Canadian-Jamaican monk in Theravada tradition who loves to travel around the world especially the South East regions of tropical countries. I met him when I was going through one of the most difficult time period. Inspired by the meeting with him that happened in a totally unexpected way, I learned much and came to term with many issues in life that were uncertain and unresolved previously. When I got to know of him back and were to lead the retreat, I immediately signed up for it and off I went.
Was it he or me? I am not sure. But certainly we both have changed much since. He had become like a laughing Buddha constantly laughing and giggling energetically while leading the retreat. I have become much more receptive and empty-minded that I could flow together with focused relaxation, quiet eagerness and great enjoyment during the entire retreat. I could experience timelessness, spaciousness and complete present awareness. More than anything, I could see my thoughts and able to step aside from it, thereby experiencing blissful ‘sati’ ‘awareness of present moment’ and how to attain or live the freedom that I sought for so long. Then it dawned on me that the Yoga meditation teacher training course I took almost 20 years ago was just like this.
At that time, I was young, ignorant and going through much pains in life; thereby I wasn’t able to enjoy as much, though I did become better by the end of the course. This time, I was much different and I gained a lot more in just 3 days than last one that lasted for 6 months. But the patterns and conditions were so similar. Another striking realization was, in both cases, astrologically, it’s the Jupiter’s time I was going through, the planet responsible for my aptitude with teaching and learning spiritual lessons. How interesting, I thought.
He was often using stories to illustrate his points during the talks. One of the stories was about a tailor who kept dream of finding a bag of gold buried under a water fountain in a far away land from his home.
“After dreaming the same dream for many nights, he thought it must be true. So he set upon his travel miles away from where he was staying. After arriving in the town, he waited until everyone fall asleep in a full moon day just like the dream and started digging the largest water fountain with a shovel. After much digging, there was no gold to be found. So he dug some more fountains that were nearby, one by one. But there were no gold even after digging all the fountains in the beautiful garden of the town. After digging for whole night but still no signs of any gold, he was exhausted at the same time angry to himself to have come all the way just because of the stupid dream. Regretting and startled to realize what he has done to the beautiful gardens, he started run away before anyone wakes up to learn of his vandalism. Upon his way, he came across a mosque of which door was open as though welcoming him in. He let himself in and fell fast asleep in the prayer hall as he was so tired from the all night’s labor. While he was sleeping, a thief happened to come in and soon got chased by people and police. The tailor heard the all the noises and commotion but he couldn’t make himself get up as he was too exhausted. Not before long, the chief police officer seeing the sleeping tailor covered with dust and rag, thought he was also with the thief and about to arrest him together with the thief. In his shock after realizing what’s about to happen to himself, he still managed to beg for his innocence while relating his unbelievable stupid dream story to the chief officer. Seeing his dirty and sorry state, the chief felt a streak of compassion in his heart. So he told the tailor to go back and concentrate on his tailoring instead of committing such stupidity again to believe a mere dream, just like how he does. The chief told him that he also dreamt of a tailor who found gold in his own backyard but never believed such silly dream. Just be thankful of his safety and own life, the tailor rushed back to his hometown. In and out resuming his regular business again, he completely forgot about the chief officer’s dream for many days until one night he saw the full moon in the sky. Suddenly remembering the chief officer’s dream, he started to dig his own backyard surely to find a bag of gold buried under!!”
So the moral of story is you don’t have to travel far to find gold because it’s in our backyard, the monk and other retreat participants who enjoyed listening the story concluded.
I added to him, “but he still had to travel to find that out! He still had to go through the process!” “Yes, you are right, he had to travel!!”
That was the point. We still have to travel. We still have to go through the process even if we know the truth. After living this long, searching for Truth to understand life better, now I realize that we all already knew the truth deep in our heart; how to live the most out of our given life for maximum happiness and fulfillment. But we all have to go through the process, travel the journey so that we can appreciate what we already have in our home. People often strive far and wide in the pursuit of grander purpose and meanings of life. However we always have to come back right where we have started. The universal truth, whatever born will surely die one day, we come with empty hand and leave with empty hand…yes, they are all very true. But what is living? Not to become this and that, or, not to have this and that, but just to experience fullness and contentment in every step of our lives. So that we don’t leave with any regrets of not having started the journey out of fear or laziness or ignorance.
