One evening when I was teaching in the class, a tall and fit looking senior woman in her mid fifty, with somewhat forceful voice tone, insisted that I have to see her. I told her to wait until the class is over. I planned to give her ten minutes before I start the next class. She was a part-time yoga instructor looking for a teaching job in my center. Sorry, I train my own instructors, I don’t employ outsiders, I told her. She wanted to know why. Because, the training backgrounds are different and most of all, the human characters are vary, that I don’t like working with people whom I don’t know very well. Moreover, handing over my dear yoga students to some strangers to teach…that’s something I would not do. She insisted that I should at least give her a chance, to see how good and confident she is in her teaching before I turn her down. I asked her why I owe her the chance. Because, as same fellow yoga teachers, we have to support each other in sharing students, that is the basic ethics for those who are working in the same field, she argued. Ethics… Here is someone, who stepped in my yoga center, and asking for a job by using the tag line of ‘ethics.’ That got my attention.
It doesn’t look like she is going to budge out easily until she gets what she wants. Also, I am not good at brushing off people straight in their face. Ten minutes are not going to work… So I asked my other instructor to take over the next class and settled down with her in the office. Okay. What is your training background? How long you have been doing and teaching Yoga? She happily laid out her passion with yoga, the names of teachers she’s been associated with. About three years in practice, one year of teaching experience after taking three month instructor course from a Westerner in the US… That sounds good.
“Do you know Patanjali Yoga Sutra?”
“Say that, again?”
“Patanjali Yoga Sutra…”
“No, I don’t know. First time I hear about it.”
“Do you know Bhagavad Gita?”
“What is that?”
“They are the two most important Yoga text books for any yoga teachers or yoga aspirants to refer for their ethical conducts.”
“No, Tim (her teacher) never mentioned about the books. Why he didn’t teach us if they are so important?”
“You don’t ask me, should ask him.”
“But…”
So it went on like that, for more than an hour. Still not giving up, she was trying hard to convince me to see at least once how she is teaching yoga. I told her I don’t have to see, because I can already know. She would not believe me. I am sure she is very good at what she is doing but it wouldn’t be my style, or my students’. You are forceful in your way of persuading, which reflects your training and your character. By the same token, your students will be those hardy ones who need somewhat aggressive approach. That’s not my characters, therefore not my students. Then she wanted to know what she can do if she were to teach in my center, which she really wants it, because my center is located very near her house for her convenience…
If you really want to teach in my center, then, you have to go through my training, but it will be hard for you to follow. Why? Is it very difficult with a lot to study? The course itself is not difficult, especially given your kinds of disciplinary attitude. It will be difficult because your own ‘tendency’ ‘nature’ is the main obstacle that will be not easy to overcome, unless you meditate regularly. That is what the Patanjali Yoga Sutra is about, how to see our own characters, tendencies, potentials; then you can refine them to be better; only then you can help others how to see and improve themselves. Yoga is not just about stretching or bending here and there; Yoga is about how to “still the turning thoughts.” That takes time and patience. It can’t happen in three months short crash course.
She could no longer argue with me, though still not yet giving up. She said she will come back to take the meditation course as she really wants to teach in my center. I said sure, but in my heart, I knew she won’t. Few days later she called me to say that, she decided to stick to her own styles. I told her good for you, which I really meant. I didn’t want to jeopardize her belief system that was woven so tightly around her strong sense of ego, her own self-worth. My way will be too drastic of change for her nervous system in that age. But, if she can, she would make a rare and fine teacher, as her kinds of high discipline and commitments are hard to come by. But she decided not to take a step further from ‘loving’ yoga to ‘hating’ yoga stage. Ecstasy springs from fire, and as is anything else we do in life, we need to go beyond initial love until we hate it if we want to see til the end of the tunnel in all our worldly or spiritual pursuits.
Why do people act so fierce in defending their value or belief system, their spiritual or material conditions, or the boundaries they have set up around their identity make-ups? Why do people so quick to make judgments, discrimination, to segregate friends and foes, in the slightest disagreement of opinions, inclinations, likes and dislikes? Why do people behave so stubborn in protecting their own self-interest while it’s okay invading others? Because, we lack in balance, perspective, faith of oneself and others; because, we lack in our ability to trust our inner value and the way of life that works in spiral not in linear way; because we lack in the experiences of fundamental wisdom, Samadhi, that is not depended upon time, space or place.
Pantanjali Yoga Sutra provides the lucid answers and practical ways to achieve liberation from the limited perception of ourselves and life itself. Written by a sage Pantanjali some 2,500 years ago, it describes the means by which Yoga is attained, and the powers that come to the seeker in his quest and the state of absolute liberation. While most yoga practitioners or instructors in Malaysia know nothing, if not little, about the book, its short but beautiful 196 hymns, written in poem like style, are priceless jewels for anyone who is seeking truth, wellness and perfect happiness in this ordinary life we live day to day. It shows how to transform our limited small self into an enlighten being who is the living embodiment of unconditional, universal love and compassion.
We just need to inquire into our very awareness and underlying tendencies, to lift off the veils of fundamental ignorance, overcome inner obstacles, to be free from any physical, mental and emotional sufferings. It says, supreme happiness and abundance is our birthright, of which we forgot in our identification of self to the limited physical body, the fluctuating emotional state, the constantly turning thoughts, conjured up by false impressions of reality, words we heard, and tendencies we carried on from the past. How do you overcome them? By repeatedly bringing our awareness to a single focus with the practice of yoga over a long period of time…
That is why I train my own instructors, though it takes much time and efforts for me than using other instructors trained else where. Because, my intention is not to make them work for me, but to see them growing as a whole person. It is easy to master the triangle, headstand, armstand poses, or teach it to others how to do. But, what is difficult, is one’s willingness to turn within, to refine the character to be a better human being, before we can stand in front of others to teach; be it yoga asanas, yoga theories or ethics. In this fast moving and isolated modern world, in where many are out to take advantage of others in serving their own self interests, I still seek to find those rare souls who are willing to correct themselves and enjoy the reward by helping others, not by monetary return. Even if they are not yet as fit or confident as the lady is, it doesn’t matter. Because soon they will rise above the situation, given some time, supports and encouragements; but whom I would not waste my time and efforts are to those, who can’t see or don’t want to see themselves. Am I a naiveté with an unrealistic idealism of ancient? Maybe… But, that’s what I can’t change about myself. I am a still helpless lover of the human heart that resembles God who works tirelessly whether or not we bother to appreciate Him. I am infused in His love that the rest are little of significance; that is why, sometimes, you find me having this far away look at the corner of my eyes…
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Story 15. The spiritual hometown in my heart--Bhagavad Gita
It is winter back home in Korea. Growing up in a country with distinctive four seasons, winter was my favorite time of the year, because we were allowed to slow down during those cold months. It was okay to get lazy a bit without feeling guilty and also could hide the extra pounds under the thick clothes. When the world and busy outside life go into hibernating mode, I could happily catch up with extra sleep, readings and chit chatting with sisters and mother. The Iowa State where I stayed for 5 years, it used to snow until knee deep. The brilliant midday sunlight shining over the thickets of icy hills like crystal, the hauling sounds of the winter wind blowing all around in the bare corn field of Iowa, as though it were dreams, now they occupy in the corner of my heart as faint memories while I have moved onto different phase in the stages of life. But those were precious times during which life was much simpler and sheer joy filled with learning and hope for future. I missed them very much.
It is my 12th year that I am spending winter time without thick coats, cold air and icy ground. Living in Malaysia that is summer all year round for more than a decade, my body has already accustomed to its hot weather but my heart has not, it seems. The sound of silence in my heart echoes louder always around this time of the year. The yoga center also becomes quieter with the students busying themselves for family holidays or preparation of the New Year. Then, I would turn to my favorite two spiritual guides to find solace for my somehow empty heart— Bhagavad Gita and Patanjali Yoga Sutra (more details in the next article). Whenever I turn to them, I can forget all the wanderings, loneliness, pains and aches. I can renew my perspective about life as a whole with fresh dose of inspiration and enthusiasm. They are like my spiritual hometown where I keep going back whenever I need consolation, comfort, strength, energy and vision. I always get plenty of that, even more than what I asked for.
Among these two, the Gita has especially special meaning to me. It has contributed few important life turning points in my personal life. First, it had initiated me into spiritual journey as a more serious seeker, at a time when my life was in the coldest winter. It also had arranged my meeting of then future husband when I first arrived in the State. The rest of time, it stood there, always silently watching over me, like a loving mother to her child, with caring and protective eyes, without interfering in everything I do but only when it’s needed. It has been the source of my strength, comfort, inspiration and love in the absence of my late dear mother, of which I first come to contact around her departure.
It was one early spring when I was given the present, a translated hand written copy of Bhagavad Gita. At the time, I resigned from my work and was helping out in a yoga center while waiting to leave for US in few months of time. My mother had just passed away and I was in deep depression filled with remorse. Somehow I couldn’t cry during and after mother’s funeral though my heart was heavily saddened and aching. The fact that she was no more, wasn’t really real to me as I could feel her presence even more intensely than when she was alive. As I started to read the book for the first time, a very foreign dialogue between a foreign god and a devotee that happened in an ancient time of a far-away land India, I broke down, started to cry for no reason, wailing like a mad person.
“…Just as you throw out used clothes and put on other clothes, new ones, the Self discards its used bodies and puts on others that are new.” “…Death is certain for the born; for the dead, rebirth is certain. Since both cannot be avoided, you have no reason for your sorrow.”
Those words in the book pierced sharply into my heart and I realized why I couldn’t associate mother’s life as being ended even though her body was no longer around. I could still see her, feel her and hear her voice. I couldn’t cry because she was there so close with me and I was right… I read the book again and again. I felt such relief to know that I wasn’t an evil daughter who can’t even shed tears in mother’s grave, at the same time, to know she would be reborn in where she could study as much as she wanted. It was her dead wish to have higher education in her next life, to become a very learned person…
Soon I heard the news of the yoga teacher training course to be held for six months in Hong Kong. Without thinking much, I postponed the US study and joined the course, though it took a huge chunk out of my study funds. It was not until I arrived there, that I realized what I had agreed to undergo, out of fresh inspiration from the Gita, which was much more beyond my ordinary capacity. Call me daring, but sure it was bravado if not stupid. For the next 6 months, I was to go through a very strict Spartan regime of training in a remote suburban place. First time out in a foreign land, with smattering English, I was not even allowed to call home or they call me. Everyday from 6am to 10 pm, consisted with intense rounding of yoga and meditation, lectures, study, memorization and tests, taking short breaks for meals and evening group stroll only; no talking, no socialization… It seemed I had signed up for a grueling military training in where the only way out was death. Despite the shocks and exertion, I didn’t die therefore I had no other choice but to go on…
I often cried at night silently in my pillow, afraid other people might hear. Mother’s departing started to feel more real, and I worried sick to think about facing father whom I left in darkness about my participation in the crazy (?) course. I cursed the people who put me into this torture by instilling me ‘inspiration.’ But days became weeks, and weeks became months. I was adapting better as my English improved significantly as it often happens in an extreme situation. I didn’t know I could be that resilient and disciplined. I also made some friends with other course participants not to feel like an alien anymore. The course became not so difficult to handle anymore. I also experienced many breakthroughs in meditation as well, helping me to clear off a lot of emotional and psychological baggage that hung around me like a soaked cotton. By the time the course came to an end, I was a different person; much stronger and fit physically; from a lost and confused soul, to somehow more confident and pleasant person who shone much lights and enthusiasm with easy laughter. When father saw my changed persona, he didn’t loose his temper at my disappearance but kept quiet, giving me silent approval.
About a year after teaching in my previous yoga center, I soon left for my further study in the US. As I took a significant amount out of the study funds, I only had left enough money to last one year but not enough to afford the graduate course that I intended before. I felt okay, I said to myself, just one year, better than nothing to experience the bigger world, sufficient to a frog who had been living in a well. I enrolled myself in the English course and soon became accustomed to the new environment and people, enjoying fresh found freedom and learning experience.
One day about one month after my arrival, my Japanese roommate told me of a Bhagavad Gita study group in the town, offered free to Asian students by some Malaysian guy working in the famous new age bookstore in the town, who was also a Chinese Physician and quite well-known among the townies and international students for his mastery in diverse human science and esoteric subjects. I went there and saw this large framed man with funny beard and mustache. Other than that, he didn’t leave me much first impression but had a remarkable skill to understand the broken English of our poor Asian international students; that was the reason he offered the free study course to help us. The study book to be used for the discussion was the Gita. As he started to lecture on the Gita, I noticed that his explanation on the historical background of it was inaccurate. So, I, seating in the audience seat, corrected it by raising my hand. That got his attention—a reserved looking small woman from Korea knows about the Gita…
The rest of our courtship story is history as they would say… The one year plan stretched to five years. I could finish the graduate course with his help not only financially but also academically (he wrote the course papers for me…). I used to joke to him that the dowry money mother left for me, surely arranged to find husband in an unusual way. While my other fellow girl friends spend the money on buying house appliances or gifts for in-laws, I spent it off for the yoga teacher course (US $10,000 in 1991, a lot of money even now…).
Where did I get that kind of courage? Do you think I was crazy or foolish at that time? Maybe I was. But then, I don’t know how to regret over whatever happened. I take it as it comes. Whether the results from my decisions and actions come out, good or bad, I simply take it as learning experiences and move on. I can’t stay stagnated or hold onto what is over. I become very restless and impatient, then. The way I make choices in life are based on what makes me free, not binding with worry, regrets, obligations or fear. At this stage in my life, I see that quality of mine, the ability to think simple and act plain, is not liability, but a biggest asset, that which I learned from the Gita. I don’t strive for worldly fame or success; never I was or will be. But I feel free, content and am at peace with myself and my life. They are the blessings I received by knowing the Gita. They are also the same blessings the Mahatma Gandhi learned from the Gita. He shared those gifts with the whole nation of India to bring about its Independence. I do not dare comparing myself with him, but I do wish to share those gifts with more people if I can. The turbulent year 2008 is almost coming to an end, and it is my New Year wish to be able to hold the Gita study group with some of people who might be interested… Let me know if you are one of them. I will arrange the schedule soon.
It is my 12th year that I am spending winter time without thick coats, cold air and icy ground. Living in Malaysia that is summer all year round for more than a decade, my body has already accustomed to its hot weather but my heart has not, it seems. The sound of silence in my heart echoes louder always around this time of the year. The yoga center also becomes quieter with the students busying themselves for family holidays or preparation of the New Year. Then, I would turn to my favorite two spiritual guides to find solace for my somehow empty heart— Bhagavad Gita and Patanjali Yoga Sutra (more details in the next article). Whenever I turn to them, I can forget all the wanderings, loneliness, pains and aches. I can renew my perspective about life as a whole with fresh dose of inspiration and enthusiasm. They are like my spiritual hometown where I keep going back whenever I need consolation, comfort, strength, energy and vision. I always get plenty of that, even more than what I asked for.
Among these two, the Gita has especially special meaning to me. It has contributed few important life turning points in my personal life. First, it had initiated me into spiritual journey as a more serious seeker, at a time when my life was in the coldest winter. It also had arranged my meeting of then future husband when I first arrived in the State. The rest of time, it stood there, always silently watching over me, like a loving mother to her child, with caring and protective eyes, without interfering in everything I do but only when it’s needed. It has been the source of my strength, comfort, inspiration and love in the absence of my late dear mother, of which I first come to contact around her departure.
It was one early spring when I was given the present, a translated hand written copy of Bhagavad Gita. At the time, I resigned from my work and was helping out in a yoga center while waiting to leave for US in few months of time. My mother had just passed away and I was in deep depression filled with remorse. Somehow I couldn’t cry during and after mother’s funeral though my heart was heavily saddened and aching. The fact that she was no more, wasn’t really real to me as I could feel her presence even more intensely than when she was alive. As I started to read the book for the first time, a very foreign dialogue between a foreign god and a devotee that happened in an ancient time of a far-away land India, I broke down, started to cry for no reason, wailing like a mad person.
“…Just as you throw out used clothes and put on other clothes, new ones, the Self discards its used bodies and puts on others that are new.” “…Death is certain for the born; for the dead, rebirth is certain. Since both cannot be avoided, you have no reason for your sorrow.”
Those words in the book pierced sharply into my heart and I realized why I couldn’t associate mother’s life as being ended even though her body was no longer around. I could still see her, feel her and hear her voice. I couldn’t cry because she was there so close with me and I was right… I read the book again and again. I felt such relief to know that I wasn’t an evil daughter who can’t even shed tears in mother’s grave, at the same time, to know she would be reborn in where she could study as much as she wanted. It was her dead wish to have higher education in her next life, to become a very learned person…
Soon I heard the news of the yoga teacher training course to be held for six months in Hong Kong. Without thinking much, I postponed the US study and joined the course, though it took a huge chunk out of my study funds. It was not until I arrived there, that I realized what I had agreed to undergo, out of fresh inspiration from the Gita, which was much more beyond my ordinary capacity. Call me daring, but sure it was bravado if not stupid. For the next 6 months, I was to go through a very strict Spartan regime of training in a remote suburban place. First time out in a foreign land, with smattering English, I was not even allowed to call home or they call me. Everyday from 6am to 10 pm, consisted with intense rounding of yoga and meditation, lectures, study, memorization and tests, taking short breaks for meals and evening group stroll only; no talking, no socialization… It seemed I had signed up for a grueling military training in where the only way out was death. Despite the shocks and exertion, I didn’t die therefore I had no other choice but to go on…
I often cried at night silently in my pillow, afraid other people might hear. Mother’s departing started to feel more real, and I worried sick to think about facing father whom I left in darkness about my participation in the crazy (?) course. I cursed the people who put me into this torture by instilling me ‘inspiration.’ But days became weeks, and weeks became months. I was adapting better as my English improved significantly as it often happens in an extreme situation. I didn’t know I could be that resilient and disciplined. I also made some friends with other course participants not to feel like an alien anymore. The course became not so difficult to handle anymore. I also experienced many breakthroughs in meditation as well, helping me to clear off a lot of emotional and psychological baggage that hung around me like a soaked cotton. By the time the course came to an end, I was a different person; much stronger and fit physically; from a lost and confused soul, to somehow more confident and pleasant person who shone much lights and enthusiasm with easy laughter. When father saw my changed persona, he didn’t loose his temper at my disappearance but kept quiet, giving me silent approval.
About a year after teaching in my previous yoga center, I soon left for my further study in the US. As I took a significant amount out of the study funds, I only had left enough money to last one year but not enough to afford the graduate course that I intended before. I felt okay, I said to myself, just one year, better than nothing to experience the bigger world, sufficient to a frog who had been living in a well. I enrolled myself in the English course and soon became accustomed to the new environment and people, enjoying fresh found freedom and learning experience.
