“Beth, Beth!! The Datuk passed away!! We have to cancel the Monday Yoga class!”
“Huh?? What do you mean the Datuk passed away? I just saw him last Wednesday!”
“Yes! He had an accident in his trip last Saturday and passed away!”
“…Is it?? Huh…”
“The funeral will be held in his house. Are you coming?”
“Yes, of course, I will…”
I was still in the state of shock searching for words to answer her call. We exchanged some more information about how to go his place and how he died from the recent Harley Davison motor bike trip in Thailand before we hang up the phone. I couldn’t believe the news I just received and my head was boggling trying to process the sudden, unexpected blow. He was so full of life when he said a good bye to me after the company yoga class. He told me of his impending short trip but still would be able to attend next Monday class.
“See you, Beth!” He gave me his usual big smile before he went out to the door.
“Okay! Enjoy your bike trip!”
“Thanks!”
He looked very calm and settled after sweating from Yoga. He was one of the most enthusiastic and regular yoga students, better than any of his staffs, despite his busy schedule as the CEO of a listed company.
The next day, I found my way to visit his house in Damansara. Many of the familiar faces from the yoga classes were there. The spacious double storey corner house was already arranged into a funeral house, with canopies, flowers, tables and chairs inside and outside of the house. At the side of the main door leading to the living room, there was an alter set up. The deceased was in the casket, clad in his formal uniform that he wore when he got conferred to a Datukship few months back. Handsome, tall and well-built body, dark skin with his attractive double-lid eyes closed as though sleeping, he looked just like in the Savasana (the relaxation or the dead men pose) that we used to do at the end of each classe. At the side of table in the living hall, I saw the young widow wearing black and looking exhausted. I introduced myself to her paying my condolence.
“Oh, you are Beth, the yoga instructor?”
Her teary eyes got bigger in surprise as she heard my name.
“Yes, I am.”
She hugged me crying and said,
“Oh, I will never forget you. He told me the story of Alexander the Great you told him before. He mentioned about you many times and enjoying your class tremendously. Thank you so much for coming!”
“…!?”
She said some more things but I couldn’t remember what. I was feeling too sorry for her, especially seeing the four-year-old eldest boy who just looked like the father and the sleeping little baby in another lady’s arm. And worse, she was carrying another one… As I came out of the house, I heard people talking about his accident and the afterward episodes including “number” that came out in the first prize after matching the date, address, time, etc, in his tragic moments. Some were quick to gamble in other people’s tragedy. With bits of talks here and there, I learned more details of his tragedy.
He was a much athletic person enjoying variety of sports. He even had a Scuba diver’s coach license. Riding the Harley Davison Motor Bike was his new hobby and went to Thailand together with the club for the weekend get-away. While riding in the country side of Thailand, he somehow got left behind the row and nobody knew how he ended up in the drain and for how long. By the time the fellow bikers turned back and found him in that dire state, he was already half-conscious. Because it was a remote place with no modern facility available nearby, he had to be carried in a “Tuk-Tuk”, the three wheel carrier of Thailand to the nearest hospital, that which was miles away. He passed away caused by internal bleeding soon after they reached in the hospital. Just like that, away from home, family and his people…I heard he was reluctant to take the trip but changed his mind last minute…
I left the house soon after and came back another day, following until the mortuary. We laid roses on his casket before the cremation, saying our silent good bye to him. He had many, many friends, associates, relatives and visitors alike. He was a charismatic young leader who was popular among people. His radiant smile, still so vivid in my memory even after 5 years, I often wonder how he would have been if he were to still around. Would he have continued Yoga? Would he have learned to slow down, relax and enjoy more freedom?