What are you looking for in life? What do you want from your life and how far are you willing to travel for that? Or you think you already have it or are already it? Fear of unknown, uncertainty and change…they always occupy the top list of our shortcomings in walking the journey of life. If I have known that it will take this long to realize the same truth I’ve learned twenty years ago, would I have started the journey in the first place? Yes I would. Again and again I would. Because in the process I have learned much and have become much more than before I started the journey. Most of all, I wouldn’t be here and now, sharing my passions and stories of life with you. And yet, nothing in me externally or internally has changed much. I am still the very same person who used to dream a lot and draw water color paintings in the heart out of my imaginations or stories I’ve heard. But then, one thing for sure, I have become much more patient, loving and compassionate than before. Of course, wiser as well. There is much more space and timelessness in me to hold more love, humanity, patience and wisdom. I also like myself much better than before because, now, there is a smile at the corner of my mouth of which I used to not have. I feel ever grateful with the life journey I am walking on because it presents me with endless lessons to enrich my life, your life and our lives. What else in life is there? Is there?
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Greetings!
Dear Friends,
Greetings!
It seems time travels faster in Malaysia due to its same weather all year round. As though it feels like yesteryear that we celebrated together the dawning of new century, but already one decade has come and gone with another New Year is looming just around the corner. It is again one of those times for reflection and recollection.
There are still much unchecked to-do lists left in my in-box. How about yours? Have you succeed ticking them all off? If yes, I salute for your efficiency and productivity. If no, well, then you are not alone. However I refuse to lament about what I could have done, instead, I focus on how I could do better in coming years. The insatiable Ms. Perfect nagging inside but I've learnt to go past its noises over the years. That has brought me much reconciliation in life and now, I can stay more at ease, be more grateful just by being. There is increased sense of peace as I watch life flows in its own accordance instead of wishing or forcing it to be otherwise. I guess that is one of the most significant attributions I have gained from the life in Malaysia, in where peace and harmony amongst racial, religious diversities are the foremost important value.
Thereby, I suggest to you, in around this time of the year, to ask ourselves how much perspective we have gained, how much progress we have made this year; rather than measuring with the standard yardsticks of right and wrong or evaluating our success and failure by the definition of others. Then we can be more accepting of the past and the present as well as be more open for new challenges in the future. Life becomes sheer joyful experiences when we continue to grow and expand. But from the moment we stop growing, then, we have only one way to go, to spiral down. When we cling onto the comfort zone, no sooner than later we feel secure, we start to experience the downside of life, death, and there is no greater tragedy than living a dead.
Are you alive? Do you look forward to wake up in the morning? I think the answer this question holds much of whether or not our life is on the right track. If you are not sure, then, it’s not too late to wake up early starting from today, from this year. That is the beauty of the New Year. It always marks something to chew on in our otherwise the groundhog days like daily life. The same old stuffs, the same old me and you, the same old days in and out…it’s so easy to just sit there and watch time slipping through fingers.
Come and join me this New Year in our Yoga Walking Club (please refer the article attached to, and the announcement) if you wish to turn around the course of your life. I like to share with you this simple, but magnificent gift of life that has truly transformational power, the Yoga Walks.
In my troubled time of youth, I used to walk up to mountains over the weekends for almost three years. I was at one of those lowest points in my life slapped with much unexpected obstacles and challenges. Roaming and climbing around the rocky and high places, I found courage, strength, clarity and confidence to leap toward the unknown about which I shared with you through my stories posted in the blog earlier.
Another time I started the Walking again was, when I first landed in Malaysia years back. Initially I felt so lost and depressed without knowing where to turn. I still remember crying wildly when I captured the bright morning sunlight through my apartment window one day. I walked around the apartment blocks from the day on, thereby gradually pulling myself out of the dark tunnel I thought I was in. That was how I walked to reach towards yours as is today.