One day about one month after my arrival, my Japanese roommate told me of a Bhagavad Gita study group in the town, offered free to Asian students by some Malaysian guy working in the famous new age bookstore in the town, who was also a Chinese Physician and quite well-known among the townies and international students for his mastery in diverse human science and esoteric subjects. I went there and saw this large framed man with funny beard and mustache. Other than that, he didn’t leave me much first impression but had a remarkable skill to understand the broken English of our poor Asian international students; that was the reason he offered the free study course to help us. The study book to be used for the discussion was the Gita. As he started to lecture on the Gita, I noticed that his explanation on the historical background of it was inaccurate. So, I, seating in the audience seat, corrected it by raising my hand. That got his attention—a reserved looking small woman from Korea knows about the Gita…
The rest of our courtship story is history as they would say… The one year plan stretched to five years. I could finish the graduate course with his help not only financially but also academically (he wrote the course papers for me…). I used to joke to him that the dowry money mother left for me, surely arranged to find husband in an unusual way. While my other fellow girl friends spend the money on buying house appliances or gifts for in-laws, I spent it off for the yoga teacher course (US $10,000 in 1991, a lot of money even now…).
Where did I get that kind of courage? Do you think I was crazy or foolish at that time? Maybe I was. But then, I don’t know how to regret over whatever happened. I take it as it comes. Whether the results from my decisions and actions come out, good or bad, I simply take it as learning experiences and move on. I can’t stay stagnated or hold onto what is over. I become very restless and impatient, then. The way I make choices in life are based on what makes me free, not binding with worry, regrets, obligations or fear. At this stage in my life, I see that quality of mine, the ability to think simple and act plain, is not liability, but a biggest asset, that which I learned from the Gita. I don’t strive for worldly fame or success; never I was or will be. But I feel free, content and am at peace with myself and my life. They are the blessings I received by knowing the Gita. They are also the same blessings the Mahatma Gandhi learned from the Gita. He shared those gifts with the whole nation of India to bring about its Independence. I do not dare comparing myself with him, but I do wish to share those gifts with more people if I can. The turbulent year 2008 is almost coming to an end, and it is my New Year wish to be able to hold the Gita study group with some of people who might be interested… Let me know if you are one of them. I will arrange the schedule soon.
Bhagavad Gita and Pantanjali Yoga Sutra
Bhagavad Gita
Bhagavad Gita means “The Song of the Blessed One.” No one knows when it was written; some scholars date it as early as fifth century B.C.E, others as late as the first century C.E. But there is general scholarly consensus that in its original form it was an independent poem, which was later inserted into its present context, Book Six of India’s national epic, the Mahabharata.
The Mahabharata is a very long poem—eight times the length of the Illiad land the Odyssey combined—that tells the story of a war between the two clans of a royal family in northern India. One clan is the Pandavas, who are portrayed as paragons of virtue; they are led by Arjuna, the hero of the Gita, and his four brothers. Opposing them are the forces of the Kauravas, their evil conusins, the hundred sons of the blind King Dhritarashtra. At the conclusion of the epic, the capital city lies in ruins and almost all the combatants have been killed.
The Gita takes place on the battle field of Kuru at the beginning of the war. Arjuna has his charioteer, Krishna (who turns out to God incarnate), drive him into the open space between the two armies, where he surveys the combatants. Overwhelmed with dread and pity at the imminent death of so many brave warriors—brothers, cousins, and kinsmen—he drops his weapons and refuses to fight. This is the cue for Krishna to begin his teaching about life an deathlessness, duty, nonattachment, the Self, love spiritual practice, and the inconceivable depths of reality. The Gita, consisted with the eighteen chapters, is a “wondrous dialogue” between Krishna, the God incarnate, and Arjuna, the symbol of a true devotee. However it really is a monologue, much of it wondrous indeed, which often keeps us dazzled and asking for more, as Arjuna does;
“For I never tire of hearing your life-giving, honey-sweet words. (10.18)”
Yoga and Pantanjali Yoga Sutra
1. “Yoga” means “union” or “bring together”. It is a discipline that brings together of body, mind and spirit. Yoga is a powerful means of physiological, psychological and spiritual integration. It makes you aware that you’re part of a larger whole, not merely an island unto yourself. Humans can’t thrive in isolation. Even the most independent individual is indebted to others. Once the body and mind are happily reunited, this union with others comes about naturally.
The moral principles of Yoga are all embracing, encouraging you to seek kinship with everyone and everything. Yoga originated 5,000 or so years ago in India. It only reached the shores of Europe and America a hundred years ago. But the modern Yoga boom didn’t start until the 1960s. In Asia, it is not until 1990s. In Malaysia, it is only last few years. What is popular as “Yoga” throughout the world as it is today, it refers mostly to “Hatha” Yoga.
Hatha Yoga: “Ha” means “sun”, “tha” means “moon”. It starts with the two physical aspects of Yoga, Asana (physical postures) and Pranayam (breathing exercises).
The physical postures and breathing exercises of Hatha Yoga bring harmony, balance and freedom of body. Practicing Hatha Yoga can stabilize and boost one’s vitality and harmonize his emotion, and strengthen the mind.
2. Pantanjali Yoga Sutra, consisted of 196 aphorism (4 chapters), written by a sage Pantanjali some 2,500 years ago, is the most authentically acclaimed and widely translated textbook of Yoga. It describes the means by which Yoga is attained, and the powers that come to the seeker in his quest and the state of absolute liberation. According to Patanjali, there are eight-limbs of Yoga, or Ashtanga Yoga which are designed to lead to enlightenment, or liberation. They are,
1) Yama (The laws of life): Non-violence, Truthfulness, Integrity, Chastity,
Non- attachment.
2) Niyama (The rules for living): Simplicity, Contentment, Purification, Refinement,
Surrender.
3) Asana (The physical postures)
4) Pranayam (Breathing exercises)
5) Pratyahara (The retirement of the senses)
6) Dharana (The steadiness of mind)
7) Dhyana ( Meditation)
8) Samadhi (The settled mind)
The path of Yoga is not liner but rather circular. That is one will arrive to the destination from anywhere he starts the journey, with the eight limbs of yoga, together constituting one body of Yoga.
The first and second limbs, Yama and Niyama, are the inner and our rules of living that which is the behavioral guidelines of yoga practitioners to ensure happiness, harmony and freedom.
The third and fourth limbs, Asana and Pranayam, are the yoga postures and breathing techniques, together constituting Hatha Yoga that which is the most well-known aspect of yoga as is today, almost synonymous with ‘Yoga’ to general public but is only the physical aspect of yoga.
The fifth limb is Pratyahara, that which means ‘sense withdrawal.’ We have five sense faculties—seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching. With these, our attentions are always distracted toward without, out of body, thereby leaving us constantly in the state of anxiety, ungroundedness, insecure and fearful. Like tortoise, when we withdraw our senses within, we can discover the inner sanctuary of calmness, peace and joy.
The sixth, seventh and eight limbs are Dharana, Dhyana and Samadhi, together known as Raja Yoga, meaning the Royal Path of Yoga or meditation. It is the heart of yoga, more intimate than the proceeding limbs, that which describe the natural and effortless process of our undisturbed awareness flowing one direction to experience ‘the settled mind,’ the state in which we experience ever present awareness to be all embracing, blissful and pure.
Bhagavad Gita means “The Song of the Blessed One.” No one knows when it was written; some scholars date it as early as fifth century B.C.E, others as late as the first century C.E. But there is general scholarly consensus that in its original form it was an independent poem, which was later inserted into its present context, Book Six of India’s national epic, the Mahabharata.
The Mahabharata is a very long poem—eight times the length of the Illiad land the Odyssey combined—that tells the story of a war between the two clans of a royal family in northern India. One clan is the Pandavas, who are portrayed as paragons of virtue; they are led by Arjuna, the hero of the Gita, and his four brothers. Opposing them are the forces of the Kauravas, their evil conusins, the hundred sons of the blind King Dhritarashtra. At the conclusion of the epic, the capital city lies in ruins and almost all the combatants have been killed.
The Gita takes place on the battle field of Kuru at the beginning of the war. Arjuna has his charioteer, Krishna (who turns out to God incarnate), drive him into the open space between the two armies, where he surveys the combatants. Overwhelmed with dread and pity at the imminent death of so many brave warriors—brothers, cousins, and kinsmen—he drops his weapons and refuses to fight. This is the cue for Krishna to begin his teaching about life an deathlessness, duty, nonattachment, the Self, love spiritual practice, and the inconceivable depths of reality. The Gita, consisted with the eighteen chapters, is a “wondrous dialogue” between Krishna, the God incarnate, and Arjuna, the symbol of a true devotee. However it really is a monologue, much of it wondrous indeed, which often keeps us dazzled and asking for more, as Arjuna does;
“For I never tire of hearing your life-giving, honey-sweet words. (10.18)”
Yoga and Pantanjali Yoga Sutra
1. “Yoga” means “union” or “bring together”. It is a discipline that brings together of body, mind and spirit. Yoga is a powerful means of physiological, psychological and spiritual integration. It makes you aware that you’re part of a larger whole, not merely an island unto yourself. Humans can’t thrive in isolation. Even the most independent individual is indebted to others. Once the body and mind are happily reunited, this union with others comes about naturally.
The moral principles of Yoga are all embracing, encouraging you to seek kinship with everyone and everything. Yoga originated 5,000 or so years ago in India. It only reached the shores of Europe and America a hundred years ago. But the modern Yoga boom didn’t start until the 1960s. In Asia, it is not until 1990s. In Malaysia, it is only last few years. What is popular as “Yoga” throughout the world as it is today, it refers mostly to “Hatha” Yoga.
Hatha Yoga: “Ha” means “sun”, “tha” means “moon”. It starts with the two physical aspects of Yoga, Asana (physical postures) and Pranayam (breathing exercises).
The physical postures and breathing exercises of Hatha Yoga bring harmony, balance and freedom of body. Practicing Hatha Yoga can stabilize and boost one’s vitality and harmonize his emotion, and strengthen the mind.
2. Pantanjali Yoga Sutra, consisted of 196 aphorism (4 chapters), written by a sage Pantanjali some 2,500 years ago, is the most authentically acclaimed and widely translated textbook of Yoga. It describes the means by which Yoga is attained, and the powers that come to the seeker in his quest and the state of absolute liberation. According to Patanjali, there are eight-limbs of Yoga, or Ashtanga Yoga which are designed to lead to enlightenment, or liberation. They are,
1) Yama (The laws of life): Non-violence, Truthfulness, Integrity, Chastity,
Non- attachment.
2) Niyama (The rules for living): Simplicity, Contentment, Purification, Refinement,
Surrender.
3) Asana (The physical postures)
4) Pranayam (Breathing exercises)
5) Pratyahara (The retirement of the senses)
6) Dharana (The steadiness of mind)
7) Dhyana ( Meditation)
8) Samadhi (The settled mind)
The path of Yoga is not liner but rather circular. That is one will arrive to the destination from anywhere he starts the journey, with the eight limbs of yoga, together constituting one body of Yoga.
The first and second limbs, Yama and Niyama, are the inner and our rules of living that which is the behavioral guidelines of yoga practitioners to ensure happiness, harmony and freedom.
The third and fourth limbs, Asana and Pranayam, are the yoga postures and breathing techniques, together constituting Hatha Yoga that which is the most well-known aspect of yoga as is today, almost synonymous with ‘Yoga’ to general public but is only the physical aspect of yoga.
The fifth limb is Pratyahara, that which means ‘sense withdrawal.’ We have five sense faculties—seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching. With these, our attentions are always distracted toward without, out of body, thereby leaving us constantly in the state of anxiety, ungroundedness, insecure and fearful. Like tortoise, when we withdraw our senses within, we can discover the inner sanctuary of calmness, peace and joy.
The sixth, seventh and eight limbs are Dharana, Dhyana and Samadhi, together known as Raja Yoga, meaning the Royal Path of Yoga or meditation. It is the heart of yoga, more intimate than the proceeding limbs, that which describe the natural and effortless process of our undisturbed awareness flowing one direction to experience ‘the settled mind,’ the state in which we experience ever present awareness to be all embracing, blissful and pure.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Story 14. Expanding our awareness through Yoga
The recent Fatwa hiccup for yoga has presented me a chance for deep reflection, on why we are doing yoga and what I want to accomplish by teaching it, despite not doing so would save much of my troubles and heartache in otherwise my rather contented personal life.
Initially, it sounded rather absurd to hear associating yoga with religion. Then I felt, in a way, it did good to bring the public’s attention that there are different dimensions of yoga, that which was associated mainly with ‘exercise’ to general public. While the majority of yoga practitioners, not only in Malaysia but throughout the world, practice yoga for its physical and health benefits, there are other aspects of yoga besides its physical part, mental and spiritual aspects, that which are not much to do with religion but of about becoming a whole person.
The different dimensions of yoga are like the spokes of a wheel; in the center, there is a hub that which is our awareness, not the Hinduism. Yoga expands our awareness physically, mentally and spiritually despite our different culture, race, gender and religion. Its practice makes stronger of who we are at the core; it does not cause diversion from who we already are. Because its practice is based on our ability to be aware, a unique quality of we human amongst all other mammals.
Religion is a matter of personal faith whereas yoga is a way to enhance one’s overall wellness, in body, mind and spirit that which I could testify the best through my own life. Despite decades treading in this path, I never became anything that I was not before, but become stronger of what I was right from the beginning. Originally I am a reflective nature who loves solitary lifestyle with simple needs for anything external. I am not particularly a religious type who was endowed a strong faith by birth, but more of a philosopher who believes in goodness of nature and humanity.
By chance, I got into Indian mysticism in my late teen and if you count from there my association with yoga and Hinduism, then, it is almost three decades that I am in this yogic path. I never managed to covert into a Hindu till now. I went to a Christian high school before that, who had to listen the school priest’s weekly summon and take a test on our Bible knowledge. I also went to Church often because I liked to sing Gospel. I like to read the Buddhist Sutras and have a Buddhist name given by a renowned Korean monk, when I went to a temple for the memorial service for my late mother. When I came to Malaysia years back, hearing the early morning and evening prayers from a nearby mosque was what soothed the most of my troubled heart then. It sounded like heavenly hymn, so ethereal and mystic.
After all these years of different exposure from different religions, teachings and culture, however, if you ask me what I am, I am still a humanist who doesn’t have any religious propaganda but a good intention to be a useful person to others. Teaching yoga and meditation is my self-chosen mission because it is one of the most comprehensive ways of living, as I found out, to enhance, to elevate our personal as well as collective awareness in our quest for much nobler life.
My choice for this ‘yogic path’ was because it suited the best of my independent spirit. And yet, it was enough for me as this path allowed me to best express my love and gratitude for people and life. It was a self-reformative and self-sustaining path that didn’t need other’s instructions or interventions. It didn’t demand me of changing or converting into anything that I do not agree. Instead, I could take my own time, my own wills and capacity to become, to mold into what I am willing to be at the moment.
Practicing Yoga is like unpeeling the layers of an onion. One layer by one layer… what is there left? Empty space…within that empty space it contains diversity of human race, color, religion or belief system. That empty space is called ‘awareness.’ Within which, you and I become one, diversity and singularity become one. All hatred, conflicts, misunderstanding, shortcomings, melt into nothingness. We become a whole and more complete each time after sweating, huffing and puffing our breaths on the yoga mat. We become a translucent mirror of wisdom after each session on the meditation cushion. We become that much alert and intimate to the very people we are living together as we continuously relish our mental, physical stress, thus refining our spiritual self to be better human beings in all relationships, all aspects of our life.
And yet, the Hatha Yoga, the physical aspect of yoga, is the best place to start for anyone who wants to improve themselves. It directly shows us the limitations of our physical body, and thereby, teaches us how to be patient and compassionate at the same time. Slowly, we will start to glimpse a crack in the junction of our awareness, in between the in and out of regular breaths, to discover the fundamental truth we all hold together deep in our heart. Like you and I, everybody is just searching for somewhere to belong, something that will make us more holistic and complete. We are so much alike, and yet, so different in the ways of seeking for acceptance and fulfillment. Yoga make us to turn around and find the union of body, mind and spirit within, so that we can see how we are connected with others and life without. The ‘seeing’ and ‘knowing’ comes from ‘awareness.’
While everything else, anyone else in our life comes and goes, the awareness we have, born with, will never leave us even a moment till we die. No matter how pleasant or unpleasant events might strike us, threatening to shake off the much sought balance off from our ordinary, uneventful life, our ability to be ‘aware’ at the present moment by turning around is the saving grace for our sanity, wellness and happiness. That extra ordinary journey to discover the treasure land lies within us, all happening in the yoga mat while learning to breathe in and out consciously, while learning to stretch, bend and twist one step by one step, one class by one class. That is why yoga became so popular throughout the world because it heightens the power of our awareness more than anything. When we have that, it doesn’t matter whatever we do; whoever we are; we feel just perfect and complete in each moment. It is our inborn desire to be happier and better. Yoga fills in the gap wonderfully, in a very much congruent way, because it connects our body and mind with breath to uplift our spirit.
That’s why I love Yoga, and why I want others to do Yoga, whether be young or old, male or female, steep or flexible, ill or healthy, etc. It brings us to the center of our being, awareness, to liberate us from all internal and external limitations, numerous polarities we have, so that we can take everyday life much easier, simpler, but more consciously. For me, that is my religion, seeing my own as well as other’s awareness expanding, expanding without boundary from this very yoga mat...
Initially, it sounded rather absurd to hear associating yoga with religion. Then I felt, in a way, it did good to bring the public’s attention that there are different dimensions of yoga, that which was associated mainly with ‘exercise’ to general public. While the majority of yoga practitioners, not only in Malaysia but throughout the world, practice yoga for its physical and health benefits, there are other aspects of yoga besides its physical part, mental and spiritual aspects, that which are not much to do with religion but of about becoming a whole person.
The different dimensions of yoga are like the spokes of a wheel; in the center, there is a hub that which is our awareness, not the Hinduism. Yoga expands our awareness physically, mentally and spiritually despite our different culture, race, gender and religion. Its practice makes stronger of who we are at the core; it does not cause diversion from who we already are. Because its practice is based on our ability to be aware, a unique quality of we human amongst all other mammals.
Religion is a matter of personal faith whereas yoga is a way to enhance one’s overall wellness, in body, mind and spirit that which I could testify the best through my own life. Despite decades treading in this path, I never became anything that I was not before, but become stronger of what I was right from the beginning. Originally I am a reflective nature who loves solitary lifestyle with simple needs for anything external. I am not particularly a religious type who was endowed a strong faith by birth, but more of a philosopher who believes in goodness of nature and humanity.
By chance, I got into Indian mysticism in my late teen and if you count from there my association with yoga and Hinduism, then, it is almost three decades that I am in this yogic path. I never managed to covert into a Hindu till now. I went to a Christian high school before that, who had to listen the school priest’s weekly summon and take a test on our Bible knowledge. I also went to Church often because I liked to sing Gospel. I like to read the Buddhist Sutras and have a Buddhist name given by a renowned Korean monk, when I went to a temple for the memorial service for my late mother. When I came to Malaysia years back, hearing the early morning and evening prayers from a nearby mosque was what soothed the most of my troubled heart then. It sounded like heavenly hymn, so ethereal and mystic.
