I am not the most sociable person in the world, and yet, every time around the festival seasons, I get to receive much greetings and well wishes via SMS. Then, I have difficulty replying them, not because I am a proud person, but because my replies for each well-wishers and friends are rather lengthy and daunting to fit into the small mobile message box. So I keep quiet…Yes, one thing I am very good at it, is staying alone and keeping quiet. And I rarely gave thoughts beyond that “silence is gold.”
However, I paid a heavy price for that this year. It seems, suddenly I’ve woken up, particularly because I got to have plenty of “quiet” time last year (2008) since shifting the yoga center to Putra Height. It’s an area that is close to the sky with lots of fresh air and green, but less people yet to be buzzing and user-friendly for a township. It presented me the chance to reflect, to realize that, as much as we need peace in life we also need certain amount of chaos if we were to live a truly balanced life. Then, I lacked that balance; I’ve been living too reclusive for people to come closer. Is it any wonder that I sometimes receive the wrong (?) label of being unfriendly person, especially by my hubby?
Over the years, I have been so used to with “inner and outer silence” that in some days I can count the words I had uttered with my ten fingers. What I didn’t realize is that, what I am comfortable to live with has been creating much room for distance, misunderstanding, wrong impression and assumption, and cold walls between the very people I wanted to be close with; they meant caring, kind, loving and supportive but I was pushing them away with my “silence” as it often appears to be “coldness” with the peculiar energy I surrounded myself. I didn’t realize that I look like a “cold blooded (?)” woman from the somewhat distant expression I usually wear in the face. Well, no wonder I don’t have much friends…
The year 2008 has been particularly constraining and difficult year not only for me, but for many due to the unstable economical, social and political upheavals throughout. And yet, it is through adversities and challenges that our human souls find the energy and will power to overcome, thereby growing and evolving to our full potentials as we are supposed to. I have learned much this year, to the fact I woke up to the callings of life—we all are meant to live in togetherness, not in isolation. Therefore my top most important resolutions for the New Year should be, to break my tendency to keep quiet; instead be more involved, pro active and expressive. So that I can learn people’s ways of living instead of one way that I am familiar with if I were to be a more wholesome and rounded person.
In ushering into another New Year, somehow, I have seldom felt this happy and hopeful despite some otherwise prediction by media and so called experts. I sense more liveliness, willingness, patience, humility and openness in me and people. I sense more stability, co-operation, lightness, joy and cheerfulness in the air. Most of all, I sense a gaiety, a carefree bright colored spiritual beauty around us; to uplift our dampened spirit caused by all the ugly things, man-made or natural disasters, happened last year threatening our insecurity and survival instincts.
I look forward to a brighter and better year for all of us, as we have accumulated better strength and resilience through one of the most difficult time in the history. Many thanks and gratitude to all those who have stood by me rending your selfless love and supports! May you all be well and happy! May all your wishes, dreams and longings, and hope, come to fruition this year! May we together aim to reach far and wide to enjoy more abundance, joy, happiness and freedom!
P.S: I ask for forgiveness to those who have not received my SMS reply. See so long of what I want to say, how to fit into the small screen?