I have started walking again early in the morning since beginning of this year. This time, not because I felt lost, but because, just to be more awake so that I could experience life more fully in the present moments. It has deepened much insight thus, and most importantly, I have realized the distance between you and I, through our lack of capacity to communicate, accept and love ourselves and others unconditionally. I think I now know how to erase the invisible walls, shorten the distance in life, in between you and I; by walking one step at a time slowly and steadily. I, like many others, thought running will get us faster to our destination. I was wrong. Not only I suffered much humdrum by straining but also missed to enjoy much of the beautiful scenery, abundant with fresh air and cooling morning dews, sweet flowers and trees, birds chirping… Yes, life is indeed beautiful if we know how just to be.
This New Year, I would like to invite you to discover the simple but wonderful way to enrich our lives, to learn the art of how to walk and join me to walk together after that if you wish to. Or else, you can just walk whenever you want, wherever you are.
Besides commencing the Yoga Walking Club, I am also adding more variation, vitality to the contents of regular G1, G2 yoga classes, so that we can have more joy and aliveness through our Yoga practices. Morning Yoga classes will be resumed as well.
There is also Kids Yoga, Yoga Rejuvenation & Relaxation, and the Wellness program (a health treatment program combining the traditional Chinese Medicine with Yoga Therapy). All these are to enhance your well-being, to help you embrace wider spectrum of yoga practices so that we could grow together into the multi-beings of the body, the mind and the spirit as we are.
Please click to the Yoga Class Time-Table 2010 for more details.
I wish you and your family a Happy New Year, abundant joy and happiness, health and prosperity, and most importantly love and harmony. Thank you for all your support thus far and look forward to sharing more excitement, experiences and laughter in the years to come.
Yours truly,
Beth.
Greetings!
It seems time travels faster in Malaysia due to its same weather all year round. As though it feels like yesteryear that we celebrated together the dawning of new century, but already one decade has come and gone with another New Year is looming just around the corner. It is again one of those times for reflection and recollection.
There are still much unchecked to-do lists left in my in-box. How about yours? Have you succeed ticking them all off? If yes, I salute for your efficiency and productivity. If no, well, then you are not alone. However I refuse to lament about what I could have done, instead, I focus on how I could do better in coming years. The insatiable Ms. Perfect nagging inside but I've learnt to go past its noises over the years. That has brought me much reconciliation in life and now, I can stay more at ease, be more grateful just by being. There is increased sense of peace as I watch life flows in its own accordance instead of wishing or forcing it to be otherwise. I guess that is one of the most significant attributions I have gained from the life in Malaysia, in where peace and harmony amongst racial, religious diversities are the foremost important value.
Thereby, I suggest to you, in around this time of the year, to ask ourselves how much perspective we have gained, how much progress we have made this year; rather than measuring with the standard yardsticks of right and wrong or evaluating our success and failure by the definition of others. Then we can be more accepting of the past and the present as well as be more open for new challenges in the future. Life becomes sheer joyful experiences when we continue to grow and expand. But from the moment we stop growing, then, we have only one way to go, to spiral down. When we cling onto the comfort zone, no sooner than later we feel secure, we start to experience the downside of life, death, and there is no greater tragedy than living a dead.
Are you alive? Do you look forward to wake up in the morning? I think the answer this question holds much of whether or not our life is on the right track. If you are not sure, then, it’s not too late to wake up early starting from today, from this year. That is the beauty of the New Year. It always marks something to chew on in our otherwise the groundhog days like daily life. The same old stuffs, the same old me and you, the same old days in and out…it’s so easy to just sit there and watch time slipping through fingers.
Come and join me this New Year in our Yoga Walking Club (please refer the article attached to, and the announcement) if you wish to turn around the course of your life. I like to share with you this simple, but magnificent gift of life that has truly transformational power, the Yoga Walks.
In my troubled time of youth, I used to walk up to mountains over the weekends for almost three years. I was at one of those lowest points in my life slapped with much unexpected obstacles and challenges. Roaming and climbing around the rocky and high places, I found courage, strength, clarity and confidence to leap toward the unknown about which I shared with you through my stories posted in the blog earlier.