After all these years of different exposure from different religions, teachings and culture, however, if you ask me what I am, I am still a humanist who doesn’t have any religious propaganda but a good intention to be a useful person to others. Teaching yoga and meditation is my self-chosen mission because it is one of the most comprehensive ways of living, as I found out, to enhance, to elevate our personal as well as collective awareness in our quest for much nobler life.
My choice for this ‘yogic path’ was because it suited the best of my independent spirit. And yet, it was enough for me as this path allowed me to best express my love and gratitude for people and life. It was a self-reformative and self-sustaining path that didn’t need other’s instructions or interventions. It didn’t demand me of changing or converting into anything that I do not agree. Instead, I could take my own time, my own wills and capacity to become, to mold into what I am willing to be at the moment.
Practicing Yoga is like unpeeling the layers of an onion. One layer by one layer… what is there left? Empty space…within that empty space it contains diversity of human race, color, religion or belief system. That empty space is called ‘awareness.’ Within which, you and I become one, diversity and singularity become one. All hatred, conflicts, misunderstanding, shortcomings, melt into nothingness. We become a whole and more complete each time after sweating, huffing and puffing our breaths on the yoga mat. We become a translucent mirror of wisdom after each session on the meditation cushion. We become that much alert and intimate to the very people we are living together as we continuously relish our mental, physical stress, thus refining our spiritual self to be better human beings in all relationships, all aspects of our life.
And yet, the Hatha Yoga, the physical aspect of yoga, is the best place to start for anyone who wants to improve themselves. It directly shows us the limitations of our physical body, and thereby, teaches us how to be patient and compassionate at the same time. Slowly, we will start to glimpse a crack in the junction of our awareness, in between the in and out of regular breaths, to discover the fundamental truth we all hold together deep in our heart. Like you and I, everybody is just searching for somewhere to belong, something that will make us more holistic and complete. We are so much alike, and yet, so different in the ways of seeking for acceptance and fulfillment. Yoga make us to turn around and find the union of body, mind and spirit within, so that we can see how we are connected with others and life without. The ‘seeing’ and ‘knowing’ comes from ‘awareness.’
While everything else, anyone else in our life comes and goes, the awareness we have, born with, will never leave us even a moment till we die. No matter how pleasant or unpleasant events might strike us, threatening to shake off the much sought balance off from our ordinary, uneventful life, our ability to be ‘aware’ at the present moment by turning around is the saving grace for our sanity, wellness and happiness. That extra ordinary journey to discover the treasure land lies within us, all happening in the yoga mat while learning to breathe in and out consciously, while learning to stretch, bend and twist one step by one step, one class by one class. That is why yoga became so popular throughout the world because it heightens the power of our awareness more than anything. When we have that, it doesn’t matter whatever we do; whoever we are; we feel just perfect and complete in each moment. It is our inborn desire to be happier and better. Yoga fills in the gap wonderfully, in a very much congruent way, because it connects our body and mind with breath to uplift our spirit.
That’s why I love Yoga, and why I want others to do Yoga, whether be young or old, male or female, steep or flexible, ill or healthy, etc. It brings us to the center of our being, awareness, to liberate us from all internal and external limitations, numerous polarities we have, so that we can take everyday life much easier, simpler, but more consciously. For me, that is my religion, seeing my own as well as other’s awareness expanding, expanding without boundary from this very yoga mat...
Friday, October 31, 2008
Story 13. Crude and Refinement
My hubby often used the word “crude.” I had difficulty grasping the exact meaning of it. Of course, when I look into my Korean-English dictionary, its literary meaning is clearly explained, of being rough, unrefined. But how he uses it in what context? It took me sometime to actually understand it. There is another word that I had battled with; it is “refinement.” It means to improve, fine-tune or polish up. Our teachers often used this word during my graduate study of Indian Philosophy. My English comprehension was not up to the standard yet in those early days. So I was blur whenever I heard it that didn’t quite ring the bell in my awareness.
In the Patanjali Yoga Sutra, the foremost important Yoga text written by the Sage Pantanjali in the ancient India about 2 500 years ago, it is stated that refinement is one of the most important, practical tools of Yogic path to bring about the fruits of Enlightenment. “Sutra” means “thread.” Like thread, once we start pulling one end of its bundle, the rest will automatically come along; describing the consequential process that unfold naturally in the path of yoga. The Sutra is one of the most important scared treatises for yoga practitioners to study as it reveals how our untrained, crude body, mind and being, have to go through the process of thorough cleansing taming, inside out-outside in, for refinement if we were to reap the fruits of enlightenment and ultimate happiness.
Enlightenment and ultimate happiness… they are really big words, causally used among New Age circles but remain as illusive as an oasis in the desert to the most people. Many assume that spiritual life means living like ascetics, away from the hustle-bustles of worldly affairs to meditate for hours, days, months in a mountain cave to realize God. We all are ordinary people, living ordinary life; go to work, take care of bills and family, worry about what to eat or cook, with numerous concerns of our health and future. If we are practicing yoga and meditation, it is more for releasing stress and shed some extra pounds. We don’t really relate our everyday living with the grand spiritual propaganda.
Years back, when I got into reading Indian mysticism like Rajneesh, Krishnamurthy and others, there were plenty of stories about some tough sadhus (spiritual renunciates) doing severe penances, Tapas; like standing in one leg with one arm raised forever until they can see God, piercing tongues and cheeks or walking on fire to prove their spiritual resolution, or fasting for months until only skeletons are left in the body to reach enlightenment in this very life. I said, gee…it’s not for me. No way I could do that, thereby no chance for me to even dream about meeting God or getting enlighten in this life time. But Yoga and meditation helped me to relieve my mental stress and the chronicle headaches I was suffering then, by being a financial controller in a company. So my motivation of taking this yogic path was purely to find the cures for my health problem, nothing to do with enlightenment.
However it led me one another in the way I had never imagined or planned. It was not until much later that I realized enlightenment is not the final acquisition but is the process of expanding our experiences and awareness while learning to live this very life as real as it can be. The very things we do everyday; waking up, going to toilet, cleaning, working, eating, even getting sick…they are all important chances to cultivate our inborn spirituality if done mindfully. When we plant a seed, whether it is visible or not in our naked eyes, given some time and regular watering, it definitely grows into a tree with branches, leaves and fruits. I planted a seed in me without thinking much about what it would bring. There were winds, rains, and sometimes storms threatening to uproot, but I persisted. There were also joys, happiness and achievements by seeing the seed growing, much more than what I had bargained for initially. From the quiet and timid country girl, I somehow managed to become this middle aged woman with much laughter and reasons to celebrate life, and whose husband and kid can no longer make her angry easily. Most of all, I have become much more patient and peaceful that I am no longer a liability but a source of comfort and strength to the people I love.
Now I realize these two, crude and refinement, are the most beautiful and best summarizing words of what our human life is about. Because we constantly transform from somewhat crude, immature beings like cocoon into something more refine, gorgeous human beings like butterfly; given some time, awareness, efforts, patience and faith.
Now I realize that living spiritual life means not trying to become some superhuman with clairvoyant abilities but to become the best human being we can be as wife, husband, mother, father, friends, children to our parents, employee and employer, and citizens to the country. The best place to cultivate our spiritual growth is not somewhere hidden in the forest but this very ordinary life we have; living our feet immersed in the pools of mud, the world, to serve our family and society while not forgetting to cultivate virtues like friendship, compassion and happiness. Real spiritual experiences are not about acquiring supernormal powers like walking through fire, water, wall or levitating; but are about how much we can expand our heart to embrace all humanity without prejudice, judgment and alienation. Wherever we are, whatever we are, young and old, rich and poor, famous or ordinary…the life we have right now, more or less, is our best chance to cultivate full enlightenment. The challenge is maintaining the focus despite numerous distractions that would come along the way before we can see actual blossoming of the lotus flower from our heart.
It is heart-aching to me every time; to see many giving up too easily at the first sight of one or two initial road blocks; illness, laziness, carelessness, doubt, sleep, lack of the ability to experience Samadhi (spiritual joy) and the ability to maintain Samadhi… they are the obstacles listed in the Sutra that which is universal for everyone. They are our inert crudeness that has to be dropped away, to be overcome with consistent efforts and refinement. If we keep running away, avoid looking at it directly beyond those ugly parts, then we will never know who we really are, how much more we can do to grow, to be better than right now. A sculptor saw a beautiful Buddha statue hidden inside a huge mountain rock. All he did was sculpting away some rough parts that was surrounded the statue. He rescued him from oblivion to life; to last generations so that others could pay homage to its magnificent presence.
So what are we to do? We exercise despite not feeling like it or tired if we want to stay healthy and fit. We meditate if we want to have clearer mind, be calmer and happier despite feeling too busy to sit down quietly. We continue practice to finish full exhalation despite the temptation to breathe in and out as fast as we can. We eat, talk, walk and work mindfully despite our tendency to space out… Then in no time, we could sculpt out the best statue out of us that which ourselves can be proud and contented with, for our grand, great-grand children could respect and emulate to become. For me, that is the most spiritual way of living…
In the Patanjali Yoga Sutra, the foremost important Yoga text written by the Sage Pantanjali in the ancient India about 2 500 years ago, it is stated that refinement is one of the most important, practical tools of Yogic path to bring about the fruits of Enlightenment. “Sutra” means “thread.” Like thread, once we start pulling one end of its bundle, the rest will automatically come along; describing the consequential process that unfold naturally in the path of yoga. The Sutra is one of the most important scared treatises for yoga practitioners to study as it reveals how our untrained, crude body, mind and being, have to go through the process of thorough cleansing taming, inside out-outside in, for refinement if we were to reap the fruits of enlightenment and ultimate happiness.
Enlightenment and ultimate happiness… they are really big words, causally used among New Age circles but remain as illusive as an oasis in the desert to the most people. Many assume that spiritual life means living like ascetics, away from the hustle-bustles of worldly affairs to meditate for hours, days, months in a mountain cave to realize God. We all are ordinary people, living ordinary life; go to work, take care of bills and family, worry about what to eat or cook, with numerous concerns of our health and future. If we are practicing yoga and meditation, it is more for releasing stress and shed some extra pounds. We don’t really relate our everyday living with the grand spiritual propaganda.
Years back, when I got into reading Indian mysticism like Rajneesh, Krishnamurthy and others, there were plenty of stories about some tough sadhus (spiritual renunciates) doing severe penances, Tapas; like standing in one leg with one arm raised forever until they can see God, piercing tongues and cheeks or walking on fire to prove their spiritual resolution, or fasting for months until only skeletons are left in the body to reach enlightenment in this very life. I said, gee…it’s not for me. No way I could do that, thereby no chance for me to even dream about meeting God or getting enlighten in this life time. But Yoga and meditation helped me to relieve my mental stress and the chronicle headaches I was suffering then, by being a financial controller in a company. So my motivation of taking this yogic path was purely to find the cures for my health problem, nothing to do with enlightenment.
However it led me one another in the way I had never imagined or planned. It was not until much later that I realized enlightenment is not the final acquisition but is the process of expanding our experiences and awareness while learning to live this very life as real as it can be. The very things we do everyday; waking up, going to toilet, cleaning, working, eating, even getting sick…they are all important chances to cultivate our inborn spirituality if done mindfully. When we plant a seed, whether it is visible or not in our naked eyes, given some time and regular watering, it definitely grows into a tree with branches, leaves and fruits. I planted a seed in me without thinking much about what it would bring. There were winds, rains, and sometimes storms threatening to uproot, but I persisted. There were also joys, happiness and achievements by seeing the seed growing, much more than what I had bargained for initially. From the quiet and timid country girl, I somehow managed to become this middle aged woman with much laughter and reasons to celebrate life, and whose husband and kid can no longer make her angry easily. Most of all, I have become much more patient and peaceful that I am no longer a liability but a source of comfort and strength to the people I love.
Now I realize these two, crude and refinement, are the most beautiful and best summarizing words of what our human life is about. Because we constantly transform from somewhat crude, immature beings like cocoon into something more refine, gorgeous human beings like butterfly; given some time, awareness, efforts, patience and faith.
Now I realize that living spiritual life means not trying to become some superhuman with clairvoyant abilities but to become the best human being we can be as wife, husband, mother, father, friends, children to our parents, employee and employer, and citizens to the country. The best place to cultivate our spiritual growth is not somewhere hidden in the forest but this very ordinary life we have; living our feet immersed in the pools of mud, the world, to serve our family and society while not forgetting to cultivate virtues like friendship, compassion and happiness. Real spiritual experiences are not about acquiring supernormal powers like walking through fire, water, wall or levitating; but are about how much we can expand our heart to embrace all humanity without prejudice, judgment and alienation. Wherever we are, whatever we are, young and old, rich and poor, famous or ordinary…the life we have right now, more or less, is our best chance to cultivate full enlightenment. The challenge is maintaining the focus despite numerous distractions that would come along the way before we can see actual blossoming of the lotus flower from our heart.
It is heart-aching to me every time; to see many giving up too easily at the first sight of one or two initial road blocks; illness, laziness, carelessness, doubt, sleep, lack of the ability to experience Samadhi (spiritual joy) and the ability to maintain Samadhi… they are the obstacles listed in the Sutra that which is universal for everyone. They are our inert crudeness that has to be dropped away, to be overcome with consistent efforts and refinement. If we keep running away, avoid looking at it directly beyond those ugly parts, then we will never know who we really are, how much more we can do to grow, to be better than right now. A sculptor saw a beautiful Buddha statue hidden inside a huge mountain rock. All he did was sculpting away some rough parts that was surrounded the statue. He rescued him from oblivion to life; to last generations so that others could pay homage to its magnificent presence.
So what are we to do? We exercise despite not feeling like it or tired if we want to stay healthy and fit. We meditate if we want to have clearer mind, be calmer and happier despite feeling too busy to sit down quietly. We continue practice to finish full exhalation despite the temptation to breathe in and out as fast as we can. We eat, talk, walk and work mindfully despite our tendency to space out… Then in no time, we could sculpt out the best statue out of us that which ourselves can be proud and contented with, for our grand, great-grand children could respect and emulate to become. For me, that is the most spiritual way of living…
Monday, October 20, 2008
Story 12. You, I and We
When my now twelve-year-old son Edwin was about two years old, just learning to speak in short sentences, he had difficulty grasping the difference between “you” and “I.” He was fast in his language development for his age, except that he couldn’t differentiate the use of “I” and “you.” As I was referring him as “you” and myself “I”, he also did that. He himself was “you” and I, his mom, was “I.” I couldn’t make him understand to be switched the other way when referring to one self. So I let him be. However, soon after he was using its term correctly, himself as “I” and others as “you.” I wasn’t sure how he got it. There on, he was quite clear about the fact that he is a separate being from mommy, daddy or other people. He exhibited a strong sense of self even in that tender age of not-yet-three.
As for me, I don’t remember since when I started perceive myself as an independent “I” but it came rather late, maybe in my late teen or early twenty. Of course being an aloof and reserved kid didn’t help much in forming a clearer self-identity early. And yet, in retrospect, I think it was more to do with my native Korean language. The structure of its language is such that, we seldom refer or separate our self from the other either “you” or “I”, but have tendency to refer uniformly as “we” “us” “ours”…etc. Instead of saying “I want/do/like…” we say as “we want/do/like…” Instead of saying “my family/house/parents/friends…” we say as “our family/house/parents/friends…”
Now, after years of speaking English, that which requires clearer distinction between “you, I or we,” so that the listeners can be understood clearly, I became rather hesitant in my choice of using them. “You” sounds too pinpointing; “I” sounds too self-centered… and I don’t like to be personal. Thereby, I still don’t have much strong concept on “you” or “I” and I don’t feel the need to strengthen it either. I prefer to be no-one. Then I can be anyone to understand others better in their shoes. So, I either skip or still prefer using “we” “us” in my language usage. I guess blood is stronger than water.
Language, beside culture, is one of the most powerful tools in conditioning our thinking, behavioral and responsive patterns. The collective functioning mode in a group, either in positive or negative way, works especially powerful in things the Koreans do; see how the small country like Korea, still divided into two continents, can excel in so many various areas globally; technology, research and academia, culture, sports, etc, competing with gigantic countries like US, China, or Japan? Virtually an unknown country to the world, they achieved the developed status in so short periods of time, mostly in the last two decades. Don’t miss out also to notice how good they are at picketing or sabotaging to protect certain group’s interest. The country never has had a shortage in finding faults to quarrel about or a cause to unite together. They are masters in uniting or alienating in any given situation in almost light speeds.
I was a black sheep when I was growing up in there. I couldn’t associate or identify myself like how other Koreans do. I was a loner. Then, I am a foreigner in here, Malaysia, in where my family, friends and life are. I do not know where I belong but do not have to belong anywhere either. Not having to have a fixed position allows me to see life in a neutral way, without much need to take a side, or cling onto. Not living within the boundary of same culture and language, have its advantages as well as disadvantages. The occasional bouts of loneliness and isolation at times, are one of the things I have to live with. But in life, we can’t expect for perfection. I choose to see the bright side instead; as a universal citizen myself with universal religion like water, as descried in the Zhuang-zi.
I don’t have to identify with anything or anybody; so that I can freely flow. I don’t have to be troubled with each changing conditions of scenery or weather; when there are obstacles of rocks, twigs, I can simply go around or go along with. Leaves of trees are always falling, birds are chirping and monkeys are skipping around; sometimes rain, sometimes sunny, windy or breeze… That’s life, as they say. When I can come to terms with changing conditions of life, then, I feel easier to deal with anything in life and without much to fear about.
We have the body that is constantly changing; we have the mind and emotion that are always moving and fluctuating; we have memories of the past, impressions of the present that which continuously molding our future; we have different hats wearing to fit into different family and social roles. However, none of it can really define who the real “I” is; that which we take it so seriously with. What we take as “I” is “you” to the one we are relating. For who “you” is to me, is “I” to you… Are there any difference between “you” and “I”? Who the “you” is that we take it so differently and thereby, alienating? As the Zhuang-zi wasn’t sure whether he was the butterfly in his dream or the butterfly him in his awakened state; how sure are we, of what we think as “I” today, will be the same tomorrow?
I know, it starts to sound very confusing. The bottom line is, at times, we are too attached to the view of being certain “I”; to how “I” think, “I” feel, “I” do and “I” suppose to be… The “I” becomes too central, too important and absolute that it often lacks perspective and consideration to the rest of the world. “I” insist that “my” family and children should be the best; “my” money, property, and prestige are the top priority than others’. “I” become easily afraid, insecure about losing anything that belongs to “me”; “I” become jealous and depressive if “you” become richer, better than “me.” Thereby, it springs the many ugly things out from the Pandora’s Box preventing us to enjoy harmonious life together. Life became suffering, discontented, and unhappiness, rather than joyful and heavenly. We need to shift our focus.