He was 41 years old, a promising young president who was kind, witty, humble and caring. He preferred to be called by his name, not by his titles or formal addressing. I was invited to conduct the company yoga classes, twice a week, for one year. It was open for all their staffs in all ranks. He joined in also from the very first class. He looked like in close relationship with his staffs without pretension. They were easy to him also. He was constantly cracking jokes making us laugh. But his body was telling me otherwise. It was very tight with laboring breaths. He was having difficulty in relaxing his muscles all around the body especially the chest, grunting every time he had to turn or bend. As time went by, I noticed him becoming more inward taking the back seat instead of the front as he used to be. One day, he wanted to talk with me after the class.
He wanted me to show him how to breathe and asked why he was feeling so difficult to follow the breathing I was directing. I pointed at his chest that was hard and frozen with barely any movement as he breathes. He considered himself a good breather by the training from scuba diving. No, he was using his will power to control the breathing, not necessarily by good breathing habits. Natural breathing is relaxing, calming and rejuvenating. It will free any tension in the body, not accumulating. His breathing muscles—intercostals and diaphragm, were not engaged at all when he breathes. He was breathing mostly from his upper chest through the mouth, not even nose. I put my hands on his chest and back guiding his breathing to be more natural and open, to breathe slower and deeper, not trying to control but to let go by trusting our body’s wisdom to maintain its homeostatic balance at all times once given the chances.
After another few “grunt, grunt, grunt…” he was finally able to follow my hands’ movement with his breathing. He felt much better after few minutes. Then he told me that he hardly sleeps at night. For the last ten years, he seldom slept for more than 5 hours a day busy running around for business and various social engagements. Understandable considering where he is right now in such a young age. He rose from the bottom to the top all through his own efforts, not by inheritance or other supports. Then, I told him the story of “Alexander the Great.”
Alexander the Great had a great ambition to conquer the world which he succeeded only half of it before he fell sick in a battlefield one day. After being unconscious from a high fever for more than a week, he saw the sunken bed in his body sized mark when he woke up. He sighed and said, “all the space I need to lay my body is just that much, and yet, I am rampaging around land to land trying to conquer the whole world…” It seems he never made it through the sickness, dying in a battlefield at the prime age of 33 accomplishing only half of what he sought for in the expense of so much sacrifices, wars and destructions including his own life.
So why do you have to rush, I asked him. What do you think you will have at the end? You are missing out a lot, not only your family, even your own health. It seems it triggered something in him. That night, he told his wife the story also. He seldom missed the yoga class ever since. But maybe it was a bit too late…
Many people do not have a perspective about life as a whole, lacking in direction but driven solely by desires or pressures, they blindly rush through life. They often forget what is important, what is more valuable in life. Life is more than just getting things done or becoming successful by the measurement of what others say, approve or how medias describe. Whatever we want to have or need to become outside of us is secondary to how we relate with ourselves within. Career, fame, money, power, social recognition, prize worthy spouse and children, or even spiritual achievements, etc…they are all part of life, not everything. If you don’t have time to enjoy the fruits of your labor, what’s the point running around to get those in the first place? If your heart is always in the state of fear, worry, anxiety; your mind is under constant stress and pressure; your body is tensed and suffering from various health problems; then what’s the point of living? We can’t keep measuring our worth and success in relation with others; the heart can never be in peace. If the heart is not content, no matter how much we accumulate or socially successful we become, we will never feel good enough. Following the calls of desires is like trying to put off fire with oil. The fire gets bigger every time. In no time, we will get burn. There will be always nicer things to have, more and more things to do, and less and less time to enjoy.
Let’s live one day at a time, enjoying what we have now and appreciating who we are today. You don’t have to reserve your happiness until someday or retirement day. Tomorrow will take care of itself. We live today in our best, tomorrow will be another day that you can do your best, and then, another day, another day…then, you can see how successful you already are today. Tomorrow will be another successful day for you! Stretch your arms, open your chest, stretch your muscles, do the breathing…flexible body, flexible mind uplift our spirit to share the gifts of life with our loved ones to the fullest today not tomorrow because tomorrow may never come or too late…I believe our beloved young Datuk rest in peace…
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