Another time I started the Walking again was, when I first landed in Malaysia years back. Initially I felt so lost and depressed without knowing where to turn. I still remember crying wildly when I captured the bright morning sunlight through my apartment window one day. I walked around the apartment blocks from the day on, thereby gradually pulling myself out of the dark tunnel I thought I was in. That was how I walked to reach towards yours as is today.
I have started walking again early in the morning since beginning of this year. This time, not because I felt lost, but because, just to be more awake so that I could experience life more fully in the present moments. It has deepened much insight thus, and most importantly, I have realized the distance between you and I, through our lack of capacity to communicate, accept and love ourselves and others unconditionally. I think I now know how to erase the invisible walls, shorten the distance in life, in between you and I; by walking one step at a time slowly and steadily. I, like many others, thought running will get us faster to our destination. I was wrong. Not only I suffered much humdrum by straining but also missed to enjoy much of the beautiful scenery, abundant with fresh air and cooling morning dews, sweet flowers and trees, birds chirping… Yes, life is indeed beautiful if we know how just to be.
This New Year, I would like to invite you to discover the simple but wonderful way to enrich our lives, to learn the art of how to walk and join me to walk together after that if you wish to. Or else, you can just walk whenever you want, wherever you are.
Besides commencing the Yoga Walking Club, I am also adding more variation, vitality to the contents of regular G1, G2 yoga classes, so that we can have more joy and aliveness through our Yoga practices. Morning Yoga classes will be resumed as well.
There is also Kids Yoga, Yoga Rejuvenation & Relaxation, and the Wellness program (a health treatment program combining the traditional Chinese Medicine with Yoga Therapy). All these are to enhance your well-being, to help you embrace wider spectrum of yoga practices so that we could grow together into the multi-beings of the body, the mind and the spirit as we are.
Please click to the Yoga Class Time-Table 2010 for more details.
I wish you and your family a Happy New Year, abundant joy and happiness, health and prosperity, and most importantly love and harmony. Thank you for all your support thus far and look forward to sharing more excitement, experiences and laughter in the years to come.
Yours truly,
Beth.
A Walk to Remember……by Beth Lim, founder Beth’s Yoga
I fell in love with Putra Heights when I first saw its surroundings with abundant green, vastly open and clear sky, cooling breeze and fresh air. It was a very rare sight to come by for housing in the crowded city like KL or Subang Jaya. The floor plan for the Laman Putra was even more attractive with the beautiful garden, long jogging track, gazebos and the fully guarded fences. So we immediately booked for a house with a shop lot for the new location of Beth’s Yoga.
It has been 2 years since we moved in, and the living experiences have been truly peaceful and enjoyable so far, especially taking slow walks in pre-dawn early morning along the well carved jogging path is one of my favorite activities of the day. The entire neighborhood is still in deep sleep; crickets and frogs are still cricking, croaking away. It is an enlivening and luxurious experience to be able to enjoy a slow stroll alone in nature without having to worry about safety. As I walked around the protected and conducive environment, I feel tall, as if reaching toward the heaven above while staying firmly connected with the earth below. How precious and soothing is each moment are beyond words.
Lately, I started to notice an increasing number of residents that appeared outdoor out in the compound for various recreational activities. The numbers of morning joggers or walking folks have also been steadily increased too. I am happy because it shows that people are more health-conscious but more importantly, there’s a growing sense of community. This sense of supportive neighborhood is an integral part of well-being. But then, being a kepoh (Hokkien for busy-body I learnt) yoga teacher myself, I can’t help but to notice the poor postures and inefficient ways of walking, jogging or trying to exercise, especially among the men and the senior citizens. Chests are collapsed with hunched backs, hips and knees are wobbling or swaying out of shape with feet keep turning outward and arms dangling aimlessly at the side. Breathing becomes inconsistent because many are chatting away while walking.