Everybody knows that the earth circles around the sun astronomically; and yet, we take this position the sun circling around the earth astrologically; because it is more convenient to assume that we are at the center of the universe. Yet no one will argue about the fact that the earth is not the center but the sun is. Everybody knows that there are millions of other people have lived, living and will live with the same “I” concepts. And yet, the one “I” holding in this body, mind and emotion with “my” family, social, cultural backgrounds is too much important than any of the rest “I”. My finger cut, my stomach upset is more urgent than the one who got disfigured from bomb, the hunger of African children; because it is happening to the “I” not “you.” We can be so absurdly selfish and unreasonable, especially when we are lacking in perspective about life as a whole.
Why don’t we see more as “we” “us” “ours”? We need more warmth, acceptance and compassion in our heart if we were to nourish the various relationships in our life, not only with fellow human beings but with even animals and unanimous objects of nature like trees, plants or rocks. Then, much of our human conflicts, deceits, and other social crimes of the society; wastage, pollutions, and other numerous things we human do to cause environmental destructions, can be much less and under control. In turn, the earth will be a better living place for the generations to come, not just for “my” “my kids” time only…
How sad is that we can’t see the countless blessings our life has inherited? When God has created us human in His image, He never meant us to suffer but to enjoy the best of everything. It was our forgetfulness, narrow mindedness that has separated from our original divine nature to be otherwise; to act with hatred, to cause conspiracy, conflicts, arguments, back biting, etc. We need to turn around our awareness from “I” “you” to “we”, like Copernicus.’ He had discovered that the earth is round not flat like how his generation had believed. His precious discovery didn’t bring any minus to our life; instead it brought great advancement of modern science elevating the qualities of life beyond his generation’s comprehension. Shifting perception from where “I” “you” stance to where “we” stance can also bring us greater unity and collective happiness; to the land of utopia, to the Pure Land, to Enlightenment. That is the uniformed promise made in various spiritual scriptures.
So what do we do? Let’s choose to be happy and joyful. We choose to be open, generous and forgiving. Whether be good or bad, we choose not to be so excited or be miserable about. Then we can allow things, people, events of life come and go easily. Whatever happens to “I” become not so painful, disastrous or difficult; instead we can remember to relax with “this shall pass.” Whatever good things happen to “I”, we don’t become so afraid to loose or disappear; instead we could enjoy its fruits until it last. Fortunes and misfortunes, happiness and unhappiness fluctuate like seasons. Yet we can still enjoy each moments without reservation or fear. That is the joy of becoming like water so that we can experience our life flowing, growing each moment and look forward to be eventually united with the ocean. I, you, and we… really there are not much difference because your happiness is my happiness and our happiness, and vice versa. So let’s loose our grips on too personal themes; instead why not, learned to see, be united as “we” like one big community. Who knows what kinds of miracles it would bring?
As for me, I don’t remember since when I started perceive myself as an independent “I” but it came rather late, maybe in my late teen or early twenty. Of course being an aloof and reserved kid didn’t help much in forming a clearer self-identity early. And yet, in retrospect, I think it was more to do with my native Korean language. The structure of its language is such that, we seldom refer or separate our self from the other either “you” or “I”, but have tendency to refer uniformly as “we” “us” “ours”…etc. Instead of saying “I want/do/like…” we say as “we want/do/like…” Instead of saying “my family/house/parents/friends…” we say as “our family/house/parents/friends…”
Now, after years of speaking English, that which requires clearer distinction between “you, I or we,” so that the listeners can be understood clearly, I became rather hesitant in my choice of using them. “You” sounds too pinpointing; “I” sounds too self-centered… and I don’t like to be personal. Thereby, I still don’t have much strong concept on “you” or “I” and I don’t feel the need to strengthen it either. I prefer to be no-one. Then I can be anyone to understand others better in their shoes. So, I either skip or still prefer using “we” “us” in my language usage. I guess blood is stronger than water.
Language, beside culture, is one of the most powerful tools in conditioning our thinking, behavioral and responsive patterns. The collective functioning mode in a group, either in positive or negative way, works especially powerful in things the Koreans do; see how the small country like Korea, still divided into two continents, can excel in so many various areas globally; technology, research and academia, culture, sports, etc, competing with gigantic countries like US, China, or Japan? Virtually an unknown country to the world, they achieved the developed status in so short periods of time, mostly in the last two decades. Don’t miss out also to notice how good they are at picketing or sabotaging to protect certain group’s interest. The country never has had a shortage in finding faults to quarrel about or a cause to unite together. They are masters in uniting or alienating in any given situation in almost light speeds.
I was a black sheep when I was growing up in there. I couldn’t associate or identify myself like how other Koreans do. I was a loner. Then, I am a foreigner in here, Malaysia, in where my family, friends and life are. I do not know where I belong but do not have to belong anywhere either. Not having to have a fixed position allows me to see life in a neutral way, without much need to take a side, or cling onto. Not living within the boundary of same culture and language, have its advantages as well as disadvantages. The occasional bouts of loneliness and isolation at times, are one of the things I have to live with. But in life, we can’t expect for perfection. I choose to see the bright side instead; as a universal citizen myself with universal religion like water, as descried in the Zhuang-zi.
I don’t have to identify with anything or anybody; so that I can freely flow. I don’t have to be troubled with each changing conditions of scenery or weather; when there are obstacles of rocks, twigs, I can simply go around or go along with. Leaves of trees are always falling, birds are chirping and monkeys are skipping around; sometimes rain, sometimes sunny, windy or breeze… That’s life, as they say. When I can come to terms with changing conditions of life, then, I feel easier to deal with anything in life and without much to fear about.
We have the body that is constantly changing; we have the mind and emotion that are always moving and fluctuating; we have memories of the past, impressions of the present that which continuously molding our future; we have different hats wearing to fit into different family and social roles. However, none of it can really define who the real “I” is; that which we take it so seriously with. What we take as “I” is “you” to the one we are relating. For who “you” is to me, is “I” to you… Are there any difference between “you” and “I”? Who the “you” is that we take it so differently and thereby, alienating? As the Zhuang-zi wasn’t sure whether he was the butterfly in his dream or the butterfly him in his awakened state; how sure are we, of what we think as “I” today, will be the same tomorrow?
I know, it starts to sound very confusing. The bottom line is, at times, we are too attached to the view of being certain “I”; to how “I” think, “I” feel, “I” do and “I” suppose to be… The “I” becomes too central, too important and absolute that it often lacks perspective and consideration to the rest of the world. “I” insist that “my” family and children should be the best; “my” money, property, and prestige are the top priority than others’. “I” become easily afraid, insecure about losing anything that belongs to “me”; “I” become jealous and depressive if “you” become richer, better than “me.” Thereby, it springs the many ugly things out from the Pandora’s Box preventing us to enjoy harmonious life together. Life became suffering, discontented, and unhappiness, rather than joyful and heavenly. We need to shift our focus.
Everybody knows that the earth circles around the sun astronomically; and yet, we take this position the sun circling around the earth astrologically; because it is more convenient to assume that we are at the center of the universe. Yet no one will argue about the fact that the earth is not the center but the sun is. Everybody knows that there are millions of other people have lived, living and will live with the same “I” concepts. And yet, the one “I” holding in this body, mind and emotion with “my” family, social, cultural backgrounds is too much important than any of the rest “I”. My finger cut, my stomach upset is more urgent than the one who got disfigured from bomb, the hunger of African children; because it is happening to the “I” not “you.” We can be so absurdly selfish and unreasonable, especially when we are lacking in perspective about life as a whole.
Why don’t we see more as “we” “us” “ours”? We need more warmth, acceptance and compassion in our heart if we were to nourish the various relationships in our life, not only with fellow human beings but with even animals and unanimous objects of nature like trees, plants or rocks. Then, much of our human conflicts, deceits, and other social crimes of the society; wastage, pollutions, and other numerous things we human do to cause environmental destructions, can be much less and under control. In turn, the earth will be a better living place for the generations to come, not just for “my” “my kids” time only…
How sad is that we can’t see the countless blessings our life has inherited? When God has created us human in His image, He never meant us to suffer but to enjoy the best of everything. It was our forgetfulness, narrow mindedness that has separated from our original divine nature to be otherwise; to act with hatred, to cause conspiracy, conflicts, arguments, back biting, etc. We need to turn around our awareness from “I” “you” to “we”, like Copernicus.’ He had discovered that the earth is round not flat like how his generation had believed. His precious discovery didn’t bring any minus to our life; instead it brought great advancement of modern science elevating the qualities of life beyond his generation’s comprehension. Shifting perception from where “I” “you” stance to where “we” stance can also bring us greater unity and collective happiness; to the land of utopia, to the Pure Land, to Enlightenment. That is the uniformed promise made in various spiritual scriptures.
So what do we do? Let’s choose to be happy and joyful. We choose to be open, generous and forgiving. Whether be good or bad, we choose not to be so excited or be miserable about. Then we can allow things, people, events of life come and go easily. Whatever happens to “I” become not so painful, disastrous or difficult; instead we can remember to relax with “this shall pass.” Whatever good things happen to “I”, we don’t become so afraid to loose or disappear; instead we could enjoy its fruits until it last. Fortunes and misfortunes, happiness and unhappiness fluctuate like seasons. Yet we can still enjoy each moments without reservation or fear. That is the joy of becoming like water so that we can experience our life flowing, growing each moment and look forward to be eventually united with the ocean. I, you, and we… really there are not much difference because your happiness is my happiness and our happiness, and vice versa. So let’s loose our grips on too personal themes; instead why not, learned to see, be united as “we” like one big community. Who knows what kinds of miracles it would bring?
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Story 11. Hold onto that dream, and never let it loose
As a child, many of us dreamt of becoming somebody important when we grow up; artists, musician, writer, professor, lawyer, doctor, scientist, businessman, politician or even president. Our parents held high expectation of us; we believed in them as young children. Each in its own, yet, we all had this tiny, seeds of heroism; wanting to become somebody who is larger than real life; longing for holism who can contribute something noble to others by doing charity and good deeds like Mother Teresa or Nelson Mandela.
However, as time went by, much of childhood dreams went wayside, conforming to the reality that will promise better job, financial security, family welfare or safer future. Dreams remained as dream while, time to time, we harbor over something is missing, incomplete, kinds of feeling in the occasional moments of emptiness from our ordinary life. Many bury the inner voice of doubt, the sense of dissatisfaction, deep down below the navel; to TV, alcohol, smoke, sports, sex, shopping, holidays, or quest for more money, fame, power, etc. Some others delve into a bit deeper; exploring self motivation courses, new age movements, spiritualism or religions. Still some others dare to go out to uncover the cause of fundamental discontentment; changing career or divorces in the middle age, going back to school after retirement, traveling the 3rd countries, migrating into different countries and cultures, or even renouncing into religious order or monastery.
And yet, rare are those who have found the true calling, the cause to dedicate their life to live the life of their dream and fulfillment, that which do not often directly equate with financial, material comforts and worldly success. Rare it might be, though, occasional glimpse of those people, who have found their inner voice and the ways to express it through their life, are the sparkling inspirations for the rest of us, to rekindle our much unsung dreams with hope. They are like the silver linings in our monotonous life to remind us the forgotten dream buried deep in our heart.
What was your dream? Are you what you dreamt of and content with how your life turned out be right now? Or are you still waiting for someday, someone or somewhere over the rainbow that will bring clearer answer, more happiness and meanings in your life? The sense of longing, the sound of echo from unfulfilled dream, thus, haunting us every now and then, I often wonder how other people can cope to live with it…that’s why I am writing my heart out; so that I might come to know what’s in other’s heart (a busy body myself..). By doing so, I only wish to relate with people better; to learn, to grow together.
As for me, I didn’t have any dream or ambition to become anything at all. My parents also didn’t expect much of me. I was a stubborn second daughter, neither smart like my elder sister nor sweet like my younger sister, but unhappy and aloof lot who was just left there in her own inner world, seldom mixing or playing with others. I didn’t know what I want or why I was unhappy. Not interested in schooling either, my grades were mediocre. Reading books and pouring out my heart in the diary was my only escapade. I was disinterested in anything else, getting bored easily in everything; a born pessimist, you could say.
One day, in my late teen, my elder sister bought an essay book written by a renowned poet, titled “whispering to the wind.” It was beautiful, delicate and emotional outcries of the author that she put onto talking to “someone out there,” not an actual person. It captured my own emotional frequency, my self-reflecting nature. There on, I embarked the journey of self discovery, the inner voice of someone calling me, to somewhere unknown world. I followed the movement of my mind, my emotion that fluctuated like wind with naïve expectation that it would be as beautiful as how the poet had described. But it wasn’t. The journey was not at all easy or pretty; instead, it was often frightening, dreary and lonely. I often resented the path but somehow couldn’t give it up. After decades of going round and round, I’ve found my voice and the way to express my being on which I’m still treading, by teaching and sharing knowledge, in a hope to help others find their inner voice and the ways to express; to be somebody they wanted to be, to contribute to their happiness. In turn, it doubles, triples my own happiness.
It was amazing when I recently came across with the same author’s books who had initiated me into the life journey of chasing dream. While I was following the direction where my wind pointed at and trying to live the very life she had idealized, she herself hadn’t moved at all, still talking about same wind, love, and longings, until her now-quite-advanced-age. I couldn’t comprehend how a sixty-plus-woman can still dream of love and longing instead of contemplating the wisdom and maturity of age. After years of writing and teaching, she hasn’t moved at all from where she was, whereas I have moved much distance and space through the inspiration she had instilled. I changed much since then. Most of all, I’ve learned to look forward to living in the present moment, with patience, discipline and compassion; not keep looking back to search for or wishing for what could have been. That was the wisdom I’ve acquired from the path she had shown me, but not she herself it seems had ever stepped out. Maybe she was a day-dreamer not a visionary…
Are you a day-dreamer or a visionary? The difference between vision and day dreaming is whether we put action on it or not in our inspiration right now. The action do not have to be huge or impressive like moving a mountain with super heroic strength; but one shovel by one shovel, doing a bit extra than what we can, what we are willing to do today. Its tiny efforts culminates, uplifting our spirit, generating more energy; in turn, inspiring us to live upto our own expectation of being “somebody” we wanted to be, living the life of our dream that is enjoyable, enchanting, enduring, enriching and enlightening in this very moment, not sometime in the future.
When our inspirations are not put into action, then it translate into day dreaming with lots of complains, dissatisfaction, unhappiness; wasting much of life energy and time with unnecessary worries, concerns and fears. That makes our spirit to sink down day by day, digressing and deteriorating our mentality to the most comfortable time frame that which is childhood. Haven’t you heard of old people behaving like little kids? How do we know we wouldn’t be like them? That’s scary even to imagine of it.
Once we let our dreams become a faint memory, haunting us with flat and lackluster daily life, the inner demons in us become stronger. It vibrates vacuum, hollow echoes, with the powerful needs to possess and control endlessly. They demand to fill in with more material possessions, all kinds of health and life insurances, and assurance from loved ones to stand by our sides forever, as though any life’s misfortune should never strike us but others. We become control freaks and liability to those around us. Life becomes suffering, not because we are going through a great deal of tragedy, but because, like how Thoreau puts it, we join those who are living lives of quiet desperation—unfulfilled, unhappy and uncertain of what to do. I certainly don’t want anyone that I know to end up there. Our life is too precious to squander away like that.
Why don’t you quiet down the voice of insecurity, fears and concerns, and go down deeper into your heart; you can find the forgotten little kid who once held so much hope and inspiration to be “somebody”, to live the life of dream, meanings and fulfillment. The “somebody” doesn’t have to be super famous or successful; but, of whom caring and sharing with the people around you of your gifts; of whom you can be proud and respect for the integrity, efforts, clarity s/he holds; of whom not looking back but forward to ever grow and expand life experience. What separated us from him/her? Just a small step of action to start the shoveling to make the dream to come true…
Do you need to be more confident first to pursue your dreams? Then, you can start from today, by doing the very things you are reluctant to do. Counting one breath in, one breath out, stretch right, left, front and back... When the body is healthy, in shape; when the breathing is even and smooth, confidence is just there for you to pick up. Do you want to be happier, calmer, and more serene? Then, settle down the monkey mind and watch your breaths or meditate regularly. The monkey transforms into the heroic Sun-Woo-Kung. Daily shoveling, daily tiny efforts, starting from today, will shorten the distance of our dream to be the reality that we could live one day in the near future. It is never too late to live the dream as long as we don’t let it loose from our fingers. We just need to be awakened in the present moment of self-reflection and action. All will be fine and dandy. That’s the gift of life, the ability to be self-aware to bring about changes, whenever we are ready, whenever we want to, and wherever we are…
However, as time went by, much of childhood dreams went wayside, conforming to the reality that will promise better job, financial security, family welfare or safer future. Dreams remained as dream while, time to time, we harbor over something is missing, incomplete, kinds of feeling in the occasional moments of emptiness from our ordinary life. Many bury the inner voice of doubt, the sense of dissatisfaction, deep down below the navel; to TV, alcohol, smoke, sports, sex, shopping, holidays, or quest for more money, fame, power, etc. Some others delve into a bit deeper; exploring self motivation courses, new age movements, spiritualism or religions. Still some others dare to go out to uncover the cause of fundamental discontentment; changing career or divorces in the middle age, going back to school after retirement, traveling the 3rd countries, migrating into different countries and cultures, or even renouncing into religious order or monastery.
And yet, rare are those who have found the true calling, the cause to dedicate their life to live the life of their dream and fulfillment, that which do not often directly equate with financial, material comforts and worldly success. Rare it might be, though, occasional glimpse of those people, who have found their inner voice and the ways to express it through their life, are the sparkling inspirations for the rest of us, to rekindle our much unsung dreams with hope. They are like the silver linings in our monotonous life to remind us the forgotten dream buried deep in our heart.
What was your dream? Are you what you dreamt of and content with how your life turned out be right now? Or are you still waiting for someday, someone or somewhere over the rainbow that will bring clearer answer, more happiness and meanings in your life? The sense of longing, the sound of echo from unfulfilled dream, thus, haunting us every now and then, I often wonder how other people can cope to live with it…that’s why I am writing my heart out; so that I might come to know what’s in other’s heart (a busy body myself..). By doing so, I only wish to relate with people better; to learn, to grow together.
As for me, I didn’t have any dream or ambition to become anything at all. My parents also didn’t expect much of me. I was a stubborn second daughter, neither smart like my elder sister nor sweet like my younger sister, but unhappy and aloof lot who was just left there in her own inner world, seldom mixing or playing with others. I didn’t know what I want or why I was unhappy. Not interested in schooling either, my grades were mediocre. Reading books and pouring out my heart in the diary was my only escapade. I was disinterested in anything else, getting bored easily in everything; a born pessimist, you could say.
One day, in my late teen, my elder sister bought an essay book written by a renowned poet, titled “whispering to the wind.” It was beautiful, delicate and emotional outcries of the author that she put onto talking to “someone out there,” not an actual person. It captured my own emotional frequency, my self-reflecting nature. There on, I embarked the journey of self discovery, the inner voice of someone calling me, to somewhere unknown world. I followed the movement of my mind, my emotion that fluctuated like wind with naïve expectation that it would be as beautiful as how the poet had described. But it wasn’t. The journey was not at all easy or pretty; instead, it was often frightening, dreary and lonely. I often resented the path but somehow couldn’t give it up. After decades of going round and round, I’ve found my voice and the way to express my being on which I’m still treading, by teaching and sharing knowledge, in a hope to help others find their inner voice and the ways to express; to be somebody they wanted to be, to contribute to their happiness. In turn, it doubles, triples my own happiness.
It was amazing when I recently came across with the same author’s books who had initiated me into the life journey of chasing dream. While I was following the direction where my wind pointed at and trying to live the very life she had idealized, she herself hadn’t moved at all, still talking about same wind, love, and longings, until her now-quite-advanced-age. I couldn’t comprehend how a sixty-plus-woman can still dream of love and longing instead of contemplating the wisdom and maturity of age. After years of writing and teaching, she hasn’t moved at all from where she was, whereas I have moved much distance and space through the inspiration she had instilled. I changed much since then. Most of all, I’ve learned to look forward to living in the present moment, with patience, discipline and compassion; not keep looking back to search for or wishing for what could have been. That was the wisdom I’ve acquired from the path she had shown me, but not she herself it seems had ever stepped out. Maybe she was a day-dreamer not a visionary…
Are you a day-dreamer or a visionary? The difference between vision and day dreaming is whether we put action on it or not in our inspiration right now. The action do not have to be huge or impressive like moving a mountain with super heroic strength; but one shovel by one shovel, doing a bit extra than what we can, what we are willing to do today. Its tiny efforts culminates, uplifting our spirit, generating more energy; in turn, inspiring us to live upto our own expectation of being “somebody” we wanted to be, living the life of our dream that is enjoyable, enchanting, enduring, enriching and enlightening in this very moment, not sometime in the future.
When our inspirations are not put into action, then it translate into day dreaming with lots of complains, dissatisfaction, unhappiness; wasting much of life energy and time with unnecessary worries, concerns and fears. That makes our spirit to sink down day by day, digressing and deteriorating our mentality to the most comfortable time frame that which is childhood. Haven’t you heard of old people behaving like little kids? How do we know we wouldn’t be like them? That’s scary even to imagine of it.
Once we let our dreams become a faint memory, haunting us with flat and lackluster daily life, the inner demons in us become stronger. It vibrates vacuum, hollow echoes, with the powerful needs to possess and control endlessly. They demand to fill in with more material possessions, all kinds of health and life insurances, and assurance from loved ones to stand by our sides forever, as though any life’s misfortune should never strike us but others. We become control freaks and liability to those around us. Life becomes suffering, not because we are going through a great deal of tragedy, but because, like how Thoreau puts it, we join those who are living lives of quiet desperation—unfulfilled, unhappy and uncertain of what to do. I certainly don’t want anyone that I know to end up there. Our life is too precious to squander away like that.
Why don’t you quiet down the voice of insecurity, fears and concerns, and go down deeper into your heart; you can find the forgotten little kid who once held so much hope and inspiration to be “somebody”, to live the life of dream, meanings and fulfillment. The “somebody” doesn’t have to be super famous or successful; but, of whom caring and sharing with the people around you of your gifts; of whom you can be proud and respect for the integrity, efforts, clarity s/he holds; of whom not looking back but forward to ever grow and expand life experience. What separated us from him/her? Just a small step of action to start the shoveling to make the dream to come true…
Do you need to be more confident first to pursue your dreams? Then, you can start from today, by doing the very things you are reluctant to do. Counting one breath in, one breath out, stretch right, left, front and back... When the body is healthy, in shape; when the breathing is even and smooth, confidence is just there for you to pick up. Do you want to be happier, calmer, and more serene? Then, settle down the monkey mind and watch your breaths or meditate regularly. The monkey transforms into the heroic Sun-Woo-Kung. Daily shoveling, daily tiny efforts, starting from today, will shorten the distance of our dream to be the reality that we could live one day in the near future. It is never too late to live the dream as long as we don’t let it loose from our fingers. We just need to be awakened in the present moment of self-reflection and action. All will be fine and dandy. That’s the gift of life, the ability to be self-aware to bring about changes, whenever we are ready, whenever we want to, and wherever we are…
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Story 10. Alexander the Great
“Beth, Beth!! The Datuk passed away!! We have to cancel the Monday Yoga class!”
“Huh?? What do you mean the Datuk passed away? I just saw him last Wednesday!”
“Yes! He had an accident in his trip last Saturday and passed away!”
“…Is it?? Huh…”
“The funeral will be held in his house. Are you coming?”
“Yes, of course, I will…”
I was still in the state of shock searching for words to answer her call. We exchanged some more information about how to go his place and how he died from the recent Harley Davison motor bike trip in Thailand before we hang up the phone. I couldn’t believe the news I just received and my head was boggling trying to process the sudden, unexpected blow. He was so full of life when he said a good bye to me after the company yoga class. He told me of his impending short trip but still would be able to attend next Monday class.
“See you, Beth!” He gave me his usual big smile before he went out to the door.
“Okay! Enjoy your bike trip!”
“Thanks!”
He looked very calm and settled after sweating from Yoga. He was one of the most enthusiastic and regular yoga students, better than any of his staffs, despite his busy schedule as the CEO of a listed company.
The next day, I found my way to visit his house in Damansara. Many of the familiar faces from the yoga classes were there. The spacious double storey corner house was already arranged into a funeral house, with canopies, flowers, tables and chairs inside and outside of the house. At the side of the main door leading to the living room, there was an alter set up. The deceased was in the casket, clad in his formal uniform that he wore when he got conferred to a Datukship few months back. Handsome, tall and well-built body, dark skin with his attractive double-lid eyes closed as though sleeping, he looked just like in the Savasana (the relaxation or the dead men pose) that we used to do at the end of each classe. At the side of table in the living hall, I saw the young widow wearing black and looking exhausted. I introduced myself to her paying my condolence.
“Oh, you are Beth, the yoga instructor?”
Her teary eyes got bigger in surprise as she heard my name.
“Yes, I am.”
She hugged me crying and said,
“Oh, I will never forget you. He told me the story of Alexander the Great you told him before. He mentioned about you many times and enjoying your class tremendously. Thank you so much for coming!”
“…!?”
She said some more things but I couldn’t remember what. I was feeling too sorry for her, especially seeing the four-year-old eldest boy who just looked like the father and the sleeping little baby in another lady’s arm. And worse, she was carrying another one… As I came out of the house, I heard people talking about his accident and the afterward episodes including “number” that came out in the first prize after matching the date, address, time, etc, in his tragic moments. Some were quick to gamble in other people’s tragedy. With bits of talks here and there, I learned more details of his tragedy.
He was a much athletic person enjoying variety of sports. He even had a Scuba diver’s coach license. Riding the Harley Davison Motor Bike was his new hobby and went to Thailand together with the club for the weekend get-away. While riding in the country side of Thailand, he somehow got left behind the row and nobody knew how he ended up in the drain and for how long. By the time the fellow bikers turned back and found him in that dire state, he was already half-conscious. Because it was a remote place with no modern facility available nearby, he had to be carried in a “Tuk-Tuk”, the three wheel carrier of Thailand to the nearest hospital, that which was miles away. He passed away caused by internal bleeding soon after they reached in the hospital. Just like that, away from home, family and his people…I heard he was reluctant to take the trip but changed his mind last minute…
I left the house soon after and came back another day, following until the mortuary. We laid roses on his casket before the cremation, saying our silent good bye to him. He had many, many friends, associates, relatives and visitors alike. He was a charismatic young leader who was popular among people. His radiant smile, still so vivid in my memory even after 5 years, I often wonder how he would have been if he were to still around. Would he have continued Yoga? Would he have learned to slow down, relax and enjoy more freedom?
He was 41 years old, a promising young president who was kind, witty, humble and caring. He preferred to be called by his name, not by his titles or formal addressing. I was invited to conduct the company yoga classes, twice a week, for one year. It was open for all their staffs in all ranks. He joined in also from the very first class. He looked like in close relationship with his staffs without pretension. They were easy to him also. He was constantly cracking jokes making us laugh. But his body was telling me otherwise. It was very tight with laboring breaths. He was having difficulty in relaxing his muscles all around the body especially the chest, grunting every time he had to turn or bend. As time went by, I noticed him becoming more inward taking the back seat instead of the front as he used to be. One day, he wanted to talk with me after the class.
He wanted me to show him how to breathe and asked why he was feeling so difficult to follow the breathing I was directing. I pointed at his chest that was hard and frozen with barely any movement as he breathes. He considered himself a good breather by the training from scuba diving. No, he was using his will power to control the breathing, not necessarily by good breathing habits. Natural breathing is relaxing, calming and rejuvenating. It will free any tension in the body, not accumulating. His breathing muscles—intercostals and diaphragm, were not engaged at all when he breathes. He was breathing mostly from his upper chest through the mouth, not even nose. I put my hands on his chest and back guiding his breathing to be more natural and open, to breathe slower and deeper, not trying to control but to let go by trusting our body’s wisdom to maintain its homeostatic balance at all times once given the chances.
After another few “grunt, grunt, grunt…” he was finally able to follow my hands’ movement with his breathing. He felt much better after few minutes. Then he told me that he hardly sleeps at night. For the last ten years, he seldom slept for more than 5 hours a day busy running around for business and various social engagements. Understandable considering where he is right now in such a young age. He rose from the bottom to the top all through his own efforts, not by inheritance or other supports. Then, I told him the story of “Alexander the Great.”
Alexander the Great had a great ambition to conquer the world which he succeeded only half of it before he fell sick in a battlefield one day. After being unconscious from a high fever for more than a week, he saw the sunken bed in his body sized mark when he woke up. He sighed and said, “all the space I need to lay my body is just that much, and yet, I am rampaging around land to land trying to conquer the whole world…” It seems he never made it through the sickness, dying in a battlefield at the prime age of 33 accomplishing only half of what he sought for in the expense of so much sacrifices, wars and destructions including his own life.
So why do you have to rush, I asked him. What do you think you will have at the end? You are missing out a lot, not only your family, even your own health. It seems it triggered something in him. That night, he told his wife the story also. He seldom missed the yoga class ever since. But maybe it was a bit too late…
Many people do not have a perspective about life as a whole, lacking in direction but driven solely by desires or pressures, they blindly rush through life. They often forget what is important, what is more valuable in life. Life is more than just getting things done or becoming successful by the measurement of what others say, approve or how medias describe. Whatever we want to have or need to become outside of us is secondary to how we relate with ourselves within. Career, fame, money, power, social recognition, prize worthy spouse and children, or even spiritual achievements, etc…they are all part of life, not everything. If you don’t have time to enjoy the fruits of your labor, what’s the point running around to get those in the first place? If your heart is always in the state of fear, worry, anxiety; your mind is under constant stress and pressure; your body is tensed and suffering from various health problems; then what’s the point of living? We can’t keep measuring our worth and success in relation with others; the heart can never be in peace. If the heart is not content, no matter how much we accumulate or socially successful we become, we will never feel good enough. Following the calls of desires is like trying to put off fire with oil. The fire gets bigger every time. In no time, we will get burn. There will be always nicer things to have, more and more things to do, and less and less time to enjoy.
Let’s live one day at a time, enjoying what we have now and appreciating who we are today. You don’t have to reserve your happiness until someday or retirement day. Tomorrow will take care of itself. We live today in our best, tomorrow will be another day that you can do your best, and then, another day, another day…then, you can see how successful you already are today. Tomorrow will be another successful day for you! Stretch your arms, open your chest, stretch your muscles, do the breathing…flexible body, flexible mind uplift our spirit to share the gifts of life with our loved ones to the fullest today not tomorrow because tomorrow may never come or too late…I believe our beloved young Datuk rest in peace…
“Huh?? What do you mean the Datuk passed away? I just saw him last Wednesday!”
“Yes! He had an accident in his trip last Saturday and passed away!”
“…Is it?? Huh…”
“The funeral will be held in his house. Are you coming?”
“Yes, of course, I will…”
I was still in the state of shock searching for words to answer her call. We exchanged some more information about how to go his place and how he died from the recent Harley Davison motor bike trip in Thailand before we hang up the phone. I couldn’t believe the news I just received and my head was boggling trying to process the sudden, unexpected blow. He was so full of life when he said a good bye to me after the company yoga class. He told me of his impending short trip but still would be able to attend next Monday class.
“See you, Beth!” He gave me his usual big smile before he went out to the door.
“Okay! Enjoy your bike trip!”
“Thanks!”
He looked very calm and settled after sweating from Yoga. He was one of the most enthusiastic and regular yoga students, better than any of his staffs, despite his busy schedule as the CEO of a listed company.
The next day, I found my way to visit his house in Damansara. Many of the familiar faces from the yoga classes were there. The spacious double storey corner house was already arranged into a funeral house, with canopies, flowers, tables and chairs inside and outside of the house. At the side of the main door leading to the living room, there was an alter set up. The deceased was in the casket, clad in his formal uniform that he wore when he got conferred to a Datukship few months back. Handsome, tall and well-built body, dark skin with his attractive double-lid eyes closed as though sleeping, he looked just like in the Savasana (the relaxation or the dead men pose) that we used to do at the end of each classe. At the side of table in the living hall, I saw the young widow wearing black and looking exhausted. I introduced myself to her paying my condolence.
“Oh, you are Beth, the yoga instructor?”
Her teary eyes got bigger in surprise as she heard my name.
“Yes, I am.”
She hugged me crying and said,
“Oh, I will never forget you. He told me the story of Alexander the Great you told him before. He mentioned about you many times and enjoying your class tremendously. Thank you so much for coming!”
“…!?”
She said some more things but I couldn’t remember what. I was feeling too sorry for her, especially seeing the four-year-old eldest boy who just looked like the father and the sleeping little baby in another lady’s arm. And worse, she was carrying another one… As I came out of the house, I heard people talking about his accident and the afterward episodes including “number” that came out in the first prize after matching the date, address, time, etc, in his tragic moments. Some were quick to gamble in other people’s tragedy. With bits of talks here and there, I learned more details of his tragedy.
He was a much athletic person enjoying variety of sports. He even had a Scuba diver’s coach license. Riding the Harley Davison Motor Bike was his new hobby and went to Thailand together with the club for the weekend get-away. While riding in the country side of Thailand, he somehow got left behind the row and nobody knew how he ended up in the drain and for how long. By the time the fellow bikers turned back and found him in that dire state, he was already half-conscious. Because it was a remote place with no modern facility available nearby, he had to be carried in a “Tuk-Tuk”, the three wheel carrier of Thailand to the nearest hospital, that which was miles away. He passed away caused by internal bleeding soon after they reached in the hospital. Just like that, away from home, family and his people…I heard he was reluctant to take the trip but changed his mind last minute…
I left the house soon after and came back another day, following until the mortuary. We laid roses on his casket before the cremation, saying our silent good bye to him. He had many, many friends, associates, relatives and visitors alike. He was a charismatic young leader who was popular among people. His radiant smile, still so vivid in my memory even after 5 years, I often wonder how he would have been if he were to still around. Would he have continued Yoga? Would he have learned to slow down, relax and enjoy more freedom?
He was 41 years old, a promising young president who was kind, witty, humble and caring. He preferred to be called by his name, not by his titles or formal addressing. I was invited to conduct the company yoga classes, twice a week, for one year. It was open for all their staffs in all ranks. He joined in also from the very first class. He looked like in close relationship with his staffs without pretension. They were easy to him also. He was constantly cracking jokes making us laugh. But his body was telling me otherwise. It was very tight with laboring breaths. He was having difficulty in relaxing his muscles all around the body especially the chest, grunting every time he had to turn or bend. As time went by, I noticed him becoming more inward taking the back seat instead of the front as he used to be. One day, he wanted to talk with me after the class.
He wanted me to show him how to breathe and asked why he was feeling so difficult to follow the breathing I was directing. I pointed at his chest that was hard and frozen with barely any movement as he breathes. He considered himself a good breather by the training from scuba diving. No, he was using his will power to control the breathing, not necessarily by good breathing habits. Natural breathing is relaxing, calming and rejuvenating. It will free any tension in the body, not accumulating. His breathing muscles—intercostals and diaphragm, were not engaged at all when he breathes. He was breathing mostly from his upper chest through the mouth, not even nose. I put my hands on his chest and back guiding his breathing to be more natural and open, to breathe slower and deeper, not trying to control but to let go by trusting our body’s wisdom to maintain its homeostatic balance at all times once given the chances.
After another few “grunt, grunt, grunt…” he was finally able to follow my hands’ movement with his breathing. He felt much better after few minutes. Then he told me that he hardly sleeps at night. For the last ten years, he seldom slept for more than 5 hours a day busy running around for business and various social engagements. Understandable considering where he is right now in such a young age. He rose from the bottom to the top all through his own efforts, not by inheritance or other supports. Then, I told him the story of “Alexander the Great.”
Alexander the Great had a great ambition to conquer the world which he succeeded only half of it before he fell sick in a battlefield one day. After being unconscious from a high fever for more than a week, he saw the sunken bed in his body sized mark when he woke up. He sighed and said, “all the space I need to lay my body is just that much, and yet, I am rampaging around land to land trying to conquer the whole world…” It seems he never made it through the sickness, dying in a battlefield at the prime age of 33 accomplishing only half of what he sought for in the expense of so much sacrifices, wars and destructions including his own life.
So why do you have to rush, I asked him. What do you think you will have at the end? You are missing out a lot, not only your family, even your own health. It seems it triggered something in him. That night, he told his wife the story also. He seldom missed the yoga class ever since. But maybe it was a bit too late…
Many people do not have a perspective about life as a whole, lacking in direction but driven solely by desires or pressures, they blindly rush through life. They often forget what is important, what is more valuable in life. Life is more than just getting things done or becoming successful by the measurement of what others say, approve or how medias describe. Whatever we want to have or need to become outside of us is secondary to how we relate with ourselves within. Career, fame, money, power, social recognition, prize worthy spouse and children, or even spiritual achievements, etc…they are all part of life, not everything. If you don’t have time to enjoy the fruits of your labor, what’s the point running around to get those in the first place? If your heart is always in the state of fear, worry, anxiety; your mind is under constant stress and pressure; your body is tensed and suffering from various health problems; then what’s the point of living? We can’t keep measuring our worth and success in relation with others; the heart can never be in peace. If the heart is not content, no matter how much we accumulate or socially successful we become, we will never feel good enough. Following the calls of desires is like trying to put off fire with oil. The fire gets bigger every time. In no time, we will get burn. There will be always nicer things to have, more and more things to do, and less and less time to enjoy.