This kind of walk is ineffective way to exercise efficiently, more like trying to dig a well with a teaspoon. The proper way of walking for better health and posture, even if done 30 minutes at a time, is to walk slowly and steadily with a straight spine while maintaining natural alignment of shoulders, hips, knees and feet. Arms should be gently swinging front and back, pressing heels to toes in each step, and most importantly, being mindful of natural breath that flows evenly. By walking this way, it not only speeds up your good health, produces ideal posture, firm up the body but also to help you to lose weight naturally, all without trying too hard with vigorous exercise regimen. I call this the Yoga Walk, very similar to the Tiger Walk that has been used for martial arts training found in Chinese culture.
Do you want to learn more about how to walk more efficiently to improve your health and posture? Please come for a walk to remember, to reconnect with your body, mind and spirit. This free workshop on Yoga Walk will be held on 17th January (Sunday) 2010, 11am at the Beth’s Yoga Center. Anyone who can walk are welcome, especially the stressful career men and women, busy homemakers who don’t have enough time to exercise and senior citizens who want to rejuvenate their health.
It will be my pleasure to share this gift freely to you, all for better health and a livelier community spirit. So see you all there!
Beth’s Yoga
From Body to Somebody
| Announcement: 1. A Free-Workshop on Yoga Walk for Better Health and Posture. 17th January (Sunday) 11am—1pm. 2. Kids Yoga for Fun and Play (intake starts from 23th January 2010) 3. Morning Yoga classes/Yoga rejuvenation and relaxation class (intake start from 7th January 2010). |
For more detailed Yoga class times,
visit www.bethsyoga.com.my or call Beth 012.274.2012.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Story 22. Love that is infinite
I was reviewing my son’s study the other night. He learned about the ‘infinite’ number (∞) during his math class. He was fascinated by its concept of infinity and incessantly babbled about it. On the other hand, I, a lover of abstract philosophy, felt intrigued to hear the word ‘infinity’ from my 13-year-old who is yet to comprehend our human life and death itself. So I asked him,
“Do you know the meaning of infinity?” “Yes.” “Explain it to me.”
“Do you want a scientific or unscientific answer?” “Both.”
“The first answer, the earth spins in infinity. The second, mother’s love is infinite!”
“Hah hah hah…you think so?” “Yes, I am sure!”
That made my day. Dictionary defines the meaning of ‘infinity’ as something that has no ending, limitless, boundless…etc. He thinks my love towards him represent the best of it all. How sweet he is, how much he has grown from that little bundle wrapped in a blanket, often crying all nights long for no apparent reason. Since then, as though I had fast forwarded time, he now can say pleasing things like this, which I knew he really meant it. Like any other mother who can’t help but to be lopsided and blind when it comes to her offspring, I, too, felt proud to hear such appreciation from him, despite I am not exactly the most affectionate nor patient type of mother (I am nagging and strict. He is afraid of me more than his father).
The word love always stirs up diversity of our human emotion as it is the most natural and instinctive desires for not only human but all living species. It is well known factors that the babies or lab mice boost up in their growth rate when they were regularly held and stroked by the caretakers compared to those weren’t. I don’t have much memories of my childhood because my parents were not the most affectionate types. But I had loving relatives and mother’s friends in her hometown. What I still remember distinctively are all those moments that I was praised and loved by them whenever we visited there, even as early as three to four years old. Like my parents, though, I believe in tough love than rosy sweet chocolate flavor ones. When it comes to love, my values are rather old fashioned and conservative like Confucius’. But I learned how to be sweet as well as to be strict about which my son knows the best.
When I first went to the US for study, “I love you” was the most common but uncomfortable expression for me to adapt. Teachers, friends, landlords…they often tagged those words at the end of our conversation even if we weren’t as close as family or lovers. Whenever I heard those words, I didn’t know how to respond except blurring out. I’ve gotten better with time but still I couldn’t use it so casually because I could not mean it. For me, love is something very intimate and delicate feeling that can be felt only when our hearts are open and truly connected. I honestly couldn’t feel that kind of love with outsiders, not even with myself. In those days I was pretty uptight and armored, to wear suits and heels to class when other course mates came in with T-shirts and slippers. My hubby had a hard time opening my heart when we first met. It is not that I had a heart cold like ice but too soft that I got hurt easily many times before. So I closed it off as a way to protect myself.