Let’s live one day at a time, enjoying what we have now and appreciating who we are today. You don’t have to reserve your happiness until someday or retirement day. Tomorrow will take care of itself. We live today in our best, tomorrow will be another day that you can do your best, and then, another day, another day…then, you can see how successful you already are today. Tomorrow will be another successful day for you! Stretch your arms, open your chest, stretch your muscles, do the breathing…flexible body, flexible mind uplift our spirit to share the gifts of life with our loved ones to the fullest today not tomorrow because tomorrow may never come or too late…I believe our beloved young Datuk rest in peace…
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Story 9. Others cry out, I cry in
For long time, ever since I left my home country Korea, I haven’t seen any dramas or follow their latest news and social trends. Then, one time, my yoga girls kept asking me whether I watched the “winter sonata.” “No. I haven’t.” Another time, they were asking “Ta-Chang-Jin.” “No, I don’t know…” Well, I’d got to solve that problem; I should know what they are talking about, at least to be on the same conversational level. So I borrowed the CD sets.
I didn’t finish the “winter sonata.” A touching love story but it was too dragging. So I watched the first few, the middle and the end episodes. It was enough to capture the whole story. The “Ta-Chang-Jin” ?? Oh, I finished the whole series from the beginning till the end because it was not just a love story but was an inspiring human example of how woman triumphed her destiny against all odds, obstacles and tragedy, beside showing lots of cultural culinary and the use of Chinese Medicine (my hubby’s expertise).
Since then, the Korean movies and artists are sweeping the world especially in the South East Asia by the storm. But I don’t watch them. Firstly, my brain will turn into “Konglish” pattern that it interrupts my communication ability in English. Secondly, why so many heroes and heroines must die with fatal diseases or accidents? Thirdly, I can’t tune my emotional wave length to the complicated love triangles in the boys-meet-girls, girls-meet-boys stories. Maybe already outdated myself… Much worse, I can’t cry in front of TV, engaged in the soap dramas, I can’t squeeze out my tears no matter how hard I try. Well, call me a cold hearted woman but I still can’t cry with a melodrama.
That doesn’t mean I don’t have emotion or cruel. In fact, I am one of the most emotionally sensitive women you can come across. I cry inside. I get affected easily in our real human relationships not in a factual drama life. I was born with a hyper sensitivity like my mother who was a master in nagging with all kinds of self-conjured up emotional reaction. Mine is a bit more refined than hers by the virtue of education and self-cultivation. But certainly my sharp sixth sense is an enormous burden to me. Whether it is a liability or asset I am not quite sure. I always had this pain in the chest easily troubling my sleep for days, churning the head, and repeating neurotic self-criticism on and on whenever I am embroiled in emotional conflicts regarding someone, something.
A platonic lover, a naïve believer in human’s selfless nature, I fall in love easily just to fall out of it as fast. I get moved easily to the kindness, caring interests, and sincerity from others just to get disappointed soon after. Because it always came with the conditions that are attached to it. If I give, then, you have to give to me; if l like, love you, you also have to love me... Slowly I have learned everyone is functioning from the level of self-interest and self-preservation. The more insecure the person is inside, the thicker and harder to break open their hearts. It broke my heart many times, to learn of what they say is different than what they have in mind. I learned the harsh truth in harsh ways; I fully trusted what people said, promised by the words, not the real intention behind the words. I would lose my sleep for days, whenever it turns out it was not. Not many were willing to let go of even tiny bits of self interests to keep up their words. That made me crying in, putting a sharp knife in my heart every time. But I still couldn’t change myself. I grew up seeing my parents keeping their words and actions exactly how they would say would do, so I naturally followed that pattern. They never had cheated or harsh on others, so I couldn’t also, even it costed me much mentally, emotionally as well as financially.
Then what did I do, especially when I got so upset, sad, fired up in my heart and head? I learned to turn the other way around. I learned meditation. I learned to tender my delicate emotional nature not by crying out, but by self reflecting, by stopping and contemplating to understand the human nature and life. Gradually I could leave some room for “otherwise” in interacting with people. Slowly I could understand why people are sometimes behaving otherwise despite their initial good intention, our fundamentally pure nature.
What makes freaks, cheats, criminals, thefts, crooks, and manias alike in the way they are despite their original pure nature just as we are? Circumstances, ignorance, insecurity, fear, misunderstanding and short sightedness … We are afraid that we might not have enough for our own, would get denied our rightful place and share in this game of life if we don’t keep vigilant. We get shaken and jealous easily because we translate other’s success as our minus.
In Buddhist term, there is “dependent origination,” meaning we all are connected to each other, whatever one thinks or does affecting one another, the entire universe, whether we might be aware or not. Life will go on as long as this universe is held in place, everybody having enough space and share in the meticulous web of cosmic matrix that our creator has designed. There is also the Biblical story that Jesus had exhibited how one piece of bread was enough to share among all the people of Jerusalem. Each religion assures the universal truth of abundance and protection for our life, but we lack in faith to trust that. That is ignorance, the cause of our much unhappiness, insecurity, suffering, misery, conflicts, and thereby many are lost in darkness, crying out, rather than living in joy, in bliss, that which is our birthright.
By realizing the birthright can we only be free ourselves; functioning from our inborn good nature; not accumulating, expecting or possessing more from our material worlds that which will be never enough. We all were born with the promise of supreme happiness, and yet we don’t know how to enjoy that. Go and dig out your old album to see the picture of your baby time. How innocent and sweet, fully trusting and blissful, were you? Somewhere along the way, we bought into other people’s remarks, insecure and insincere words about how people and life are, and we believed in them without testing with our own inner wisdom bestowed by the Nature. We also became insecure, fearful, clinging, needy, greedy, distrustful… That is what they call “conditioned reality” in Buddhist term.
Our real nature is neither the ugly, unstable emotional reaction nor the lost, abandoned inner child, but “emptiness” “pure brightness” that could become anything we can make it to be, never losing its original nature of abundance and purity. We don’t have to be so fanatical, possessive, but let it loose; let it relax a bit into the rhythm of life with faith and surrender. Then we can see why someone is behaving in certain way despite their intention. That is “compassion,” that is “love” that which binds us in humanity to share and rejoice together.
Through years of meditative practices, I haven’t seen any gods, goddesses or other celestials in my vision; but I have seen that true self of each person, including myself, always trying to do our best but succumbing to the circumstances occasionally making mistakes, fall, misunderstand… but given some time, they always come back… because we crave for goodness, betterment, togetherness, acceptance, compassion and love… If you have that, if I have that, no matter how much sometimes the other person causes pain in your heart, tearing apart your trust and affection, you can still tolerate and be able to wait until the tides can turn around… Let’s not be afraid to love and be hyper sensitive to others’ need, at the same time, let’s not expect the same would return from the same person. What goes around comes around. We will have our share and time.
I love people, life very much, but I can’t say, I can’t express freely now, especially by crying out. As I know how limited my perception, interpretation can be by the limited conditions my being carries. I wouldn’t know how dusty my inner mirror can be. So everyday, I breathe in, breathe out, and pausing in between. Then, somehow I can manage better. I still toss and turn, losing my sleep easily whenever I feel hurt by someone, something. Instead of turning my frustration, disappointment toward them, I would breathe in, breathe out, and waiting, waiting, waiting… until it can turn around the tides by itself. Enormous patience and discipline…by learning that I only could temper my hyper sensitive nature for better use; expanding awareness to embrace, to understand others better. It no longer matters how others are behaving. I don’t have to limit the space around others. I myself still can strive to be a better human being to expand my own space limitlessly. Then it seems life gets along just fine. That is why I can’t cry out, as there is not much I see it as greater sadness than seeing somebody forgetting his/her true nature of goodness, holiness…
I didn’t finish the “winter sonata.” A touching love story but it was too dragging. So I watched the first few, the middle and the end episodes. It was enough to capture the whole story. The “Ta-Chang-Jin” ?? Oh, I finished the whole series from the beginning till the end because it was not just a love story but was an inspiring human example of how woman triumphed her destiny against all odds, obstacles and tragedy, beside showing lots of cultural culinary and the use of Chinese Medicine (my hubby’s expertise).
Since then, the Korean movies and artists are sweeping the world especially in the South East Asia by the storm. But I don’t watch them. Firstly, my brain will turn into “Konglish” pattern that it interrupts my communication ability in English. Secondly, why so many heroes and heroines must die with fatal diseases or accidents? Thirdly, I can’t tune my emotional wave length to the complicated love triangles in the boys-meet-girls, girls-meet-boys stories. Maybe already outdated myself… Much worse, I can’t cry in front of TV, engaged in the soap dramas, I can’t squeeze out my tears no matter how hard I try. Well, call me a cold hearted woman but I still can’t cry with a melodrama.
That doesn’t mean I don’t have emotion or cruel. In fact, I am one of the most emotionally sensitive women you can come across. I cry inside. I get affected easily in our real human relationships not in a factual drama life. I was born with a hyper sensitivity like my mother who was a master in nagging with all kinds of self-conjured up emotional reaction. Mine is a bit more refined than hers by the virtue of education and self-cultivation. But certainly my sharp sixth sense is an enormous burden to me. Whether it is a liability or asset I am not quite sure. I always had this pain in the chest easily troubling my sleep for days, churning the head, and repeating neurotic self-criticism on and on whenever I am embroiled in emotional conflicts regarding someone, something.
A platonic lover, a naïve believer in human’s selfless nature, I fall in love easily just to fall out of it as fast. I get moved easily to the kindness, caring interests, and sincerity from others just to get disappointed soon after. Because it always came with the conditions that are attached to it. If I give, then, you have to give to me; if l like, love you, you also have to love me... Slowly I have learned everyone is functioning from the level of self-interest and self-preservation. The more insecure the person is inside, the thicker and harder to break open their hearts. It broke my heart many times, to learn of what they say is different than what they have in mind. I learned the harsh truth in harsh ways; I fully trusted what people said, promised by the words, not the real intention behind the words. I would lose my sleep for days, whenever it turns out it was not. Not many were willing to let go of even tiny bits of self interests to keep up their words. That made me crying in, putting a sharp knife in my heart every time. But I still couldn’t change myself. I grew up seeing my parents keeping their words and actions exactly how they would say would do, so I naturally followed that pattern. They never had cheated or harsh on others, so I couldn’t also, even it costed me much mentally, emotionally as well as financially.
Then what did I do, especially when I got so upset, sad, fired up in my heart and head? I learned to turn the other way around. I learned meditation. I learned to tender my delicate emotional nature not by crying out, but by self reflecting, by stopping and contemplating to understand the human nature and life. Gradually I could leave some room for “otherwise” in interacting with people. Slowly I could understand why people are sometimes behaving otherwise despite their initial good intention, our fundamentally pure nature.
What makes freaks, cheats, criminals, thefts, crooks, and manias alike in the way they are despite their original pure nature just as we are? Circumstances, ignorance, insecurity, fear, misunderstanding and short sightedness … We are afraid that we might not have enough for our own, would get denied our rightful place and share in this game of life if we don’t keep vigilant. We get shaken and jealous easily because we translate other’s success as our minus.
In Buddhist term, there is “dependent origination,” meaning we all are connected to each other, whatever one thinks or does affecting one another, the entire universe, whether we might be aware or not. Life will go on as long as this universe is held in place, everybody having enough space and share in the meticulous web of cosmic matrix that our creator has designed. There is also the Biblical story that Jesus had exhibited how one piece of bread was enough to share among all the people of Jerusalem. Each religion assures the universal truth of abundance and protection for our life, but we lack in faith to trust that. That is ignorance, the cause of our much unhappiness, insecurity, suffering, misery, conflicts, and thereby many are lost in darkness, crying out, rather than living in joy, in bliss, that which is our birthright.
By realizing the birthright can we only be free ourselves; functioning from our inborn good nature; not accumulating, expecting or possessing more from our material worlds that which will be never enough. We all were born with the promise of supreme happiness, and yet we don’t know how to enjoy that. Go and dig out your old album to see the picture of your baby time. How innocent and sweet, fully trusting and blissful, were you? Somewhere along the way, we bought into other people’s remarks, insecure and insincere words about how people and life are, and we believed in them without testing with our own inner wisdom bestowed by the Nature. We also became insecure, fearful, clinging, needy, greedy, distrustful… That is what they call “conditioned reality” in Buddhist term.
Our real nature is neither the ugly, unstable emotional reaction nor the lost, abandoned inner child, but “emptiness” “pure brightness” that could become anything we can make it to be, never losing its original nature of abundance and purity. We don’t have to be so fanatical, possessive, but let it loose; let it relax a bit into the rhythm of life with faith and surrender. Then we can see why someone is behaving in certain way despite their intention. That is “compassion,” that is “love” that which binds us in humanity to share and rejoice together.
Through years of meditative practices, I haven’t seen any gods, goddesses or other celestials in my vision; but I have seen that true self of each person, including myself, always trying to do our best but succumbing to the circumstances occasionally making mistakes, fall, misunderstand… but given some time, they always come back… because we crave for goodness, betterment, togetherness, acceptance, compassion and love… If you have that, if I have that, no matter how much sometimes the other person causes pain in your heart, tearing apart your trust and affection, you can still tolerate and be able to wait until the tides can turn around… Let’s not be afraid to love and be hyper sensitive to others’ need, at the same time, let’s not expect the same would return from the same person. What goes around comes around. We will have our share and time.
I love people, life very much, but I can’t say, I can’t express freely now, especially by crying out. As I know how limited my perception, interpretation can be by the limited conditions my being carries. I wouldn’t know how dusty my inner mirror can be. So everyday, I breathe in, breathe out, and pausing in between. Then, somehow I can manage better. I still toss and turn, losing my sleep easily whenever I feel hurt by someone, something. Instead of turning my frustration, disappointment toward them, I would breathe in, breathe out, and waiting, waiting, waiting… until it can turn around the tides by itself. Enormous patience and discipline…by learning that I only could temper my hyper sensitive nature for better use; expanding awareness to embrace, to understand others better. It no longer matters how others are behaving. I don’t have to limit the space around others. I myself still can strive to be a better human being to expand my own space limitlessly. Then it seems life gets along just fine. That is why I can’t cry out, as there is not much I see it as greater sadness than seeing somebody forgetting his/her true nature of goodness, holiness…
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Story 8. The beautiful sky, the beautiful breath
There are two best friends that I treasure the most throughout life, the sky and the breath.
They have been by my side all the time through various stages in life, never leaving me alone, while others have. Many people came and left leaving me different impressions and memories in different lands, in different times. However, the same sky and the same breath were always there for me to reach, to relish my dreamy longing whenever I needed. They are two of my good friends, of which I want you to become close also to bring about your happiness, your well-being, joy, harmony and balance in life.
I always loved looking at the sky. It runs my imagination in a dream like fantasy whenever look into that far away, glittering horizon up there. I can draw various shapes and pictures of my liking with the white clouds that are floating here and there. Sometime it looks like a staircase leading to the heaven, sometime like the image of God reaching out His hands from the famous Michelangelo’s drawing. I especially love the early morning sky, because I can look straight into the rising sun without having to squint my eyebrows. But the evening sky is just as awesome; you see birds flying in such magnificent orderliness and harmony across the sky that it is breathtaking.
The vast sky; sometimes so clear and deep blue, like the sea from my hometown, it gives me such indescribable sense of peace, belonging and wonder. Sometimes it’s dark and gray, with rain clouds hanging over and thunder coming down anytime; then, I have to run to the windows before the rooms get flooded or collect laundries before it get wet in rain water. I will sit by the window, watching the raindrops soaking houses, trees, roads, cars… it washes away all the dirt, impurities, worries, and concern to be reborn in its intrinsic beauty, purity and cleanness. The whole world once again becomes so fresh and anew like new beginning; so is our heart. In times of distress, one can find such solace, especially after heavy downpour, that it uplifts our spirit once more with surging energy. We can face our ordinary life with fresh enthusiasm and the blue sky like clarity. Life seems much easier when our awareness is expanded.
The sky has been always the place for me to return and compose my spirit whether be happy or unhappy. The vastly open space above brings me closer to the center of my being, my heart that I seldom feel boredom or the need to occupy with any kinds of sound or company. Lie down in the Savasana (the relaxation pose) and I would imagine myself floating in the clouds. I can feel myself merging into the infinite space within me, so tiny yet so huge space holding our spirit…my heart just swells with gratitude of life, of people, of nature. The spirit becomes full and free whenever I look up to the sky. It soars high without knowing its boundary. I could just fly if I could…
Another my best friend is the breath, the beautiful breath with its gentle, yet powerful rhythms, flowing in eternity throughout our life; it nourishes every cells in our body, in every corners of the mind and the spirit. It is very powerful, extraordinary, and yet surprisingly simple to uncover its delicate veil that showers us with bountiful love and blessing from beyond. We are connected with people, with the nature, with the whole universe through the beautiful breath.
All you needed to do to meet her is just to turn around within. You can see the breath that which is always within the reach. Its mysterious power, its grace, never leaves us from our first breath till the moment we die. And yet, it is so easy to forget or take it for granted that we seldom appreciate its perpetual current sustaining our life in such perfect harmony. Instead we get caught up in our petty daily concerns, in our numerous desires, cravings and insecurities, that we often feel miserable in life. We halt breath gasping for more air all the time. In turn many become either short breathers or hyper ventilators. They will keep inhale whenever reminded of breathing, thinking that taking in more air will solve their breathing shortage. Actually the real problem is not knowing that breathing has four parts; inhale, pause, exhale, pause, and taking enough time in each parts. We can’t keep breathing in. We have to exhale as well; finish the exhale first before you take in another one; don’t forget to take a break in between, pause; so that our system can maintain its equilibrium for the homeostatic balance; to make us feel better, healthier and happier. That’s the secret of any breathing techniques you can come across elsewhere; yoga, martial arts, or any other various body-works. Breathing itself is very simple but they make it complicated or sound difficult by adding too much spices of how to do.
The sole purpose of breathing is to exchange gas with atmosphere; we breathe in oxygen that which comes from the plants, in turn, we breathe out carbon dioxide for the plants to take.
Breathe in, breathe out… the interaction between us and nature goes on as long as we are alive. Breathe in, breath out… consciously turn your awareness in between, the pause, whenever you can, whenever you remember. Any posture will do, walking, standing, seating or lying down. Where the breathing actually happens, the chest or the tummy, doesn’t really matter because, in truth, we are breathing with our whole body. Every cells in our body needs oxygen to stay alive and need to remove its waste, carbon dioxide. We are breathing with the whole body. Sometimes your chest, sometimes your tummy, or sometimes even your fingers and toes… they are all breathing together.