In my youth, like everyone else, I spent fairly confused years to find the kinds of love from fairy tales or movies alike. I still remember the Brook Shield’s movie Endless Love, a teen love story in which the beauty and eyebrows of Shield’s were something of legendry. I’ve forgotten the story line but do remember its aching feeling after the movie that lingered in my heart for quite some time. I was in my late teen, an ordinary and shy girl with nothing much to shout about to attract any kinds of attention. Somehow the movie awakened in me, for the first time, the desire to love and to be loved. Maybe it was around that time I started to get acutely aware of the world around me as well. Before then, I lived in my own dream land alone and aloof.
My first love was the class monitor in my third year of high school. Smart, tall and athletic with a strong leadership, she was the teachers’ pet. I was mediocre, short and clumsy with unimpressive timidity. She was everything that I was not. Teachers or friends alike, they hardly noticed that I even existed. She looked so afar from me when jumping and shooting balls during school basket ball games (I was a bench sitter). I secretly marked her in my heart. I felt every symptom of lovesick. She made my heart race and pound whenever I think or get the glimpses of her. I felt miserable when I couldn’t see her during long school holidays. One day I wrote her letters to express my intense feelings, a bold move for an assuming girl that I was at the time. She never wrote me back. But she did give me some attentions after that, like occasionally helping me with my study or sitting next to me in the canteen. I was happy as long as it lasted though it was just for few months as we were in the final year of high school. Soon we went about our separate ways with graduation and so did my feeling of which I thought was love then. In retrospect, it was more of admiration, than love, toward someone who was so much different than I at the time. Yet vulnerable feelings toward someone somehow triggered unconscious parts hidden in me. I suddenly became aware of my existence, desires and tendencies. I was much more tough and independent than I thought with a keen inclination toward learning and knowledge. She got married almost right after high school, settling as a mother and housewife early. I moved onto having more explorations and adventures for love and life.
My first love was the class monitor in my third year of high school. Smart, tall and athletic with a strong leadership, she was the teachers’ pet. I was mediocre, short and clumsy with unimpressive timidity. She was everything that I was not. Teachers or friends alike, they hardly noticed that I even existed. She looked so afar from me when jumping and shooting balls during school basket ball games (I was a bench sitter). I secretly marked her in my heart. I felt every symptom of lovesick. She made my heart race and pound whenever I think or get the glimpses of her. I felt miserable when I couldn’t see her during long school holidays. One day I wrote her letters to express my intense feelings, a bold move for an assuming girl that I was at the time. She never wrote me back. But she did give me some attentions after that, like occasionally helping me with my study or sitting next to me in the canteen. I was happy as long as it lasted though it was just for few months as we were in the final year of high school. Soon we went about our separate ways with graduation and so did my feeling of which I thought was love then. In retrospect, it was more of admiration, than love, toward someone who was so much different than I at the time. Yet vulnerable feelings toward someone somehow triggered unconscious parts hidden in me. I suddenly became aware of my existence, desires and tendencies. I was much more tough and independent than I thought with a keen inclination toward learning and knowledge. She got married almost right after high school, settling as a mother and housewife early. I moved onto having more explorations and adventures for love and life.
I had few more heartaches since then, in search of the endless love kinds, but always falling for off-targets that were either not possible or unavailable. I felt burdened by the intense longing in my heart, strong desire for something subtle, ulterior than ordinary, mundane. I searched for lofty love, beautiful but mysterious, platonic than erotic. I couldn’t find one. Few years ding ding dong dong… I was the last single left among friends, colleagues and sisters. Feeling miserable and lonely, I wandered around in mountains and bookstores. Well, one day I woke up. I was looking for someone like a god not a man, but I rather not settle than compromising. I resolved myself for singlehood and to focus on spiritual paths instead because, in there, they say I could find divine love that is so perfect that doesn’t make my heart ever painful, anxious or sad. It would put my heart at ease, peaceful and blissful like sweet honey dew. I decided to find that love.