Just turn your attention within, whenever you can, wherever you are. Notice its rhythm, feelings, temperature, without trying to control or change. Just simply notice. They change all the time, but it is always there. Sometimes fast or short, sometimes slow or long; however it changes, it is always there, never leaving us even a moment. Naturally your mind soon will wander, in a few minutes, like the floating clouds in the sky, thereby distracting your attention away from the breaths. It doesn’t matter. The thoughts, sensations, noises, etc…they are always there. The sky is still there; so is your breath. It will pass if you don’t pay attention. Keep come back to the ever present breath within you. Soon you will notice your breath becoming smooth and soft, almost disappearing; in turn, your body relaxes, your mind settles down; and then, it becomes the beautiful breath, the sweetest and the most graceful thing it ever can be. You are taming the wild horse into your liking, to be docile; enjoying its ride, stroll or run at your will. You can even meet your God in that junction of the beautiful breath.
For long, I held certain image of God; tall and handsome, with a white beard, a white clothes and with stern but compassionate smile. But when I actually met Him, He wasn’t what I had imagined at all. At first, He came in times of the greatest pain, that I couldn’t care any more, I just entrusted myself into the pain & kept breathing in, breathing out…then like a magic, I saw Him! It was amazing! I tried another time, with more painful experiences. Then He didn’t come. Instead, He came again, while I got engrossed in the Yoga classes with you, while teaching you how to breathe. I saw the sparks of inspiration from your eyes, all shining and glowing…!! Then I realized God has been living within us, within our breath, all this time, while we busy ourselves looking for Him elsewhere, with different expectations, sometimes with ridiculous demands to grant this and that, as though bargaining with Him…
In times of anguish, in times of great anger or frustration, you don’t have to wait for Him to rescue; you just finish Five breathings; slowly inhale, pause, then, finish the exhale in a long stretch, then pause… breathing in again… you will feel better in no time. It seems so much easier to accept life just as it is, no more or no less, just this much, then, it feels good enough. It no longer matters how life presents itself; sometimes good, sometimes difficult or challenging. It will go through its own motion according to its own rhythm and time, just like our breathing. And yet, there are always abundance of love, understanding, patience, gratitude and compassion within your reach as long as you don’t forget to breathe. It is the grace of God, the blessing, to live so near with our beautiful breath. Go to your window side, come closer with the sky and open the window; feel the breeze, feel your chest expanding and your tummy tinkling as you breathe in, breathe out…For me, that is the way I live close with my God…
They have been by my side all the time through various stages in life, never leaving me alone, while others have. Many people came and left leaving me different impressions and memories in different lands, in different times. However, the same sky and the same breath were always there for me to reach, to relish my dreamy longing whenever I needed. They are two of my good friends, of which I want you to become close also to bring about your happiness, your well-being, joy, harmony and balance in life.
I always loved looking at the sky. It runs my imagination in a dream like fantasy whenever look into that far away, glittering horizon up there. I can draw various shapes and pictures of my liking with the white clouds that are floating here and there. Sometime it looks like a staircase leading to the heaven, sometime like the image of God reaching out His hands from the famous Michelangelo’s drawing. I especially love the early morning sky, because I can look straight into the rising sun without having to squint my eyebrows. But the evening sky is just as awesome; you see birds flying in such magnificent orderliness and harmony across the sky that it is breathtaking.
The vast sky; sometimes so clear and deep blue, like the sea from my hometown, it gives me such indescribable sense of peace, belonging and wonder. Sometimes it’s dark and gray, with rain clouds hanging over and thunder coming down anytime; then, I have to run to the windows before the rooms get flooded or collect laundries before it get wet in rain water. I will sit by the window, watching the raindrops soaking houses, trees, roads, cars… it washes away all the dirt, impurities, worries, and concern to be reborn in its intrinsic beauty, purity and cleanness. The whole world once again becomes so fresh and anew like new beginning; so is our heart. In times of distress, one can find such solace, especially after heavy downpour, that it uplifts our spirit once more with surging energy. We can face our ordinary life with fresh enthusiasm and the blue sky like clarity. Life seems much easier when our awareness is expanded.
The sky has been always the place for me to return and compose my spirit whether be happy or unhappy. The vastly open space above brings me closer to the center of my being, my heart that I seldom feel boredom or the need to occupy with any kinds of sound or company. Lie down in the Savasana (the relaxation pose) and I would imagine myself floating in the clouds. I can feel myself merging into the infinite space within me, so tiny yet so huge space holding our spirit…my heart just swells with gratitude of life, of people, of nature. The spirit becomes full and free whenever I look up to the sky. It soars high without knowing its boundary. I could just fly if I could…
Another my best friend is the breath, the beautiful breath with its gentle, yet powerful rhythms, flowing in eternity throughout our life; it nourishes every cells in our body, in every corners of the mind and the spirit. It is very powerful, extraordinary, and yet surprisingly simple to uncover its delicate veil that showers us with bountiful love and blessing from beyond. We are connected with people, with the nature, with the whole universe through the beautiful breath.
All you needed to do to meet her is just to turn around within. You can see the breath that which is always within the reach. Its mysterious power, its grace, never leaves us from our first breath till the moment we die. And yet, it is so easy to forget or take it for granted that we seldom appreciate its perpetual current sustaining our life in such perfect harmony. Instead we get caught up in our petty daily concerns, in our numerous desires, cravings and insecurities, that we often feel miserable in life. We halt breath gasping for more air all the time. In turn many become either short breathers or hyper ventilators. They will keep inhale whenever reminded of breathing, thinking that taking in more air will solve their breathing shortage. Actually the real problem is not knowing that breathing has four parts; inhale, pause, exhale, pause, and taking enough time in each parts. We can’t keep breathing in. We have to exhale as well; finish the exhale first before you take in another one; don’t forget to take a break in between, pause; so that our system can maintain its equilibrium for the homeostatic balance; to make us feel better, healthier and happier. That’s the secret of any breathing techniques you can come across elsewhere; yoga, martial arts, or any other various body-works. Breathing itself is very simple but they make it complicated or sound difficult by adding too much spices of how to do.
The sole purpose of breathing is to exchange gas with atmosphere; we breathe in oxygen that which comes from the plants, in turn, we breathe out carbon dioxide for the plants to take.
Breathe in, breathe out… the interaction between us and nature goes on as long as we are alive. Breathe in, breath out… consciously turn your awareness in between, the pause, whenever you can, whenever you remember. Any posture will do, walking, standing, seating or lying down. Where the breathing actually happens, the chest or the tummy, doesn’t really matter because, in truth, we are breathing with our whole body. Every cells in our body needs oxygen to stay alive and need to remove its waste, carbon dioxide. We are breathing with the whole body. Sometimes your chest, sometimes your tummy, or sometimes even your fingers and toes… they are all breathing together.
Just turn your attention within, whenever you can, wherever you are. Notice its rhythm, feelings, temperature, without trying to control or change. Just simply notice. They change all the time, but it is always there. Sometimes fast or short, sometimes slow or long; however it changes, it is always there, never leaving us even a moment. Naturally your mind soon will wander, in a few minutes, like the floating clouds in the sky, thereby distracting your attention away from the breaths. It doesn’t matter. The thoughts, sensations, noises, etc…they are always there. The sky is still there; so is your breath. It will pass if you don’t pay attention. Keep come back to the ever present breath within you. Soon you will notice your breath becoming smooth and soft, almost disappearing; in turn, your body relaxes, your mind settles down; and then, it becomes the beautiful breath, the sweetest and the most graceful thing it ever can be. You are taming the wild horse into your liking, to be docile; enjoying its ride, stroll or run at your will. You can even meet your God in that junction of the beautiful breath.
For long, I held certain image of God; tall and handsome, with a white beard, a white clothes and with stern but compassionate smile. But when I actually met Him, He wasn’t what I had imagined at all. At first, He came in times of the greatest pain, that I couldn’t care any more, I just entrusted myself into the pain & kept breathing in, breathing out…then like a magic, I saw Him! It was amazing! I tried another time, with more painful experiences. Then He didn’t come. Instead, He came again, while I got engrossed in the Yoga classes with you, while teaching you how to breathe. I saw the sparks of inspiration from your eyes, all shining and glowing…!! Then I realized God has been living within us, within our breath, all this time, while we busy ourselves looking for Him elsewhere, with different expectations, sometimes with ridiculous demands to grant this and that, as though bargaining with Him…
In times of anguish, in times of great anger or frustration, you don’t have to wait for Him to rescue; you just finish Five breathings; slowly inhale, pause, then, finish the exhale in a long stretch, then pause… breathing in again… you will feel better in no time. It seems so much easier to accept life just as it is, no more or no less, just this much, then, it feels good enough. It no longer matters how life presents itself; sometimes good, sometimes difficult or challenging. It will go through its own motion according to its own rhythm and time, just like our breathing. And yet, there are always abundance of love, understanding, patience, gratitude and compassion within your reach as long as you don’t forget to breathe. It is the grace of God, the blessing, to live so near with our beautiful breath. Go to your window side, come closer with the sky and open the window; feel the breeze, feel your chest expanding and your tummy tinkling as you breathe in, breathe out…For me, that is the way I live close with my God…
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Story 7. Breathing in, Breathing out (1)
“You breathing in, breathing out like this, everything will be fine!”
The old man just coming back from his afternoon walk, pointed at his nose and said with smile.
I sort of gave him back a faint smile in acknowledgement but my heart shied away to be reminded of my own breathing. After all, I was also an ex-yoga teacher then. But he made me reflect; of something I have long forgotten since my boy was born, my root, my love of life…
He was in his mid 80, an ex-yoga teacher, but still looked hail & healthy. He lived few more good years before passed away in his sleep. He was the father of my neighbor friend whom I befriended from the same apartment block I lived then. Myself, still not yet quite adopted to the foreign land I came couple of years ago, was a depressed lot who seldom smile or laugh. He seemed to have sensed my unhappiness. Maybe it wasn’t difficult to know considering my heart still skips when I look back those first few years in here, the tears, the loneliness, that which I hid even from my husband.
He learned Yoga when he was 50-something and then started to teach from his own house, converting an intermediate single story terrace house in the Old Klang Road into a yoga studio. Yoga was not so well known then, in Malaysia. Yet he had a good number of students to be able to support the family of 8 children for 2 decades before he retired. My friend was thinking of continuing her father’s work by establishing a private Yoga institute to train yoga instructors. But it was too far crying ambition for someone whose experience and exposure of yoga was just his father. His knowledge and experience in Yoga was also much elementary but he could manage himself because it was within the same neighborhood that people came to learn. She was a different story. She was trying to set up a Yoga institute (she was a part-time lecturer in college) not just a studio without even having taught Yoga before!
After learned of my background a bit from our causal conversation that we exchanged in the playground, she was trying to include me in materializing her business plan. She was showing me around the town, her already-rented-yoga-studio and father’s place. Though I wasn’t impressed or had any intention to be her prospect partner, I couldn’t say ‘no’ straight in her face. She was a kind person but too naïve in her thinking at the same time persuasive. To my relief, I didn’t have to be troubled for too long trying to turn her down. Soon she left Malaysia for good because her husband got transferred to US permanently and their whole family had to follow. Without her realizing it, however, she brought back Yoga into my life; something I’ve been long forgotten and didn’t perceive continuing it in Malaysia. She showed me the way that I could pull out of the cocoon in which I had been feeling suffocated.
Breathing in, breathing out… I looked back the pathway of my breathing which felt so tight and congested. I wondered where my breathing had gone. I started to jog around the apartment block in early morning, keep breathing, keep turning my awareness within to find the junction where I had left. Once so bright and happy, to laugh every few minute as my teacher would say, I wondered why and where she had gone. Breathing in, breathing out… I saw the lost woman crying her heart’s out in front of her little baby feeling helplessly alone without knowing where to turn. In that tiny junction, the momentary gap in between out-breath and in-breath, I saw her suffering from self-imposed failure, impatience, guilt, blame, disappointment, and all that. Those negative emotions were draining life out of me as well as my loved ones’. My husband was clueless at my daily swinging mood. My little boy was afraid of mummy because he didn’t know when she would burst into anger…It was time to wake up, time to open my chest and arm to breathe and stretch…
Since we returned to Malaysia, I wasn’t adopting well to the weather, to the culture, especially the loneliness and financial difficulties. We left our secured life in US behind when our Edwin was l year old. We wanted Edwin to grow up as an Asian not as an American though his birth certificate says so. However, it turned out to be the worst time to have come back as the infamous 1997 financial crisis hit the whole of Asia right after our return. At first I planned to get a job so that Lee could start his own business straight away. But with huge retrenchment and economic downturn throughout the country, it wasn’t easy to find a job for me especially with the immigration restriction on foreign spouse. Moreover Lee was too long away to be able to start his own business. He was as much a foreigner as I was in his homeland. So he found himself a job instead of me. We hurriedly settled in Kuala Lumpur by renting an apartment in the foothill of Desa Petaling. The US dollars we brought, then, drop its value by half immediately after we exchanged to ringgits (the currency value against US dollar dropped to the lowest in the history, from 2.5++ to 5). They soon disappeared as we continued our US living standard for a while without realizing that Lee’s salary was much, much less than how it used to be. Then there was the water crisis around the Klang valley. The water tap ran dry for days, sometimes more than a week without a notice or JPJ water tank. It went on like that for more than 6 months.
So here I was. Confined in the small apartment alone with the baby to look after, with the four walls only as my company. Lee disappeared to his work early in the morning and came back late in the evening. He didn’t know my water woo because his office had plenty of water! With no water even to bath the baby or wash his bottle, and with no one to turn to, I was growing impatient and desperate. Lee also wasn’t happy subtly blaming me to have initiated all these trauma by asking him to uproot his otherwise well-established-clinic from where we lived before. He was taking bus and LRT to commute as we couldn’t afford a car then, and I was pushing up and down trolley under the hot sun to carry water or do marketing because our apartment was in the hillside. I felt like getting sucked up into a deep dark tunnel in where there is no end. Squat down in front of the guard house in a hope to see JPJ water tank anytime, I regretted deeply of my naïve dream that I fantasized before. How dared was I to pack everything so easy and flew for 16++ hours to live in the country that I didn’t even know where it was, how it was like? I could do nothing but cry after Lee had gone to work. I hid my tears from him, the least I could do at that time, not wanting to affect when he himself was struggling to find his place. And it was my pride not to regret over whatever happened before, the one trait that I was good at it from small. I knew from experience that everything will be alright eventually no matter how great the pain might seem in the present.…
The wheel of time, though it seemed slow, was turning bit by bit; days becoming months, months becoming already 3 years. Gradually as I become more familiar with my ways around, I made friends with the neighbors socializing and learning about the country, its multi-racial culture and lifestyles. I didn’t feel as much foreigner as I used to be. Lee’s work also became more stable and the baby was growing up too, becoming more independent to attend a kindergarten. Then reminded by the neighbor friend, who was like a Good Samaritan, I started to get back my practice and study of Yoga and meditation. Life started to come back. Yes, I was not breathing. I had long held my breathing, my inspiration and the sense of direction in life that I once envisioned so clearly and dearly. I should stop playing a victim by the choices I made, just because it didn’t turn out to be exactly the way I wished or planned before. Maybe I needed a wake-up call, to be reminded of the life cycles that which is in constant change and flux.
Thankfully, there was yoga, there was meditation, to be able to put myself together as soon as I remembered. There was also astrology to remind me of the big picture. And then, beside my good husband and the fine boy, there were plenty of kind people and friends around. I wasn’t alone. I could feel the gentle breeze stroking my face as I stand in the Tree Pose. I could feel my finger reaching toward the sky as I balance in the Dancer Pose. There came deep relief, calmness, joy at the same time sense of expansion and freedom. Suddenly it felt so right to have come here! Everything is a blessing in disguise as they would say. Had I not been silly enough to dream of the fairyland in Malaysia, hadn’t there be the unforeseen challenges that came in my way without my inviting it, would I ever ventured myself to stand in front to teach and write in the language that my fellow Korean are forever dreadful? I don’t think so. Not in this life time. Hadn’t my hubby suffer his set-back, would I ever dared to take charge of my own life? I don’t think so. I would have been mostly happy to be just his shadow hiding behind him, waiting for him to do everything for me. That was how I was brought up and got ingrained culturally. We women were secondary to men, once married, we just serve the men and the rest will be taken care and provided by him (no wonder Korean men are so machos and women are like their maids, as you would see in some old Korean dramas).
Next time, when you are in the deep sea of troubled water, you can come to me. I will show you the way out of its difficulties. Breathing in, breathing out…observe the silence in between. The silence will mirror you back to clear off whatever holding your life. Breathing in, breathing out…you will find the mystic land that promises wellness, longevity, happiness and enlightenment. Want to learn more? The upcoming article is about the Beautiful Breath. You can keep posted. Meanwhile I wish you to continue your breathing in, breathing out… You will be just fine.
The old man just coming back from his afternoon walk, pointed at his nose and said with smile.
I sort of gave him back a faint smile in acknowledgement but my heart shied away to be reminded of my own breathing. After all, I was also an ex-yoga teacher then. But he made me reflect; of something I have long forgotten since my boy was born, my root, my love of life…
He was in his mid 80, an ex-yoga teacher, but still looked hail & healthy. He lived few more good years before passed away in his sleep. He was the father of my neighbor friend whom I befriended from the same apartment block I lived then. Myself, still not yet quite adopted to the foreign land I came couple of years ago, was a depressed lot who seldom smile or laugh. He seemed to have sensed my unhappiness. Maybe it wasn’t difficult to know considering my heart still skips when I look back those first few years in here, the tears, the loneliness, that which I hid even from my husband.
He learned Yoga when he was 50-something and then started to teach from his own house, converting an intermediate single story terrace house in the Old Klang Road into a yoga studio. Yoga was not so well known then, in Malaysia. Yet he had a good number of students to be able to support the family of 8 children for 2 decades before he retired. My friend was thinking of continuing her father’s work by establishing a private Yoga institute to train yoga instructors. But it was too far crying ambition for someone whose experience and exposure of yoga was just his father. His knowledge and experience in Yoga was also much elementary but he could manage himself because it was within the same neighborhood that people came to learn. She was a different story. She was trying to set up a Yoga institute (she was a part-time lecturer in college) not just a studio without even having taught Yoga before!
After learned of my background a bit from our causal conversation that we exchanged in the playground, she was trying to include me in materializing her business plan. She was showing me around the town, her already-rented-yoga-studio and father’s place. Though I wasn’t impressed or had any intention to be her prospect partner, I couldn’t say ‘no’ straight in her face. She was a kind person but too naïve in her thinking at the same time persuasive. To my relief, I didn’t have to be troubled for too long trying to turn her down. Soon she left Malaysia for good because her husband got transferred to US permanently and their whole family had to follow. Without her realizing it, however, she brought back Yoga into my life; something I’ve been long forgotten and didn’t perceive continuing it in Malaysia. She showed me the way that I could pull out of the cocoon in which I had been feeling suffocated.
Breathing in, breathing out… I looked back the pathway of my breathing which felt so tight and congested. I wondered where my breathing had gone. I started to jog around the apartment block in early morning, keep breathing, keep turning my awareness within to find the junction where I had left. Once so bright and happy, to laugh every few minute as my teacher would say, I wondered why and where she had gone. Breathing in, breathing out… I saw the lost woman crying her heart’s out in front of her little baby feeling helplessly alone without knowing where to turn. In that tiny junction, the momentary gap in between out-breath and in-breath, I saw her suffering from self-imposed failure, impatience, guilt, blame, disappointment, and all that. Those negative emotions were draining life out of me as well as my loved ones’. My husband was clueless at my daily swinging mood. My little boy was afraid of mummy because he didn’t know when she would burst into anger…It was time to wake up, time to open my chest and arm to breathe and stretch…
Since we returned to Malaysia, I wasn’t adopting well to the weather, to the culture, especially the loneliness and financial difficulties. We left our secured life in US behind when our Edwin was l year old. We wanted Edwin to grow up as an Asian not as an American though his birth certificate says so. However, it turned out to be the worst time to have come back as the infamous 1997 financial crisis hit the whole of Asia right after our return. At first I planned to get a job so that Lee could start his own business straight away. But with huge retrenchment and economic downturn throughout the country, it wasn’t easy to find a job for me especially with the immigration restriction on foreign spouse. Moreover Lee was too long away to be able to start his own business. He was as much a foreigner as I was in his homeland. So he found himself a job instead of me. We hurriedly settled in Kuala Lumpur by renting an apartment in the foothill of Desa Petaling. The US dollars we brought, then, drop its value by half immediately after we exchanged to ringgits (the currency value against US dollar dropped to the lowest in the history, from 2.5++ to 5). They soon disappeared as we continued our US living standard for a while without realizing that Lee’s salary was much, much less than how it used to be. Then there was the water crisis around the Klang valley. The water tap ran dry for days, sometimes more than a week without a notice or JPJ water tank. It went on like that for more than 6 months.
So here I was. Confined in the small apartment alone with the baby to look after, with the four walls only as my company. Lee disappeared to his work early in the morning and came back late in the evening. He didn’t know my water woo because his office had plenty of water! With no water even to bath the baby or wash his bottle, and with no one to turn to, I was growing impatient and desperate. Lee also wasn’t happy subtly blaming me to have initiated all these trauma by asking him to uproot his otherwise well-established-clinic from where we lived before. He was taking bus and LRT to commute as we couldn’t afford a car then, and I was pushing up and down trolley under the hot sun to carry water or do marketing because our apartment was in the hillside. I felt like getting sucked up into a deep dark tunnel in where there is no end. Squat down in front of the guard house in a hope to see JPJ water tank anytime, I regretted deeply of my naïve dream that I fantasized before. How dared was I to pack everything so easy and flew for 16++ hours to live in the country that I didn’t even know where it was, how it was like? I could do nothing but cry after Lee had gone to work. I hid my tears from him, the least I could do at that time, not wanting to affect when he himself was struggling to find his place. And it was my pride not to regret over whatever happened before, the one trait that I was good at it from small. I knew from experience that everything will be alright eventually no matter how great the pain might seem in the present.…
The wheel of time, though it seemed slow, was turning bit by bit; days becoming months, months becoming already 3 years. Gradually as I become more familiar with my ways around, I made friends with the neighbors socializing and learning about the country, its multi-racial culture and lifestyles. I didn’t feel as much foreigner as I used to be. Lee’s work also became more stable and the baby was growing up too, becoming more independent to attend a kindergarten. Then reminded by the neighbor friend, who was like a Good Samaritan, I started to get back my practice and study of Yoga and meditation. Life started to come back. Yes, I was not breathing. I had long held my breathing, my inspiration and the sense of direction in life that I once envisioned so clearly and dearly. I should stop playing a victim by the choices I made, just because it didn’t turn out to be exactly the way I wished or planned before. Maybe I needed a wake-up call, to be reminded of the life cycles that which is in constant change and flux.
Thankfully, there was yoga, there was meditation, to be able to put myself together as soon as I remembered. There was also astrology to remind me of the big picture. And then, beside my good husband and the fine boy, there were plenty of kind people and friends around. I wasn’t alone. I could feel the gentle breeze stroking my face as I stand in the Tree Pose. I could feel my finger reaching toward the sky as I balance in the Dancer Pose. There came deep relief, calmness, joy at the same time sense of expansion and freedom. Suddenly it felt so right to have come here! Everything is a blessing in disguise as they would say. Had I not been silly enough to dream of the fairyland in Malaysia, hadn’t there be the unforeseen challenges that came in my way without my inviting it, would I ever ventured myself to stand in front to teach and write in the language that my fellow Korean are forever dreadful? I don’t think so. Not in this life time. Hadn’t my hubby suffer his set-back, would I ever dared to take charge of my own life? I don’t think so. I would have been mostly happy to be just his shadow hiding behind him, waiting for him to do everything for me. That was how I was brought up and got ingrained culturally. We women were secondary to men, once married, we just serve the men and the rest will be taken care and provided by him (no wonder Korean men are so machos and women are like their maids, as you would see in some old Korean dramas).
Next time, when you are in the deep sea of troubled water, you can come to me. I will show you the way out of its difficulties. Breathing in, breathing out…observe the silence in between. The silence will mirror you back to clear off whatever holding your life. Breathing in, breathing out…you will find the mystic land that promises wellness, longevity, happiness and enlightenment. Want to learn more? The upcoming article is about the Beautiful Breath. You can keep posted. Meanwhile I wish you to continue your breathing in, breathing out… You will be just fine.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Story 6. Looking into crystal ball
There was an old retired professor who liked to hang out with Asian students in the campus. He was a sixty-plus-former-athletic-turned-to-physics-professor with a keen interest in spiritualism and astrology. Whether rain, shine or snow, he always carried this back pack, wore solid boots and walked all over the campus, appearing to the student dinning hall every day precisely at the same time. He would find his corner among the Asian students who were the poorest in their ability to communicate in English. He had this habit, whenever there was someone new, to ask their birth details and would give him/her a hand written astrological report within next few days. As though proving a hypothesis in physics, he would lay out his readings step by step in such a detail that he had fairly good reputation for his accuracy.
Soon after I started to appear in the dining hall as a new student, he asked my birth details and I got my report also. It was my first exposure with any kinds of astrology or occult reading that which was astonishing. How would he know about me so well of the facts that I wasn’t even aware? He wrote about my characters, inclinations, past, unhappy home life including mother, father, siblings, and other things with some future prediction. I started to be curious about how he did that rather than being flattered by the prediction that was quite optimistic. Not long after that, I met then-my-future husband Lee who was a Chinese Medicine physician living just outside of the campus. I was having some health trouble and my classmate referred me to him. As it turned out, he himself was an avid seeker of ancient knowledge like Taoism, Hinduism, anything else that is mysterious and esoteric including Western and Indian astrology.
As I shared my experience with the written astrology report, he recommended me to do a more professional reading by his good friend, Doug Adams. We arranged a personal one-to-one meeting which lasted for 2 hours with our conversation, questions and answers were being tape recorded for future reference. It was even more interesting than the written report. I wanted to learn that astrology. Lee knew some basics of Indian astrology and he offered me to teach it for free (of course, he had other intention as well). As I was to find out later, Doug had told Lee after our meeting that I might be his future wife! Doug knew of Lee’s astrological details and Lee was waiting for his wife to appear as it was about the time that was predicted. Sure, I was to become his wife but I didn’t know about the behind story between him and his astrologer friend. It was much later, after we become close, that Lee shared with me what was predicted about his life and wife not only by Doug but also by other astrologers from India.
It turned out that I was much intuitive and quick in grasping the language of stars beyond Lee’s ability. So I pursued it further by taking other courses and eventually met my astrology teacher Mr. K.N Rao. I learned it fast and started to do the readings for friends with fare rates of accuracy. However along the way, I started to notice of what people expect from astrologers and I disliked it. They didn’t want to know anything bad but only good and extraordinary. They didn’t like to wait and work harder to make good things happen. Instead they demanded to have everything almost immediately in the way they want it. They came to astrologers not to learn how to improve their life but to hear about what good is waiting without them doing much effort. I could not disappoint them or be harsh. I sugar coated anything negative in soft tone; to accept what was inevitable in the past as life lessons and to work toward future with patience and effort to get what they want out of their life. And yet with the limitation to fully express of what I see from their birth charts as how it might affect their psychic in positive or negative ways, and yet with the people’s absurd expectation to be special regardless of what they deserve, I started to wane away from doing astrology reading further.
Then I came to learn about Western astrology in where you don’t have to predict but can do very good psychology readings. It helped me to understand myself in more humanistic angle than Indian astrology that is more definitive about our selves and our past, present or future life. There was another important lesson came together to put all this together to make the picture more complete, the Liao Fan’s Four Lessons on how to change our astrological destiny. It is a true story that solved my predicament in knowing astrology that seems fixed and the role of spiritual cultivation in changing what seems to be fixed. Karma definitely exists but we had choice to be influenced or not. We had choice to choose our life as suffering or bliss. For that, we needed to cultivate our wisdom muscles to be able to make the wise choices every time, and accumulate merits to get what we want and to revert what we don’t want out of life.
Some say Western astrology advocates free will and choices of life, whereas Indian astrology is all about the fixed destiny that has no way escaping from it, thereby encouraging people to adopt fatalist approach toward life. Astrology is not about fate but is about destiny that we have the power to alter it by making wise choices rather than blindly believing or accepting. When we see life in terms of fate operating according to the karmic function, the laws of cause and effect, then, it seems to be life is more of fixture rather than fluid. That means we don’t have control but to accept because we are the victims of whatever is happening regardless of whether be good or bad, like it or not. There are some lucky ones who seem to have it all breezing through life with ease while many others suffer miserably from constant strings of misfortune one after another. How do we make sense out of that because it certainly looks unfair as no one wants to suffer misfortunes but to enjoy good luck and the best of all life has to offer?
The truth is, not by some luck or misfortune, but by how we choose it to be, that our life become how it is today. In every moment, life presents us with variety of choices to make, ranging from as simple as choosing brands for grocery or clothes to more weighty ones like what to study, what kinds of job, house or cars to get, love or commitment to marriages, etc, there are as many other choices as we can think of to make. We constantly face dilemma in various life situation, not because the issues are difficult to handle but because we are not sure what to choose from the multiple options available out there. People often turn to religious authority, counselors, occultists or astrologers to get the answer when they are confused. They are afraid of making choices their own not because it is difficult but because of what we might miss out if you choose one for another (nice term for it “kiasu”). It is a fact that we can’t have everything in life, then, we have to know what we are willing to give to gain another. To find out that answer, we have to search within, not without. Parents, friends, teachers, spouses or children, they are all part of it but not everything in life. No matter how significant their roles might be, they cannot substitute the inner voice in leading our life in the way we want it to be. We need to tune into our inner voice, to listen and be clear with the priorities in our life. So that we can make conscious decision in every step of the way and become fully responsible for whatever the outcomes are.
When we are clear with what we want, then it really doesn’t matter whatever we choose to become in life, a busy businessman who amasses fortune but don’t have time to enjoy, or a fisherman who enjoys leisurely peaceful life but poor. Each choice comes with pros and cons. We just need to be aware of what each path entails and consciously choose according to our tendency. If you are an active and zealous person who can’t stay still, then it will be better to be like the businessman. If you are a solitude loving person with very simple needs, then becoming like the fisherman will brings you more happiness. Conflicts happen when either of them trying to impose each other’s preference to another. The businessman can never be happy in the fisherman’s shoes, so is the fisherman. Let others be their own way while you live in your own way. We don’t have to be uniform in the way of living and pursuing. Diversity amongst millions different kinds of forms and name and tendency are what make the universe unique. Its intrinsic beauty, diversity in infinite stretch of time and space, the universe keeps on rolling to exist in eternity. Our body in the present is the transient holder of our soul that exists within the same wave patterns of this vast universe. How do we know what we will become of when this body perishes or born again in another body in next life. They are all nothing but speculation. Our concern is knowing what we have and how we are made of, for which astrology can give good insights into it. And then move on to make this life fuller and more complete by cultivating wisdom and merits, instead of eyeing over the other side and keep hesitating or regretting over how it could have been different. Time has wings to fly and our karma comes around to catch up with us unless we do something about by doing goods and make efforts to turn about in our favor. The best is knowing that you will get your turn, work toward what you aspire to become in life with compassion and patience while being content but can be better with the person you are at the moment. Happiness is always around the corner.
Soon after I started to appear in the dining hall as a new student, he asked my birth details and I got my report also. It was my first exposure with any kinds of astrology or occult reading that which was astonishing. How would he know about me so well of the facts that I wasn’t even aware? He wrote about my characters, inclinations, past, unhappy home life including mother, father, siblings, and other things with some future prediction. I started to be curious about how he did that rather than being flattered by the prediction that was quite optimistic. Not long after that, I met then-my-future husband Lee who was a Chinese Medicine physician living just outside of the campus. I was having some health trouble and my classmate referred me to him. As it turned out, he himself was an avid seeker of ancient knowledge like Taoism, Hinduism, anything else that is mysterious and esoteric including Western and Indian astrology.
As I shared my experience with the written astrology report, he recommended me to do a more professional reading by his good friend, Doug Adams. We arranged a personal one-to-one meeting which lasted for 2 hours with our conversation, questions and answers were being tape recorded for future reference. It was even more interesting than the written report. I wanted to learn that astrology. Lee knew some basics of Indian astrology and he offered me to teach it for free (of course, he had other intention as well). As I was to find out later, Doug had told Lee after our meeting that I might be his future wife! Doug knew of Lee’s astrological details and Lee was waiting for his wife to appear as it was about the time that was predicted. Sure, I was to become his wife but I didn’t know about the behind story between him and his astrologer friend. It was much later, after we become close, that Lee shared with me what was predicted about his life and wife not only by Doug but also by other astrologers from India.
It turned out that I was much intuitive and quick in grasping the language of stars beyond Lee’s ability. So I pursued it further by taking other courses and eventually met my astrology teacher Mr. K.N Rao. I learned it fast and started to do the readings for friends with fare rates of accuracy. However along the way, I started to notice of what people expect from astrologers and I disliked it. They didn’t want to know anything bad but only good and extraordinary. They didn’t like to wait and work harder to make good things happen. Instead they demanded to have everything almost immediately in the way they want it. They came to astrologers not to learn how to improve their life but to hear about what good is waiting without them doing much effort. I could not disappoint them or be harsh. I sugar coated anything negative in soft tone; to accept what was inevitable in the past as life lessons and to work toward future with patience and effort to get what they want out of their life. And yet with the limitation to fully express of what I see from their birth charts as how it might affect their psychic in positive or negative ways, and yet with the people’s absurd expectation to be special regardless of what they deserve, I started to wane away from doing astrology reading further.
Then I came to learn about Western astrology in where you don’t have to predict but can do very good psychology readings. It helped me to understand myself in more humanistic angle than Indian astrology that is more definitive about our selves and our past, present or future life. There was another important lesson came together to put all this together to make the picture more complete, the Liao Fan’s Four Lessons on how to change our astrological destiny. It is a true story that solved my predicament in knowing astrology that seems fixed and the role of spiritual cultivation in changing what seems to be fixed. Karma definitely exists but we had choice to be influenced or not. We had choice to choose our life as suffering or bliss. For that, we needed to cultivate our wisdom muscles to be able to make the wise choices every time, and accumulate merits to get what we want and to revert what we don’t want out of life.
Some say Western astrology advocates free will and choices of life, whereas Indian astrology is all about the fixed destiny that has no way escaping from it, thereby encouraging people to adopt fatalist approach toward life. Astrology is not about fate but is about destiny that we have the power to alter it by making wise choices rather than blindly believing or accepting. When we see life in terms of fate operating according to the karmic function, the laws of cause and effect, then, it seems to be life is more of fixture rather than fluid. That means we don’t have control but to accept because we are the victims of whatever is happening regardless of whether be good or bad, like it or not. There are some lucky ones who seem to have it all breezing through life with ease while many others suffer miserably from constant strings of misfortune one after another. How do we make sense out of that because it certainly looks unfair as no one wants to suffer misfortunes but to enjoy good luck and the best of all life has to offer?
The truth is, not by some luck or misfortune, but by how we choose it to be, that our life become how it is today. In every moment, life presents us with variety of choices to make, ranging from as simple as choosing brands for grocery or clothes to more weighty ones like what to study, what kinds of job, house or cars to get, love or commitment to marriages, etc, there are as many other choices as we can think of to make. We constantly face dilemma in various life situation, not because the issues are difficult to handle but because we are not sure what to choose from the multiple options available out there. People often turn to religious authority, counselors, occultists or astrologers to get the answer when they are confused. They are afraid of making choices their own not because it is difficult but because of what we might miss out if you choose one for another (nice term for it “kiasu”). It is a fact that we can’t have everything in life, then, we have to know what we are willing to give to gain another. To find out that answer, we have to search within, not without. Parents, friends, teachers, spouses or children, they are all part of it but not everything in life. No matter how significant their roles might be, they cannot substitute the inner voice in leading our life in the way we want it to be. We need to tune into our inner voice, to listen and be clear with the priorities in our life. So that we can make conscious decision in every step of the way and become fully responsible for whatever the outcomes are.
When we are clear with what we want, then it really doesn’t matter whatever we choose to become in life, a busy businessman who amasses fortune but don’t have time to enjoy, or a fisherman who enjoys leisurely peaceful life but poor. Each choice comes with pros and cons. We just need to be aware of what each path entails and consciously choose according to our tendency. If you are an active and zealous person who can’t stay still, then it will be better to be like the businessman. If you are a solitude loving person with very simple needs, then becoming like the fisherman will brings you more happiness. Conflicts happen when either of them trying to impose each other’s preference to another. The businessman can never be happy in the fisherman’s shoes, so is the fisherman. Let others be their own way while you live in your own way. We don’t have to be uniform in the way of living and pursuing. Diversity amongst millions different kinds of forms and name and tendency are what make the universe unique. Its intrinsic beauty, diversity in infinite stretch of time and space, the universe keeps on rolling to exist in eternity. Our body in the present is the transient holder of our soul that exists within the same wave patterns of this vast universe. How do we know what we will become of when this body perishes or born again in another body in next life. They are all nothing but speculation. Our concern is knowing what we have and how we are made of, for which astrology can give good insights into it. And then move on to make this life fuller and more complete by cultivating wisdom and merits, instead of eyeing over the other side and keep hesitating or regretting over how it could have been different. Time has wings to fly and our karma comes around to catch up with us unless we do something about by doing goods and make efforts to turn about in our favor. The best is knowing that you will get your turn, work toward what you aspire to become in life with compassion and patience while being content but can be better with the person you are at the moment. Happiness is always around the corner.
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