I have met many fellow seekers, teachers, seeing much, learning much from them. They unanimously described about the omnipresent, divine love that which is not depended upon who we are, what I am, where we are, but which is safe, unconditional, eternal, universal and infinite regardless of race, gender, wealth, time or space. And yet, I couldn’t find anyone who actually seemed to have it. As I get to know them closely, I soon realized that they all still suffered the same human flaws and emotional wrecks as I was. How do I find, experience the divine love that is boundless and everlasting? Do I have to go through the kinds of severe Tapas like fasting or not sleeping for days and nights, pilgrimage to temples and mountains in bare foot and rags, or walk through fire and cross stormy deserts? I didn’t think so. I didn’t have such a great zeal and feat. So I gave up on love. I thought I could live without it as I was more of a stoic person then.
But love found me when I least expected, not in the flesh or dramatic way I had imagined but in the most unrecognizable way like how water soaks paper. When I met my then husband-to-be, he was no rich prince charming in white horse but with a weird beard and cheeky grin like a big teddy bear. But he was kind, caring and knowledgeable. More than anything, he understood me well when I talk about divine love in my broken English. Yet I didn’t know he would be my mate because he neither made my heart beat faster or anxious. But I felt safe and joyous when I was with him. He didn’t challenge me with feelings but brought to my attention about the obnoxious mental rigidity that was the very cause of my misery. He made me aware of my own folly by simply reflecting back my own shadows of perfectionism. For the first time in my life, I understood how it feels to be loved by a man who shares the same pulsation toward life. I wasn’t sure, though, whether that was the kind of love I was looking for. I hesitated for a while because my head said different things than my heart. I decided to follow my heart by accepting his hands despite the contradictions that my intellect was bickering about. I made a right choice on that.
But love found me when I least expected, not in the flesh or dramatic way I had imagined but in the most unrecognizable way like how water soaks paper. When I met my then husband-to-be, he was no rich prince charming in white horse but with a weird beard and cheeky grin like a big teddy bear. But he was kind, caring and knowledgeable. More than anything, he understood me well when I talk about divine love in my broken English. Yet I didn’t know he would be my mate because he neither made my heart beat faster or anxious. But I felt safe and joyous when I was with him. He didn’t challenge me with feelings but brought to my attention about the obnoxious mental rigidity that was the very cause of my misery. He made me aware of my own folly by simply reflecting back my own shadows of perfectionism. For the first time in my life, I understood how it feels to be loved by a man who shares the same pulsation toward life. I wasn’t sure, though, whether that was the kind of love I was looking for. I hesitated for a while because my head said different things than my heart. I decided to follow my heart by accepting his hands despite the contradictions that my intellect was bickering about. I made a right choice on that.
However it was much, much later that I gradually came to understand what infinite divine love is, how to find and how it is coming from. No, it didn’t come from him, nor descend directly from heaven but through the very life I was living here and now, through the very people I love and interact every day. Most significantly when I started to accept, love myself and life as it is, only then could I really understand how love that which is our inborn nature can resonate from the bottom of my heart. Since then almost twenty years… I now can feel genuine love and affection toward others, especially when our eyes come across to meet, but I still can’t verbalize love that easily. Because love that is infinite is beyond what we can describe with words; it can only be lived. It takes time and self disciplines if we were to live and breathe love. Many were asking me why I have not written any stories since last posting months ago. I needed silence because suddenly there were flood of realization, of love and of life that I needed to contain the intense feelings before I could say anything at all. In all of our lives, how much the desire for love is at the heart of everything we do, everything we live for; and yet how further people have gotten away from it? I felt tremendous pain when I saw that. All our efforts in lives are nothing but paramount search for love that is infinite that can only be found from the sacred heart within. We need to turn around inside ourselves. The sacredness of love, the true reflection of our pure self has been spoilt and corrupted much as eroticism or narcissism only. How unfortunate…! In upcoming stories, I would like to share those infinite love stories in a hope to enrich your lives with happiness and freedom with the endless love that is within our reach all along…
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